[User] dem dey carry girls enter?

[Assistant] on a steady every every… no be say na one… that time wey Anonymous dey here sef.. I know say people wey dey come here .. Anonymous.. eeh.. that guy na bloody bloody.. that guy eeh… mtcheew… that’s ..I know how many fresher him don collect.. him and elder, their two.. Elder no dey Red cross again.


[User] Entertainer.. one guy say na entertainer.. haha..

[Assistant] no.. the thing be say..


[User] na red cross

[Assistant] no.. he dey shape am easily…


[User] na red cross e dey..

[Assistant] I never see the guy go for any of their red cross thing before


[User] ahah—how many ok.. their investiture, how many people dey invest here? Their investisure, Dave, no be me and you stand sit down for there dey look them. How many people invest? They no reach twelve..

[Assistant] wey invest for their investisure..


[User] serious?

[Assistant] I come see one girl.. the girl come say…


[User] all the people wey them recruit

[Assistant] I come ask one girl.. she come say.. she be red cross, she come say she dey part of them. I come say why she no dey? She now said.. mere looking at it.. that people she recruited with are not even there.  I come dey ask, say which kind..


[User] dem reach 40 or 50 people nah

[Assistant] mtcheew… them recruit eeh. Na short course.. their investisure na f9


[User] Anonymous use two months of IT names.. Oma bus come carry officers.. come dey tell me say na only twelve people.. na wa o.. one thing be say dem get members, but dem no get person wey dey come outside.. dem get members like people wey just say.. ah.. make I just join.. mah just join…

[Assistant] Dem get plenty people wey…


[User] dem get members…

[Assistant] But dem no get active officers


[User] … members wey dem get..i get another person wey dey tell me.. how many persons dem dey see.

[Assistant] We dey call our own IT Emoko. But dem dey call their own bastards.. … even that name alone dey chase person comot


[User] you no see that mugu.. that mugu wey run comot like that....

[Assistant] who?


[User] one slim guy like that…

[Assistant] wetin you come go do am?


[User] he come go meet Anonymous.. he jam Anonymous nah.. I no know say.. me sef no know say Anonymous get hot head.. na for our front.. for this cavat for here..

[Assistant] ehen..


[User] Na me Anonymous and Anonymous. We come charge the guy.. we come be like, oya Dj.. the guy come dey explain something give Anonymous. Anonymous come dey ask am say why he no come for one thing like that..  "who gave you form to fill"?....  "Did you tell Anonymous that you are not coming"? He say ehen...  He say oya.. release your handset.. I say eeh.. Anonymous come talk say.. collect collect everything.. Mtcheew.. I no know say that one get hot head.. I still dey talk am since last year.. I no dey see Anonymous again.

[Assistant] I see am o..


[User] I know am o.

[Assistant] I no dey see am o.. I see am when he first newly.. when school newly start


[User] I still see am this week sef.. I still see am this week

[Assistant] I never see Anonymous since I come here.. since then, I never see ANONY. But day don dey dark.. make I come dey go house


[User] oya come make we dey go.. make we reach o..

[Assistant] I no dey enter..


[User] you go stay for house, I go go bring your your phone

[Assistant] I dey o, how your side nah? You no go church today o


[User] I go church nah

[Assistant] Where you from dey come from?


[User] Good evening!

[Assistant] Good evening!


[User] I go shop

[Assistant] Wetin you go do for there?


[User] Why you dey always...

[Assistant] Wetin you hold for here? Wetin be this?


[User] Ehn, I go collect soup come

[Assistant] You go collect soup with wetin? Wetin you want use chop am?


[User] Na eba nah, make I come your room nah, abeg!

[Assistant] Eh!


[User] Make I come your room

[Assistant] How far you… Why you dey do like that nah?


[User] Na because nah …

[Assistant] Come! Wait nah! Just like that?


[User] Give me money. na money I want. Dash me money abegi!

[Assistant] Is it soup that is in this thing?


[User] Yes!

[Assistant] Seriously?


[User] I’m serious  nah

[Assistant] It’s not true


[User] I don tell you, na soup nah!

[Assistant] Wait, the soup you cooked in your room?


[User] In somebody’s room. One of my cousin’s place, he stays in Ofoma

[Assistant] And gave you this little one? So when you get there you buy only...garri


[User] I will not even buy garri sef. I will look for someone who will give me

[Assistant] Why naw?


[User] That's life

[Assistant] Is it that you are broke now?


[User] Eh ... something like that

[Assistant] Even if you give a student hundred thousand while coming to school, he always get broke


[User] But is it the end of the term?

[Assistant] No, no, it's mid semester


[User] How come you are broke at the middle of the semester

[Assistant] It's mid semester naw, exam is next month.


[User] Seriously it's mid semester, 2/3 of the semester is gone

[Assistant] Which room you dey stay naw?


[User] ...Block A, ...

[Assistant] I go come visit you


[User] ...I no understand you

[Assistant] Don't worry, I go come visit you. We have a witness here


[User] Eheh

[Assistant] Let me see what I've got, oh two minutes


[User] …They are behaving wicked, they know what they are doing

[Assistant] They know what they are doing


[User] They just want to stress somebody, that’s the one they are doing now

[Assistant] Ah ah! That day I was surprised,  I say shoo Tobe!


[User] If you were in the house will he cook that day?

[Assistant] You say?


[User] If you were in the house will he cook that day?

[Assistant] No nah, what’s up?


[User] Ehhhen you see… even my younger brothers, that’s how they do ooo. Even, see eh, there is one habit now I’m, I’m, I’m certain I’m going to likely have when I, when I marry. For me to wake up and cook in the morning to prepare eh breakfast is very difficult for me.

[Assistant] Why?


[User] Because my brothers, my younger ones, they are already use to, my sister cannot enter the kitchen in the morning, so let’s go and look for something to eat.

[Assistant] Something to eat.


[User] That’s what they do ooo. They are the ones that, that, are fixing themselves up, as far as I’ve cooked in the evening and there’s food in the house; you can go and warm and eat food. When in the afternoon maybe there is no food now, maybe I’m busy, I went to work, they will prepare something, in the evening I will come back and cook. But that morning, that time I will rest, I will now go and prepare something for one person ah! My younger ones, if it’s me, it’s very, very hard o.

[Assistant] Hmmm. But you need to change it o…


[User] That’s one thing. I’ve tried to…

[Assistant] Because, If you have a child that has to leave for school very early, as early as 7


[User] Don’t I use to prepare food in the morning before I go to school? But they are, they are using it to torment me, me I’m now using it against them. In the morning, they use to stress somebody

[Assistant] I don’t know why the younger ones are always like that sometimes


[User] Well, if my daddy is around, I use to prepare food for him, but it's my, me and my younger one; No, everybody go and hustle for yourself

[Assistant] You’re the first child?


[User] Hmmm! I’m the only girl o and they use to suffer me

[Assistant] Hmm, hmmmm… how many boys?


[User] 4

[Assistant] Oh my God!


[User] They use to disturb me a lot o

[Assistant] So, I don’t know, say all this younger ones and their wahala sometimes…


[User] Seriously, I can’t even send all of them message and they don’t use to obey o

[Assistant] As in…


[User] They don’t have anything to offer them

[Assistant] They will now be one to using height, they want to…


[User] Yes o, heights to…

[Assistant] … start using height to intimidate you


[User] Anonymous, I don’t even talk when my, our… last born…, I told him to help me wash just two clothes,  Do you know that he didn’t wash it, he told that there’s no water and he didn’t wash it, I … wash it yesterday before i came.

[Assistant] You can’t imagine


[User] Shey you see! I can’t send them, if I, if I want to send them, I have to put money on top

[Assistant] Sometimes, it's me, I will now have to like put so much pressure. No be me go cook food? No be, na me go cook food, come and chop the food wey I cook nah


[User] My parents no go even gree sef

[Assistant] I pray! Okay nah! My parents, my parents will shout o.  They will quarrel but so far you don’t do the work wey I tell you say make you do, that’s just it


[User] That my brothers can frustrate

[Assistant] They, that time, they hear, dem dey hear am..., that time when we were staying with Anonymous, that we’ll, they will tell us to do housework coz errm, especially on Saturdays like this, we will wash eh, we’ll, I will wash clothes and that time, my cousins were still living with us; that my uncle’s two children were living with us, my plus my parents; my mummy and my daddy will bring their own clothes, I will wash plus my cousin’s own, that’s clothes for many people. I will still sweep, I will still mop, I will still cook, the plates Anonymous will wash, he will not wash, I will still wash it because if he does not wash the plate he will now ask me question like, what are you a senior for?


[User] That’s the, that was how, if he’s…, he also ask me what I’m a senior for, It will now pain me. The one that will burst my head is… Are you not the girl in the house?

[Assistant] Can you imagine? So, because you’re a girl…


[User] Hmmm. That’s, that’s what my mummy use to say . Are you not,  who be girl, na dem go marry follow you? Say las, las, dem go carry one girl come.  The thing is annoying

[Assistant] Yeah but, it’s not encouraging at all


[User] No, it’s not o

[Assistant] Because even they themselves, they will now be living their own life on their own with laxity; they will not be able to do housework.


[User] See, see, see, see Anonymous I’m staying with now, when I came that first time for clearance, the bathroom hmmm? He didn’t wash it, I was the one that washed it. It was when Tessy even used the bathroom, Tessy said that this toilet is itching her, I washed it.  I tell you, since that time I left, about four weeks ago, they’ve not washed that toilet. Yesterday I came, when there was water, I washed that toilet around eh after three

[Assistant] In the morning?


[User] I dey tell you. When they were… I was fetching water; I have to wash that toilet.

[Assistant] Jesus!


[User] I wash the toilet, I came, see… the room was very dirty and he knew, he knows I was coming o, he didn’t sweep. I have to sweep yesterday and I swept it this morning. Even those girls, that, those girls staying for…this boy’s house, Victor’s house that time said your room is very dirty ooo, your kitchen is very neat o()

[Assistant] You can imagine


[User] your kitchen is very neat o

[Assistant] If it’s Victor that is there, he will be able to clean the house on his own eh, but now that is the younger brother, he’s not able to do it


[User] Nothing! Because he’s already use to that life nobody use to…

[Assistant] He’s use to it that Victor and the senior ones will do the housework


[User] Do all the work. That’s just it.

[Assistant] The same thing, even this one at home too, for them to do housework; problem o. You will faint, talk, talk…


[User] My dear, to even wash their own clothes sef, especially our second to last born is wahala.

[Assistant] Dem  know  before ah if you don’t wash your cloth  me I will not, how old are you?


[User] Me, wash their cloth…

[Assistant] At your age, I was already washing the cloth of everybody. As at when I was … I could wash the cloth of everybody in the house like 8 clothes.


[User] Not now again , not now again. Me, the only people’s cloth I used to wash in my house is only my mummy’s cloth or maybe my daddy’s own, that’s all. All those ones…

[Assistant] As far as, as far as is my parent’s clothes; I will wash but those grown up big mamas and papas that all they love to be married


[User] Even to wash bath, bathroom and toilet, my brothers they don’t do it o

[Assistant] They cannot


[User] I travelled to the Benin two weeks, they left the bathroom for me to come back and wash it

[Assistant] You can imagine


[User] Yeaheee!

[Assistant] Seriously!


[User] When I entered the place I said  me, I cannot enter this, I had to go, to go and use Anonymous’s bathroom to bath. I closed my eyes, managed, looked for slippers to go and wash that bathroom before I was comfortable because anything dirty eh, my body will start itching me

[Assistant] It will be irritating you


[User] My body will be ... just start itching you. A bin remove the bed sheet since that time, Anonymous did not wash that bed sheet

[Assistant] Did not wash


[User] I told Anonymous this bed sheet is scenting sweat o, wash it  nah; he said he will wash it. This boy washed his clothes, he did not wash the bed sheet.You know what I did, I just carry one cloth from my bag just put my head on the floor like this and raise my head on the bed;  na so I take sleep till day break o, just to because so I will not perceive anything

[Assistant] Because he’s use, he’s used to it at home


[User] When I came here, Anonymous, if you see my face eh, I black, over black. If you see the giant pimples :I’m not joking o. Whether is their water in the hostel o,   abi… is because of the mattress o, I don’t just understand; I was, darker than the way I was, then all my face, pimples reaction: I told Anonymous  nah. I say if you see my face, he was like is it the water or what I’m I reacting to? I say I don’t know o. Quickly no let me lie down for the bed, just pack the bed sheet one side

[Assistant] Hmm. they need…


[User] The thing is if they use that hand to hold them, they will…

[Assistant] Ah, they will continue to spoil o


[User] Hmmm. My brother, ah! No, no, …

[Assistant] They will continue to spoil. I feel they, they should, the parents should like try to create a balance to it that both boys and girls will work


[User] Yes o

[Assistant] hmm. Not that you say ehhhh, what are you a senior for. Is what, the excuse my parents do, my parents will do always tell you, what are you a senior for, ehhn are you not suppose to do eh all the house work? Are you not suppose but the truth is that you are a human being and see, the funniest thing, where we were staying before is small, this place where we are staying is bigger


[User] And even, is even big house, bigger house…

[Assistant] Bigger house!


[User] That can be very dirty. Because, the, the way, the day you will clean that house eh, you will not even…thank God,   na so this house just fine:  oya raise under the chair, you will be seeing dirty

[Assistant] As in… I say, clean, mop, wash. You want to bath?


[User] Anonymous, if I no dey that our house, you cannot enter our kitchen…I’m telling you the fact. If I’m not in that house eh, if you enter our kitchen, if they give you food, you will not eat. Forget the pot but once they, once they are cooking eh, both the maggi nylon o everything on top of the cabinet, they will not even clean anything

[Assistant] And they can the ones, they will just like scatter everywhere


[User] But me,  I will first of all sweep everything, mop everywhere because me, anything dirty eh, my blood hmm, hmm, even the, the easter day, they went to church, my mummy had ehh barbecue contract to do; about 4  abi 5 cartons of Tilapia

[Assistant] Wao!


[User] Immediately she was, eh she said I should not go to church, I should help to go to the market, after she finished it, I went to the house, when I enter kitchen, Ifeoma, I open mouth, I raise my hand like… I have to first of all clean the whole house, clean everywhere, mop it. Finish mobbing, when they came back they said is the food not still ready?

[Assistant] Ehh?


[User] I said ready when you people left the house like that. Before they ate, it was around after 5 o, after 5 that they ate. My brothers eh, their own is too much

[Assistant] Just, is not, I use to, at a time eh, I became tired


[User] Although, if I’m, not in the house, I have this peace. Sometimes I will tell God, I will say God, I cannot wait and get married and leave this house because this house is just stressing me and now,  me I cannot wait to go for service because me I’m tired of the house. Is true o, their own is too much. My parents are not…

[Assistant] Are all of them at home?


[User] Yes o

[Assistant] They are all at home  nah


[User] Why are they? are they not in school?

[Assistant] They’ve not gained admission


[User] Not even your immediate younger one?

[Assistant] No, two, they wrote jamb last year, they didn’t make it. They’re learning… one is learning mechanic, the other one is welding.


[User] Okay

[Assistant] That’s what is … Then, the third one is still in SS2, the last born is in ehhh SS eh 1; that one is learning tailoring then the other one is learning… the last born is learning errr… this barbbing, barbbing’s work


[User] Okay

[Assistant] And after that one, they want to go and put him to learn in the east now


[User] Hope there is.. none of them want to go to university?

[Assistant] They wrote jamb but jamb result is not yet out


[User] Okay

[Assistant] They are too dirty


[User] Eh yah, but it’s good to engage them with things o

[Assistant] Yes o


[User] With all these  things… instead of staying in the house and doing nothing, I like the plan

[Assistant] Because they will, by the time they will enter school, is this kind one, they will pay them 5,000 to cook egusi soup


[User] Yes o

[Assistant] That is without meat and the soup will be watery


[User] I remember somebody once call me say soup without meat

[Assistant] Eh, e get person wey don tell me that stori. he gave the girl 5,000 to cook egusi soup, the girl cooked the egusi soup without meat. By the time he will collect the soup, he cut the soup in his elbow.


[User] Ah God!

[Assistant] abi the one I read online.  The man, the guy, better hungry don beat am for school. His sister now came one day when he came, She say will you learn how to cook food now? Because it’s like when he was at home, he doesn’t use to learn how to cook. He’s like he’s from a wealthy… family. So the sister, housemaid, everybody is there to cook, ehn, he will survive in school  nah. By the time he went to school and came back, the sister now called him one day.  the guy just lie down carry belle face up but when e hit am, na im the sister now come, the sister now call him.  she now say come eheh,  will you learn how to cook now? He said Yes! Yes! I want to learn how to cook


[User] With ambition

[Assistant] And with speed, the sister … how to cook; if not, starvation, hmmm.  And girls, even some girls no get conscience. Dem go collect the money cook yaun, yaun food give you


[User] Even if you give them 5,000, they will use ehhhh 3,000

[Assistant] That’s the girl that collected 5,000 to cook egusi soup without meat  so. That means more than half of the money is…


[User] That means is just 1,000 naira she used to buy egusi and the rest

[Assistant] … and the rest to cook the food. She did not buy meat inside and collected 4,000 naira()


[User] I don’t understand o

[Assistant] Ah! God will help somebody o


[User] Yes o

[Assistant] At all o, all this errrrm…


[User] Nnaa for here nah, do you know they’ve been asking me…

[Assistant] Do you know, do you know, the, you know the funniest thing?


[User] when are you going to serve, you are already due o, you have not still left, you are still here?

[Assistant] They are asking you?


[User] Ev…everyday o, when I’m I going

[Assistant] They don’t want you to leave  nah


[User] They want me to go

[Assistant] I pray o


[User] If you go, who will take care of the house?

[Assistant] Who will take care of the house!


[User] Do you know when I came back, if you see my room… they used my laptop, finished the battery, scattered my bed, they now left. Even my bed, my room was not even swept when they finished using it.Do you know what they told me? This one said it was not him, this one said it was not him.

[Assistant] So, who was, who now did? Is you that came from where you went to and scattered everywhere


[User] That day it was scanty, I wish I will start going, I’ll just tell them let them be doing what they are doing

[Assistant] Even Amara, though Amara is hardworking o to an extent at home, she is hardworking, she does work but by the time she will go, she went to school; I don’t know whether is the school she went to and came back o, to do work, even to cook food for herself to eat is a problem.


[User] Ehhh because she was, she went to where, university?

[Assistant] Ehhhn, university!


[User] Ehhhen nah, she doesn’t cook in school, was she cooking in school?

[Assistant] She’s cooking in school! But e, to the extent that the last time she came, she was seriously sick. Though she said that to they had to read for exam, prepare and… so then, I will tell her and beg, if you see the small thing she will eat, I will now be the one to beg her o that’s why sometimes she will eat


[User] Ah! Beg her to eat  kwa!

[Assistant] Because you know normally, right from time, she doesn’t really eat that much; right from time. Na she be the only baby wey dey that house wey dem dey always dey force to chop food


[User] E… Ebube abi Amara?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Na im dem dey force to eat?

[Assistant] Because when she was a baby she hardly eat. So… mtchew, that time they, one time she was now very sick, they now treated her, they now said that they need to treat, she need to take eh supplement and other things to boost her system so that she can also be able to eat. That is the, the… co, the errrrm system not to be strong enough that’s why she’s not even having appetite to eat the food. So… they now start treating her, she now ate, started eating but as she went to school  nah, whether is the stress of school  nah couple with, you know, sometimes I will now tell her see… please eat. I will now, what I will know do, when I know she is coming, I will now make sure that when, as she is coming, she will be able to eat food in the house; prepare food, she will eat.


[User] Ah! Nawao! Her course is five years  nah?

[Assistant] Four


[User] Okay. What, which course  sef?

[Assistant] Industrial Chemistry


[User] industrial chemistry,  chemistry

[Assistant] It's four years


[User] It's four years

[Assistant] It's not engineeeeeering course like…


[User] The industrial chemistry wait, the petroleum one?

[Assistant] Eh! Federal University of errrr, Petroleum Resources


[User] Okay

[Assistant] She go just do am sharp, sharp!


[User] _ Is it the Amara?

[Assistant] Ehhh!


[User] Amara is your immediate, no, the…

[Assistant] The third born


[User] The second girl

[Assistant] Yes, the second girl and our third born


[User] Okay. Heeeew Anonymous! I like your house

[Assistant] Our house?


[User] Especially your guys, your brothers and that other small girl hmm! That’s the only friends I have in your house

[Assistant] when they want to do their own wahala now, na you go dey run o.


[User] The remaining two of you ehn…

[Assistant] When dem go start their wahala, na you go run o.


[User] I don’t like, I don’t like two of you. As far as I’ve seen Iyke, Tobe…

[Assistant] I pray o. The ones wey use laziness scatter themselves, mtchew…


[User] their house is okay for me

[Assistant] when make e reach errrrm


[User] Yes o! They are fun to be with o

[Assistant] Ehhh! If you’re with Iyke, he will gist with you


[User] Anonymous is the first son?

[Assistant] Ehhhn then To, errm, Anonymous, even on line, me and Anonymous use to chat o


[User] Ehhen nah

[Assistant] We use, we’ll talk, errrm… Ebub… I will just see her the way she use to run around.I will just start laughing. Then, the remaining the two of you, hmm, abeg, you people should go


[User] You mean Anonymous, you mean…

[Assistant] You mean Anonymous and Anonymous?


[User] Eh, Anonymous and Anonymous

[Assistant] No ooo


[User] Their own they tire me, but those the other three,

[Assistant] No ooo, you have not stayed where Amara  o


[User] Eh Eh!

[Assistant] Heeeeeeeeeey, Jesus! If Amara is here talking. If you stay with Amara small, she will… that her razor blade mouth


[User] She talks more than Anonymous?

[Assistant] Ah, Heee… not that she really talks more than Ebube, but when she opens her mouth to talk,


[User] So far as…

[Assistant] You will be begging her to close the mouth.  She get bad mouth sometimes  sha… But…when e reach work, na there she go take dey run


[User] I know say na, na there dem dey take dey run

[Assistant] Na it


[User] You no see the day wey we do anniversary.You no see say Anonymous tell you say im dey run

[Assistant] I vex for Anonymous, I vex for Anonymous for that nonsense wey im dey run


[User] He say see, girls are for, are meant to wash plates,  me I’m going to school the next day but I don’t want to wash plate

[Assistant] No mind them


[User] That is what he even said when they introduced him as boys are…

[Assistant] Girls are meant to wash plate in this generation


[User] In this … that’s the way the parents are …, their upbringing is like that o

[Assistant] Some parents are like that o. My mum did, my mum did not train us like that eh girls should be, I don’t know, it’s just the boys…


[User] My dear, now that they’re coming up, it’s as if their head; they’re now forming big boys…

[Assistant] I don’t know. I don’t understand, it was not like that before. Though when we were small, I, he still use to push them, let’s work. But another thing is the period when Anonymous and Anonymous went to school, so… I gave him… I wasn’t really close to the, to them. Between JS 1 and JS 3, me and Anonymous did not really see that much  nah


[User] Okayyyy

[Assistant] That was three years of him because that was around when I was errrm 11 to 14


[User] And when you came back, you wish,

[Assistant] By the time I was coming back,


[User] You were already in school

[Assistant] Eh heeeeen. Then Anonymous herself too. So that level of having that ehhh…relationship with them okay…


[User] Was not there

[Assistant] Eheeeeen, was not there. Even Anonymous too. SS1 to SS3 I was not really with Anonymous them eheeeen, so… is just that they themselves too…


[User] See, you don dey add weight o

[Assistant] This one na the… ehhhh


[User] The last time I check my weight 53

[Assistant] Ehhhennn. Ah ah, the last time…


[User] Me and you… Aunty, me and her, whose weight bigger?

[Assistant] Bigger how?


[User] In body; who has body

[Assistant] Two of you are almost the same thing, because she doesn’t have body. When you look at her, you think it looks as if she has body; she doesn’t have body


[User] Ehhhheeeen. She doesn’t have anything but now she’s just consuming sugar and fat

[Assistant] But this, this the coke I’m supposed to drink yesterday o. since yesterday coke I’ve been drinking till today o.


[User] Small, small. Go and give it to one of your small girl at home

[Assistant] Ehhhhh, maybe I will give it to them. Errrrm, what did they call it? I’m just thinking, I’m thirsty for water…


[User] Ehheeennn drink   nah, you don’t drink eh…

[Assistant] Is just what I’ve been using for what I drink


[User] I don’t take all these things ooo: I’m watching my weight o. I was bigger than this before  nah, she knows, she knows nah

[Assistant] She was bigger than this before, when, ahhhhhn, Anonymous; the sugar master


[User] I can take…

[Assistant] The one who eats fried plantain more than any other person


[User] I can take two pepsi, as in when I take, I take again

[Assistant] Two big pepsi, hmm


[User] Ah! Very high then With too many, many thing. You were sweating

[Assistant] Ah! Forget  ah o. If it is now; before I use to sweat o


[User] Sweat profusely

[Assistant] As in, you were very, very big?


[User] I was big o

[Assistant] Very big; she was bigger than me then


[User] Bigger than you…

[Assistant] Are you big?


[User] Okay, then you were big too?

[Assistant] I was big ooo, Anonymous was…


[User] Yes, I was weighting 70kg at a time before I now dropped to 60 then, I now move from 60. I’m now weighing between 60 – 63 on weight. So, I used to be very big before, before I now dropped

[Assistant] Who send me 10,000 naira. If it be one customer


[User] Maybe is for business  nah

[Assistant] Mama, I don’t know the customer o


[User] E don reach business, you no know…

[Assistant] Make that man just send money come now, Anonymous go and withdraw my money back.This period now, I’ve try, I’ve already started working out for exercise o


[User] Who is Anonymous? Oh! Really! Is this you?

[Assistant] This‘s me


[User] Wao!

[Assistant] You were, you were weighing up to 70 that time  nah


[User] More than 70. I was up to nine, ninety something

[Assistant] Eighty something, I guess


[User] Ninety something.  Ninety two abi ninety five sef

[Assistant] So… what helped you?


[User] I was drinking…

[Assistant] Exercise


[User] Drinking ginger… and ehhh lemon

[Assistant] Oh! You were taking with me;  abi?


[User] Yes nah, I was taking it o

[Assistant] Wao! After Evelyn wedding when we went to go and do voters card, when I first saw you, I look, I was,  is this Anonymous?


[User] Yes nah

[Assistant] E come be like say you come dey sick malaria


[User] I was now as if I was sick; all my neck was now like this.They were like… ehh, it is malnutrition, I was eating well… That was what they were telling me  nah

[Assistant] Nooo, it was, but it was necessary


[User] See nah

[Assistant] Really? Is this you?


[User] I was, is me ooo. Me I refused to delete all those pictures. if I tell somebody that i’m, I was, i already big before. My house is, my mummy is big, so I’m trying not to be like her. So, that’s what I’m trying to do

[Assistant] Me, when I checked my weight, i…


[User] And fat has a way of making people look older

[Assistant] Yes. Older


[User] She was, she was really looking older than she looks now

[Assistant] Maybe anybody that knows you then and sees you now will think you are your kid sister


[User] Will not recognize you

[Assistant] You were looking like a 30 year old woman


[User] I dey tell you. Even my lecturer said, he said how is your husband? I said I’m not married. When he saw me about four weeks ago nah,  He said you are now looking so young

[Assistant] Wao!


[User] That’s the first thing he tell me, he said you are now looking so young. He said eh eh, I like what I see, not that time you were looking like… like this.  Me I like myself like this. If  I want to even walk down

[Assistant] No, the way you are now is okay


[User] It's okay

[Assistant] Hmm. Don’t work down more


[User] It's okay, just maintain… it doesn’t, that’s what  me I’m doing now. I’m maintaining the pro, since I drop all the way from 70 to 60; at a time, it was even 59  sef

[Assistant] Before you were, before you were even fifty something  sef when we’ve gone to check


[User] When we check

[Assistant] All of a sudden, my sister just go blow


[User] I now, I dise… No, I didn’t want to look so sick I just, apart from that, I was always feeling headache one kind...

[Assistant] So what do you, what do you weigh now?


[User] Now, 63 the last time I checked

[Assistant] Me, I don’t even know my present weight now


[User] Okay; it’s okay

[Assistant] Is Anonymous  that is even 70 with his lege, lege body


[User] With that thin body?

[Assistant] Yes o


[User] That's muscle. Yeah, it's their muscle

[Assistant] Is my daddy that weigh, my daddy weighs sixty, sixty something


[User] No...?

[Assistant] As at eh, as at the last time I knew that he checked it o


[User] It’s so small… It should, it will…

[Assistant] My daddy is very slim o


[User] Your daddy is slim?

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] I said let me come and try

[Assistant] You have graduated?


[User] Yes

[Assistant] Ehhen, she is one of the friends I told you graduated, she finished from Uniben


[User] Aunty ifeoma is my, my former sister that abandoned me

[Assistant] I did not abandon her o


[User] You abandon me

[Assistant] I did not abandon her, I did not abandon her o.


[User] You people didn’t …

[Assistant] Is she that's the one that ran away and left me


[User] Me I did not run away.How is Mummy nah?

[Assistant] Mummy it's fine, she’s okay


[User] With Anonymous all?

[Assistant] They are fine, they are, all of them are in Warri


[User] Alright, I told mummy when I come back fully from…, I will come to the house

[Assistant] Yes, I don’t even know  sef


[User] Please, I need to watch my weight o

[Assistant] Na only, na only small weight you wan watch, we go even wa...


[User] They said i’m too fat

[Assistant] We go even watch our height join. Abeg you, how many weight person dey watch, abeg, how long will you continue to…?


[User] I need to reduce o

[Assistant] Ehhh, it's good sha


[User] The thing is costing me ooo

[Assistant] But you are able to… errrm…


[User] I just came in today o

[Assistant] Seriously!


[User] I just dey come like this

[Assistant] I came in yesterday, we were looking for where to even stay that yesterday.


[User] Okay

[Assistant] So, but it was ehn, Uniben guest house we were able to find


[User] E make sense

[Assistant] That’s it. Which side are you staying?


[User] I’m going to Chika’s place o, towards the other place

[Assistant] Okay, Anonymous’s…


[User] Eheen. Hmmm, maybe tomorrow if I have any good feedback, just praying for the best. If they say I should stay maybe two three days I will get it then…

[Assistant] You are, you are very certain


[User] Anonymous, they said we should come three weeks times, this is even fourth week

[Assistant] Ah!


[User] So, yes  nah! Four weeks plus  sef. I want to go tomorrow. Some said they are through, some said  they are talking to them rudely.

[Assistant] Okay


[User] So, I said let me come and try whether they will answer me well. So, Anonymous said even though it’s 12:00 I should just try and be around like that. One of my friends told me she said they will just, I should be nice to them, just follow them and laugh, talk to them what I really need for my NYSC.

[Assistant] What, what do you want, what exactly do you want?


[User] : it’s statement of result

[Assistant] Okay, of course, you need your statement of result


[User] They don’t want to release it o and they said other departments they have already started giving them their own.

[Assistant] : And your own department, why e be say the thing dey take time like that


[User] Even our department is even slow in everything

[Assistant] Because I remember say when you, una need to fill result… Economics and statistics na one of the last eh this thing


[User] Never come out

[Assistant] The thing eh, e dey stress me


[User] Just tire o. Uniben eh, the way that status be, na so dem just dey dull people dey do . Even when you want to collect your result, they will bend you

[Assistant] With vex o


[User] : Ah! Abeg It’s not easy o. What eh, I will just tell you is that you just put it in, you just be praying about it, just be praying about it, so that you can get the result once. So, when is batch, batch, next batch?

[Assistant] Batch B is coming, is going June 8, 18


[User] And they’ve started the registration

[Assistant] And registration is going to be, they said portal is going to open this month


[User] Okay…

[Assistant] And we’ve not even seen and I need to collect and write my name in student’s affairs


[User] You will what?

[Assistant] When you collect the statement, you will put down your name…


[User] In student’s affairs

[Assistant] And they will send it to Abuja before Abuja will release the name


[User] So, how will they now do all this one?

[Assistant] Ahhh it’s true because I remember Anonymous said something like that


[User] Like that?

[Assistant] Ehhhen. Anonymous said they will have to… in Victor’s own, I don’t just know how God just did it eh


[User] Na God o

[Assistant] Last minute they sent the result, as they sent the result, he was able to and they extend the, I think they extended the date


[User] Yes

[Assistant] For the… expiration. The extended the date. It was not easy


[User] He is lucky and they even took him to a better place

[Assistant] In good place. Ebonyi State for that matter.


[User] He is lucky ooo

[Assistant] E make sense as in eh e just too make sense


[User] Okay, call up has started coming out?

[Assistant] It will soon come out


[User] It will soon start

[Assistant] How did you know where they put you?


[User] Ehhh, they will post it, they will post it on their… page

[Assistant] Their page. Your name will come out on the list that you are going


[User] And school need to send your name first

[Assistant] So, it’s the..., they need to send her own name to… their…


[User] NYSC

[Assistant] NYSC office at Abuja, Before her name can come out


[User] Statement never come out

[Assistant] And statement needs to come out first. So…


[User] I can’t come and stress myself

[Assistant] When is the next, the next batch going?


[User] After the that June, the second errrm… it will be, the next one will go June twenty something to August and me I don’t want to go to that stream two, stream one will be…: That is all those collecting it quick

[Assistant] By the time you finish, you finish ending of the year, you will finish early: Because now as Victor went late in November last year, he will finish November this year


[User] I need to be early

[Assistant] Don’t worry it will work out fine


[User] Don’t worry it can work out fine

[Assistant] Amen ooo


[User] It will work out fine. I even shock when I see you, I no cause I think say you no dey school

[Assistant] Me, I no even know say you dey, me all my plan I just..., I’ve been planning it I will be coming to Warri, coming to Warri, coming to Warri. My mummy just say let me just go today since everybody is just mtchew, saying it like that


[User] Talking about it.

[Assistant] Let me just go and since the guy said come three weeks or one month time


[User] But yes, do they open on Saturday?

[Assistant] No, ... Fridays


[User] Okay, because yesterday when I was close to that health side, they were, their offices was not open, so I was that’s why I said let me ask you whether they open weekend

[Assistant] So, that means Monday to Friday


[User] Even Monday, hmmm.Tomorrow nah, tomorrow morning I will go there

[Assistant] Tomorrow is Monday that they would have rested, refreshed, eaten enough chicken and salad and all the rest I respect to…


[User] That’s the best, I don’t know what … do

[Assistant] …themselves


[User] Even when I went for the clearance the man was talking to me nicely o.  E dey enter their head

[Assistant] You know say ChiChi eh, sometimes eh, I no just understand. But I, sometimes you o enter, Just pray say you o just dey their good book when you just arrive…


[User] Amen oooooo

[Assistant] If they see you, they will just…, the beauty of the Lord is upon you


[User] Amen oooooo

[Assistant] And they will just answer you once. No, seriously o, ah!


[User] Amen o. I’m just tired. I just enter bus I was not smiling, I was just frowning. Why I go dey…

[Assistant] Why you go dey smile?


[User] Because hmmm, see ehhen, for how many weeks

[Assistant] Ah but sha, e reach to vex


[User] Where, where did you, where did you come from?

[Assistant] Warri


[User] She live in the same Warri with us

[Assistant] Ahhn yes, we live in we live In Warri


[User] We live together. We live in, we live in Warri. She she is staying at Igboroke, me I live at ehhhegbono, ekpokoko side; that’s where I stay so, but school; that’s what brought us together

[Assistant] … the same hostel   sef


[User] All of us we were in the same hostel. When I first gain admission, it was her place I stayed …before I now finally got my own

[Assistant] The same hostel. All of us we were like sisters, we used to quarrel later we will settle


[User] All of us, we are, we no, we will quarrel ourselves, we will settle ourselves. We still quarrel again…

[Assistant] So, that is how it has always …, it’s like our hostel was like a family


[User] family house

[Assistant] It doesn’t, we don’t relate to each other like as if we are from different mothers. We will, eh you can sleep in your neighbour’s house, you can go to if you are, if a person is not feeling fine, is everybody that is not feeling fine. How are you? How are you doing? Eh…


[User] Have you eaten?

[Assistant] I remember one time I was rushed to the clinic  nah, it was ehhh Victor and my cousin that followed me


[User] I wasn’t around

[Assistant] You were in, you were not around


[User] Okayyy! It was that night, they said I should not go. They said it was too late

[Assistant] That it was late. They now carried me to… the… hospital that day. No, they are, they are wonderful and I’ve, is them that has been my friend ri…ght from time till now. Anonymous nah, Anonymous is my friend, he comes to the house, she herself too, she comes to the house. My mum, my mum accepted all of them as my friends. So… I did not, we don’t even relate like friends sef, we relate more like siblings;brothers and sisters. So, that’s how it has and some of us we are not like their, like Ifunanya  nah. Ifunanya is in Lagos.


[User] Jesus! Are you serious?

[Assistant] Yes, she is in Lagos. She’s now eh, she’s now a tailor. She now does, eh she designs cloth and make ahh. She’s doing well for herself. I saw, I normally see her post sometimes, her pictures for the dresses that she made.


[User] Did she graduate from here?

[Assistant] Yes, she graduated too from here. She did eh English and Literature. Ehen, she did English and Literature. Well as in, her wonderful family


[User] That’s good

[Assistant] Amazing!


[User] Okay nah

[Assistant] Thank you ma!


[User] Bye!

[Assistant] Try, try and go and rest


[User] Maybe tomorrow we will see

[Assistant] Tomorrow, I will call you  nah


[User] Tomorrow we’ll see

[Assistant] Don’t tell me that you changed number o because that’s how you used to do


[User] No, my number, my number is still the same

[Assistant] Come and give me your whatsapp number, I don’t understand


[User] You don’t have it

[Assistant] Is that other one I have


[User] This one of eh, 09024

[Assistant] That one is my airtel


[User] Ehhhen, that’s the one I have

[Assistant] Okay, is that the only one you have?


[User] Ehhen!

[Assistant] That’s my MTN. You know, you remember when you called me that time, my…


[User] I told you to send me your errm, the MTN, you did not send it

[Assistant] I forgot, don’t mind me. My MTN line, I put the sim inside phone and the thing stopped working all of a sudden, stopped working. So I had to go and retrieve it.


[User] Serious?

[Assistant] So, I lost a lot of contact. All… almost all the number, even ehhh, Anonymous’s number, ehh… Anonymous’s number, a lot of them; I lost their. Is if the person now call me, I will now try to use my hear to recognize the voice, then I will now save the person’s number. Some I will just say  abeg, please tell me, what’s your name? I will, if I cannot be able to recognize the voice. So…


[User] My dear… my dear friend. I will call you  nah; tomorrow.

[Assistant] No problem. Tomorrow we’ll see


[User] Thank you ma!

[Assistant] Bye!


[User] Bye! Bye!! Ma!

[Assistant] Okay, no problem. Take care!


[User] So I don’t Know; what do you want to say  about that girl

[Assistant] That babe


[User] yeah

[Assistant] That girl dey ok to my liking. she is very quiet, you know.  I dey  like that kind girl. she is  very quiet.


[User] The last time I saw her, it was in the night  sha, so I didn’t see her very well, so but today am surprise, she is ok. She is dark.she make sense, I didnt expect to see her

[Assistant] that one dey naw.  when you were telling me that you wanted to go and see her, I was like guy I hope say she dey ok.  no be person wey we  go go meet …


[User] I don tell you say the girl no dey ok. I don dey surprise the time I come see am. So I dey surprise unto say the girl make sense self.  Na to go help us she come dey yan me unto say im no need  all this relationship stuff. That it is too early to begin to tell her say I  like am.

[Assistant] No it's never too early  naw. Is she not in first year?, you just asked her out and she came and you just told her what your mind is. So why is she telling you that……. Where did you say you even   meet am sef.


[User] for thateheee opposite of that UNN Library

[Assistant] ok that UNN Library.  wetin carry you go UNN Library, wetin you go do  for UNN Library


[User] That day wey Annonymous come UNN. So that night I just... when coming back, I saw her sha, say hello. just stopped her, talked to her and I collect number that night. Then we start calling and chatting and I just dey  see am today.

[Assistant] Then which department is the girl?


[User] She said   agric extension

[Assistant] She said agric extension; na waa o! . But she is, I like her structure. she is very calm. That’s  the girl wey I dey like. That kind girl I dey like am oooooo. Wetin you be tell am before she  gree give you her number.


[User] I was surprise self, don’t even know. I don’t even think say E go give me her number that night. I just tell am say hello, I just introduce myself, even tell me her name that night. Then e say she want  to withdraw from First Bank. I said ok,  can you give me your number maybe next time  we can talk?.

[Assistant] So you no carry am go first bank make she withdraw?


[User] no I no carry am.I’m going to my house  naw.  no, no no no, I no dey do that.

[Assistant] Why you no dey do that kind thing


[User] No, I'm a man of integrity

[Assistant] you are a man of integrity, but you go stop girl collect number from am. Is that what made you man of integrity.


[User] I no dey  escort like that

[Assistant] you might escort her to bank she might decide, you know, give you some money from what she withdrew


[User] women of nowadays don’t do that

[Assistant] you say what?


[User] women of nowadays  don’t do that

[Assistant] why?


[User] Ah ah, you know naw, they are vey stingy

[Assistant] No, not all girls are very stingy.


[User] let me say 95% of them don’t do that, it’s not possible.

[Assistant] 95% of them heee…….  How? So are you talking from the experience that you have had? Can you tell me a little experience that  you have had?


[User] no nono, I can’t am sorry

[Assistant] sha the girl dubu, she dubu.  she is dark: You know they said that black is beautiful


[User] yeah yeah

[Assistant] I don even forget who  talk am self


[User] I don even forget, ……. Ok; I think Flavour

[Assistant] Flavour kwa, where the girl talk say she dey stay?


[User] Behind flat

[Assistant] Behind flat, so as you dey go now, you go go prepare come visit am?  you go dey go visit am. Does she  stay alone?


[User] no she   get room mate

[Assistant] ok na she tell you say she get roommate.  Na waa o! that one sha is very ok.  At least, any day wey you no cook you go go there   go chop naw.


[User] Na so na so.

[Assistant] But I don’t believe that that kind of girl, you know, she is very homely, you see her she is very homely, you know, but the problem there is that she is from Anambra


[User] yeah from Anambra, you know Anambra people dey claim unto say………. But  sha  even at that she is quiet and gently.

[Assistant] you no remember wetin this guy Annonymous talk say Anambra girls if dey chop you ehee say your life no  go remain the same.


[User] you go chop  who no get

[Assistant] if you no get you go go borrow, you no know you go go borrow, say she never tell you say she love you, say you   never go find.


[User] Na waoooo !ok naw, let’s be looking  at her naw

[Assistant] But as you like am now, you want tell me say if she tell say make you give am one thousand or two thousand make she take plate hair you no  go give am.


[User] now now

[Assistant] ehe naw


[User] no ooooooo

[Assistant] Na lie


[User] unless later but for now, no no no I don’t do that. It means she doesn’t love me she just  need my money.

[Assistant] No am a kind of saying that if she call you now and tellyou that she have accepted your date, your proposal to her, and that you know she will call, like she will call you like baby, how far, how are you? I hope you are fine. I need money for my hair you know, I want to look good on Sunday, you know this is weekend, so what would be your reply?


[User] I will say no babe am sorry I don’t have that money now

[Assistant] ok you will tell her no, you don’t have that money now.


[User] yeah

[Assistant] why you go tell am say you   no get money?


[User] Aaha I no get money naw. We all are students

[Assistant] my man you wan  fall my hand


[User] no be say fall your hand guy, if you give am money now, him go request another one and you go give am and any day you no give am, wahala go come.  But that first day if you say you no get money eheee if him wan leave him go leave, if him wan stay him go stay. So that is it.  But if you give am, omo you go dey give am everyday. Any day you refuse to give am   wahala don burst.

[Assistant] wahala don burst like; I don’t get you. wahala don burst like wetin go happen?


[User] As in you people will    start having quarrel

[Assistant] ok you people will start having quarrel, but that is when you don’t understand yourselves but if you actually understand yourselves, I don’t think that such things would be happening. What do you think about it?


[User] I don’t understand by understanding myself

[Assistant] P/P no, once the girl been like you, love you, you know, care about you, if you tell am sef say you no get money sef that one no be matter, I no even see   issues for there.


[User] nna eh, that one I no nooooooo

[Assistant] but wetin be your mind like if on how she call you tell you that kind thing.


[User] I no go give am. To be honest with you, I no go give am

[Assistant] you won’t give her, without no reasons


[User] without no reasons, that mean say him don gree on top of it come dey beg money, eh! e dey suspicious naw.

[Assistant] you no reason say she go talk say nna eh, god don bring another stingy person for my life. Wetin, just reason this talk   way I talk.


[User] I no no sha, but I don’t think that kind girl go fit do that kind thing

[Assistant] no ooooo dey dey write am for face


[User] No the girl is gentle. I don’t think no nono

[Assistant] let me tell you, gentle ones na dem dey spoil pass, like serious, you no know


[User] It's true  sha, it's true

[Assistant] hehehehe… Nna how far naw, i no understand you, na this pen you wan pick from ground? E don reach make you dey pick pen?


[User] No oo.. no be like that o … but the pen no good o. But to be honest with you, for my first year, after first semester first year, I never buy biro since that time

[Assistant] you never buy pen from your second year?


[User] Na pick I dey pick,  guy

[Assistant] ok..na  pick you  dey pick pocket


[User] even the one wey I dey hold now, na pick I pick  am.

[Assistant] oh.. even this on wey you hold now, na pick wey you pick am…


[User] na pick I pick  am…

[Assistant] laughs… So wetin you dey do na everywhere… even o.. wait, so everywhere wey you go, you see pen, you  go pick


[User] Ehe nna…

[Assistant] even when you get pen or you no get pen, you go still pick pen?


[User] come my room naw, you go see pen, pen full my room, guy.

[Assistant] pen full your room? Guy, I dey feel you..laughs… so wetin you dey use all of  them do?


[User] ah.. if this one finish, I go bring another one, I never buy pen  since second year

[Assistant] … like seriously, you have not bought pen  since second year..


[User] E second year… no. first year,  second semester

[Assistant] first year, second semester? You  never buy pen?


[User] yeah.

[Assistant] so anyone wey you see, you go just pick, wether naw you get am or no be you get  am?


[User] ai… in'ajuaju?

[Assistant] Nna eeh… your own  better o


[User] Ah.. the thing be say during that first year, I dey buy biro almost every week. I say ah ah .. which one? If I buy biro just today, tomorrow them go thief am, I say ok naw.. I no go buy again. Na how I start my own thieving. So that is it

[Assistant] ok..your.. where you are angry is that if you buy biro, after 2, 3 times, they  will steal it


[User] they will  steal it…

[Assistant] so,you don’t know who dey steal am or  wetin?


[User] I don’t know o

[Assistant] So na im you come vex say like.. since then you  never buy pen


[User] I never buy pen

[Assistant] Nna eh.. people dey o.. ah! People dey. So on how any day wey you no carry pen come school, na him be say, wetin go happen?


[User] Hia.. any day, I must see pen that day o

[Assistant] … ok.. any day that you go to school , you  must see pen.


[User] even the worst one be say, one day, I thief person phone, person biro dey come write one lecturer call me say dey wan write test, the person come dey beg me  for that biro..I borrow am the biro, him no know say na him biro be that thing.He later bring am back, come dey thank me;  bros thank you.

[Assistant] let me get you, you stole the person’s biro and the time came for test, and the person didn’t have biro, and the person now 	came to you to beg you for the same biro that you stole from him..and you gave him the biro, and the person didn’t know that it is the biro and after, the person returned the biroand was even greeting you for.. laughs…imagine.. so you want to tell me that since first year second semester that you have not used any pen that you used your money to buy?..


[User] no …  I’ve not

[Assistant] ah.. it’s not easy o, you are telling me what I don’t know o


[User] ah… I tell you the reality.

[Assistant] hmm.. pen kwa.. ordinary pen


[User] na pen..but.

[Assistant] so any time wey we follow you now, you go dey find pen, anywhere wey you see pen you go dey.


[User] the reason.. that one no dey good…

[Assistant] the thing  off me… I see as you dey look the pen, dey look the pen like say the pen na five hundred, na im I come tell you, guy, how far naw… this one wey you dey look this pen. You wan pick am? You for tell me this story before we see the pen..sha. Anyway, the only thing that will happen, you know… anywhere wey I am going to, if I see pen, I wil call you to come and collect it.


[User] okay  naw

[Assistant] I hope you will come?


[User] sharp sharp I will come  naw

[Assistant] ok o.. no pick the one wey you no E go graduate o


[User] …no o.

[Assistant] because now, you fit pick the one wey be say, the owner go tell you say, anybody wey thief my pen no go graduate


[User] ah ah..na one na.. you be God?

[Assistant] anywhere wey you.. dem go tell you say na ordinary pen. He just picked pen that’s why he…


[User] that one no fit happen..

[Assistant] hmm… things dey happen o.. forget say things no dey happen.  You don’t know that things  dey happen?


[User] well..

[Assistant] or you want tell me say you no know say things  dey happen?


[User] things dey happen but no be say.. na matter…

[Assistant] but I have never seen this kind of person o. person wey since second year, im never buy pen. Im no dey use money buy pen.  Na people’s pen im dey use.  It’s not funny o; like seriously.. it’s not funny. The only funny part there is jusT that you have not used your money to buy pen. But anybody that you tell this will not believe o.. if I should.. how many pens will I see in your house, if I should come  to your house?


[User] ah.. the thing go  reach ten o.

[Assistant] eh?


[User] the thing go  reach ten

[Assistant] ten  people’s pen


[User] ehen.. the thing go  reach ten…

[Assistant] …ai..eh.. theatre and film studies o..chai.. so anywhere wey you go, if you just see pen, yougo just


[User] ah .. I go just juagugbem  am.

[Assistant] ok.. imagine say person dey your back, wetin you  go do?


[User] ah..na waa o.. you go think say na my pen  fall down o

[Assistant] ok.. the person go think say na your pen  fall down.


[User] yeah

[Assistant] Ah..na waa o


[User] Hello,  what’s up  naw? I’m Michael from Theatre and film studies and you; Na you get that paint wey dem use paint our faculty?  our faculty building?

[Assistant] Whether na me get  am?


[User] Eh..na you buy am? I been here say you follow this guy go buy am.

[Assistant] Guy, I no follow them o. That thing na rumour guy.


[User] Hmm…na people  wey, People wey buy that paint go chop  better money.

[Assistant] , Na better moni dem go chop naw. Dem go just budget like five hundred thousand,  go buy paint of let me say fifty thousand. So… na Naija  we dey naww ah.


[User] But actually, I don’t really like the colour of the paint.

[Assistant] They are not after the colour of the paint, all they know is that they have  done their job.


[User] Hmmm.. Na waa o. Moni dey for that paint o.  I swear.

[Assistant] Omo, moni dey naww, ah, if na you, guy You no go chop?   When you see any small small space to chop, 	guy, no need to waste time, oga.


[User] I.. the fact there is that even the lecturer  sef, I know that most of them might have eaten from the 	students because I heard that they were even contributing  three three hundred naira per student, each student  for the paint, 	imagine?

[Assistant] Actually, it’s true naw, because, if you take a look at what happened during our first semester exam, they will force you to pay fasal dues before entering into the exam hall which is not done before;maybe they have some  salaries they are getting from there, I think.


[User] No, the fasal dues that you are talking about, actually, you know that some students, rightfully, students should pay their fasal, their departmental dues and faculty dues before the exam. But, if you look at it now, some parents might have given their children their school fees  and the fasal dues but they won’t pay it; they will eat it up. So them not letting you into the exam hall, at least, it shows a sign of discipline.  Reason am naww. .

[Assistant] Guy, it is not a sign of discipline. We are paying much in this school. Go and  bring your school fees receipt, you will see there that you have paid for all those things but they will still force you to pay again. Is this thing not bribery and corruption?  It’s bribery and corruption  naww…


[User] Even this bribery and corruption, who will you report to? Who do you have access to?.

[Assistant] well, as far as Nigeria is concerned, you don’t have  access to anybody.


[User] hmmm… na waa o,  this is not fair , like seriously.

[Assistant] Actually it’s not fair, but you  cannot kill yourself.


[User] HOD, wetin you  get to talk naww?

[Assistant] HOD over to you.


[User] As business, as business, as it is….

[Assistant] HOD, so you like what they are doing to us or what? .


[User] Just that we don’t have freedom of speech. It’s like this, if you talk they will be like..eh.. it’s been in the constitution of the school that we have been doing this for over years and years… so it can’t be changed. So if we were given the opportunity to change it, I will change it. It’s not a must,  it’s not compulsory. .

[Assistant] But even though they give you the opportunity to go there,  na you go chop pass sef. You just dey complain like say you never reach. If you reach there now,  na you go like chop pass naww; true or false?


[User] everly,  everly.

[Assistant] money makes money. I tell you. .


[User] I know that money makes money, but at least, if you reach there now, you go like chop the one wey you never chop before. .

[Assistant] Na true naww, guy, no need to waste time, guy. Once dem give you something, guy, you go chow, guy. Chow on a kumkum level. .


[User] oh boy,  girls   dey this school o… You see this one  wey just pass?

[Assistant] I see am naw, I see am, guy.


[User] Omo eh..Na only girls dey give us joy  for this school.If girls no dey this school, I no go  dey this school… Nna na by seeing o. Na only seeing wey we dey see o. but na only seeing o.  just dey like say…

[Assistant] I dey tell you… you just use eye dey touch.


[User] Dey see, dey touch everything.

[Assistant] if you touch by force, guy, you go commit crime. You go enter jail


[User] like which kind crime? No be only touching?

[Assistant] ah.. guy, you go enter prison o


[User] where you think say he go  carry you go?

[Assistant] ah..ah.. forget o, no be say dem see everybody dey waka like this. You don’t know where  im  dey come from o


[User] Oga, e get as e be, you go  use leg bail yourself…

[Assistant] Guy,  if you use leg bail yourself, dem go still  find you come there, guy


[User] For the meantime naww...,  you go  use leg bail yourself  naww.

[Assistant] you say na light  dey when, yesterday?


[User] Dem  bring light yesterday

[Assistant] When  dem take the light?


[User] around eight, abi three… e be like say  na around two

[Assistant] why Paul phone go die, shey lister dey yesterday, una on lister, ba? Why him go dey talk say him phone don die? But you hear that matters naw… that Akuto own. You never hear am? You hear the..nna, e just  dey surprising… one Mariam?


[User] Yeah… eko Mariam.. the girl just dey pass, im dey come here everyday. So e get one day, as in.. e sick…

[Assistant] wetin you come ask am naw? you no tell am who ... am give am?


[User] I ask am naw. she tell me say, she call who.. is it Atamesiegha, sey Anonymous don go Ubaho

[Assistant] you no tell am say she dey mad? Na wetin I dey always tell you.. always on guard o..


[User] O that soildier ya na ya so

[Assistant] See as kutu go overboard. I come dey hear am


[User] ehen naww, na cilego..

[Assistant] Ok the person wey him follow with na Anonymous?


[User] Na cilego

[Assistant] that one wey get body?


[User] ok that im second?

[Assistant] Ehe naw, na yesterday I know say na im ...


[User] why im no gree ... am that day naw. Im come hide am; hide am

[Assistant] you know say two of them na ... soldiers


[User] and then?

[Assistant] you know say…


[User] E no matter naw… nnaa eh, How you go come for where your brothers dey and you no go say…

[Assistant] if na my brother wey from far place come here..


[User] Nnaa eeh.. soldier dey go down naww. say im be soldier no be for house…

[Assistant] after all sef eeh…


[User] im pass government?

[Assistant] no o… im no pass government.


[User] If im jonse,dem go gon am down.

[Assistant] na Anonymous naw..


[User] you know say Anonymous na old man

[Assistant] Oga…


[User] (on phone…) hello, Anonymous.

[Assistant] I come lagos before him naw


[User] ok.. You come lagos before am? No tell am. No reason am. Just tell am say I wan follow am talk.

[Assistant] Biko eeh.. gi na Anonymous o no nso?


[User] make I follow am talk

[Assistant] Anonymous no nso. Biko ige nyeya phone ka mu na ya kwo, biko o?


[User] make i follow am talk

[Assistant] M’na kpo numba ya. Im say im dey with am.


[User] Wait… im say im dey with am; Why im no give am phone

[Assistant] im no collect phone talk…


[User] you no know wetin im ask you?

[Assistant] call am back… call am back


[User] im say him dey with am.. him suppose give am phone make we…

[Assistant] im say im go buy food


[User] im go buy food. Now you know say rumor… Anonymous too dey carry rumour. Before you know am, dem don spread the news on unnecessary things wey no make sense.

[Assistant] Na same thing wey happen to me now. E get one of my uncle wey dey London. Dem call am say I dey prison


[User] Dem call am say wetin happen?

[Assistant] Dem call my uncle wey dey London, tell am say I dey prison.


[User] dem call your uncle we dey London…

[Assistant] London. Tell am say I dey prison.


[User] Nna eeh.. people will just dey talk nonsense nonsense. Na that thing enter me this morning wey you call me o. if you see as e take talk am eeh.. this guy call me.So many people don dey call me, send me Anonymous number; send me anonymous number. If I ask them wetin dey happen, they no go reply message again. That kind thing na jonsing naw. How far that guy naw wey him dey? Eeh?

[Assistant] im go bath


[User] eh? im go bath?

[Assistant] yeah


[User] im go wash am naww..

[Assistant] no na normal thing; im go wash am. No o.. this one, leave.. we will talk about his matter later.


[User] who?

[Assistant] you naw, you no get, you no get human conscience at all.This guy no get human conscience at all.. na why I just come tell am say make im...


[User] Bad man in the game.. bad man in the game

[Assistant] because when im tell me say the guy don dey ok, na him I say eh.. this guy, wetin Anonymous... Who knows wetin  Anonymous don do this man…


[User] ..He wanted to faint o...

[Assistant] The man no get human sympathy at all


[User] Guy you no understand…

[Assistant] Ok.. what they speak there is eeh Ndoki.


[User] Eeh.. Ndoki. Ndoki is in Rivers.. I went to somewhere.. one guy was like asking me where am I from in Anambra state. I’m from Abala. I wish.. and he was like Aguleri and all that kind of things.. I was like.. when I reach.. he was like I’m from Ngokpala and I’m in Rivers. Are you sure you know where you are from? I’m from Abala. I now explained to him and he was like ok ok I remember. That they cut out some part. That is just it.. silent talks…

[Assistant] but can you speak the…


[User] I can’t speak their language

[Assistant] ok. you don’t speak it.


[User] I have not really stayed that.. my community for sometime. I went there just to visit. And that’s a long… that’s only when I was in secondary.. primary school

[Assistant] your mum must have been a beautiful wife to have you. I wonder how she will look like


[User] my mum is beautiful. Let me just say.. she is.. situations dealt with her beauty, but she is very  modest.. she doesn’t dress that much. Simple dressing. I tell you each time my mummy is passing.. I say, chai, this woman is fine. Even when she came to see us in school.. me and my sister is in secondary school, then in Lagos state, that time she comes, all the boys in my class will be chasing her and I’d be saying.. are you people normal? and because, they will be whining are and she will now be playing along

[Assistant] Eeyaah…


[User] just that issues and all that.. she had to go through.. let’s just say she looks older now.. my mum is older than her age o. but you will not know that she has children. But then, you will never know. You’d think we are sisters. You’d think she is my elder sister

[Assistant] so how many are you


[User] we are five

[Assistant] how many girls?


[User] Three girls, then two boys. Young girls.. you think I’m the eldest. I’m the second girl, and second child. My elder sister is in the UK, my younger sister is in UK. My brother is in second year. My brothers are still in ss2 now. I don’t know the last one…

[Assistant] that’s very nice. That’s very nice and I know  all of them are as beautiful as you are.. your sisters.


[User] My younger sister is beautiful in her own way. My elders sister is beautiful in her own way. My brothers are handsome in there own way..

[Assistant] I’m just imagining how they will look like seeing you.. I’m just a kind of imagining how beautiful they will look like..and you know sometimes eeh.. younger ones look more beautiful than the older ones


[User] my phone is not that clear.. let me just.. it’s not here.. I thought I had a picture of them here..

[Assistant] that’s very nice.. that’s very nice of you.. that’s very nice.. and you wrote your JAMB just once…


[User] Because i got to notice that he had, he even had to go to the extent of renting a place for this girl..laughs..

[Assistant] Yeah.. he did


[User] and paid like four years.. like interval, you get

[Assistant] he did, he did


[User] he did so, so from the look of things, hmm… I’ve noticed about, I think..ok..listen.. my plan now was this, een. That’s why I said I thought of these things here.. I want to get a new phone I’m probably going to get it this week or next week, latest. So.. this phone is over a hundred and… ninety something. It’s an Iphone, 6X plus.. so, we’ve been discussing about it, so he’s been like..hmm.. how much do you have. I was like, what I have is just 40k o. so he now told me..eeh..you are a big girl o. 40k.  and I said, abeg, leave joor.. because he was like that.. ok, what do you have? Whatever you have, I’ll give you the remaining. I’ll add it up to you, for you to get it. So but aside that, I am.. I said I wanted an,  is it earpiece  abi.  what was that thing I said I wanted? abi. Ok he said, he has it. So he was now like i have to buy. I was like, me? Like I have to buy earpod from your shop? Hello? although he said it jokingly, but I know that if I want to get that earpod now, he’s not going to give it to me for free. So you see it? So you see that if I don’t start now like to stop this, because I have noticed that maybe he has seen that I am a bit comfortable, so he might withdraw

[Assistant] not a bit comfortable, you are comfortable.


[User] ok he might decide to start withdrawing. Another reason is that I feel he is not really, like yet sure of me. Concerning money wise. Because of how many expenses he has made for that other girl. Which is wrong which is not supposed do. And you know why? Because we all had bad experiences and then when new people come into our lives and you see that they are good people, don’t use the fact that your bad experience, this is what he did to you, then you should use the same method on this current situation now

[Assistant] yeah, sure


[User] because when you want to use that current situation, that past situation for this current one, it might destroy a whole lot of things because you might be doing it for actually the right person and it might drive the right person away.

[Assistant] away.


[User] you understand. Because the way he is just.. he will just be ringing it into my ear. Hey! I don’t have money o. I don’t have money o. I don’t have money o. blablablablabla. i’ll just keep quite.  You understand. So that is why I am just like...

[Assistant] it seems like our mind just got..


[User] seriously.. seriously… I thought of it, I said this morning before I left the house, I thought of it, my mind just kept on telling me that, babe no like, be like you don’t really have this and you don’t really.. let’s see if he can, not that maybe when you say now.. when he says he doesn’t have money.. he doesn’t have money. Now my plans is that eeh.. see what’s going on.. if there are so many important things or few important things that I’ve really said Anonymous please can you help me out?.. and then for three or four consecutive times, he repeats the same thing, I don’t have, I don’t have, I don’t have, right? I’m going to quit. I don’t know if you get my point, because it’s of no use. Instead he is going to be gaining more from me.

[Assistant] and whenever he starts gaining more from you, he will now, it won’t give him the urge now to be, you know, to be buckling up with works,


[User] yeah..

[Assistant] you know, because now, he will now relax that money, even though that he works or he does not work, that money will definitely come.


[User] you understand. So, so it’s that bad. The way he..he is like,  so many responsibilities now blablabla and this and that, I just, I just wanna be quite alone. Although he has even asked me, I should just make a wish that whatever, that whatever I want..I should let him know. I didnt like want to make that wish yet.

[Assistant] ok. do you know.. I want you to give him a test. That… earpiece that you say you want to buy, how much is it? that is.. how much is it?


[User] earpod

[Assistant] earpod


[User] earpod na agala onu

[Assistant] ego ole? How much?


[User] four thousand

[Assistant] four thousand.. get like, get like call him.. ask him where he is.. get like two thousand or one five. Give him, tell him that you need the earpod.


[User] I will, but I am starting with the phone, first.. let me see if he can.. since he is saying, he doesn’t have money, he doesn’t have money. Let me see if he can be able to bring out that money to add up to the phone because it’s huge. That one is huge. You know it is what pains you more. What really pains you more is where you really gain from

[Assistant] sure


[User] I don’t know if you understand. So, let me see how it’s going to be for him. Let me see if he is really going to get it, bring out the money for the phone. If he brings out money for the phone, fine!

[Assistant] ok.. how much did he tell you?


[User] all I have is just 40k. I don‘t know how much he has o. I didn’t even care. I didn’t go to ask him how much do you have to give to me.

[Assistant] ok.. so how long have you discussed about the phone, for now?


[User] during last week, this week and the reason is because, we are not static about the price. Although we are supposed to order I think day before yesterday online, he orders phone online, you understand, but then, the colour and then the gigabyte we saw is not much. It’s just 3gig and it’s 91k and there is one of my friend that got Iphone 7plus in my lodge for one hundred and fifty thousand.

[Assistant] and that is why you wan to buy it…


[User] new one

[Assistant] so... buy what? What’s that?


[User] the  phone that’s why you want to buy it..

[Assistant] no. I’m not buying 7plus o what I’m getting g is 6X plus


[User] what happened to this one?

[Assistant] it’s bad and apart from it’s bad, I want to give it to my mum. My mum’s phone is very very bad. Like very bad. So if I get that one, I am going to give her this one. Or better still, I might just send her money to get a better phone. Ama’m..You know I phone has…, o nwere ka iphone si eme. A lot of things, you download, download ,download, I don’t really want…


[User] ok.. you are using iphone 6 or 7, right?

[Assistant] no. I’m using Iphone 7plus.


[User] Iphone 7plus, right? ok

[Assistant] so I’d check for it. So what we are just waiting for is if that.. if the guy I asked in my logdge, once he gets back to me from the person he got his own from, because he actually got it at a very cheap price. You can’t get a new Iphone 7 now for one fifty. It’s not possible. So I think the prices differ with those who are dealing with…How much they pay for tax and for shipping,  you understand? That’s why the phone prices differ a lot. So I just asked him, so he will get back to me this Tuesday. So whatever the guy says, I will now tell him. So you can know exactly how much we are getting for the phone, did you get? since I am having 40k. let’s see how much he is getting. I don’t know if you understand? That’s the idea


[User] ok naw.. that’s very good. That’s very good. I like, I like the idea

[Assistant] so apart from that…


[User] I like the idea..

[Assistant] I am also looking at his temperament issue. I will want to see how bad,how far we can go. And if it is something I can’t really deal with,  me I'm number one sef:   Me sef hmm…, I can get angry too but not that kind of violent. My own is that.. the thing is that if I am angry with you.. if I am angry with you.


[User] I don’t want to laugh…

[Assistant] if I am angry with you, the least I can do is.. I just want to keep quite. I just don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anybody or if I am angry, I could just say things to you that might mtchew.. that might hurt you o and then later you might be telling me.. I don’t know how to talk o, but that is because of my anger, normal, normal on a normal day, everybody knows Esther is a very cool and very nice person, you understand? So apart from that, but I know that Anonymous’s anger..eeh.. Anonymous’s anger is bad, it’s bad. why are you laughing? Is it that you have not experienced a whole lot of stuffs that he has done?


[User] ah.. he is my very good friend, aah.. very good friend..

[Assistant] He beats ladies, abi?


[User] no o . The only sin I have seen him slapped a girl when that girl insulted the mum in her presence. I know he slapped her.

[Assistant] I think he also beat her with belt


[User] That’s… I saw slap o. na only slap wey I see, I no know the other ones o. I just… im just slap am I begin comot.. I no.. because he’s…

[Assistant] oh, you left totally?


[User] I left them naw..wetin you want make I do again? Na family issue

[Assistant] he said he beat her like…


[User] na family issue, so I no need even begin tell dem see seesee..na family matters. That was why I left.

[Assistant] I thought he slapped.. he slapped her and he had to start beating her with belt that she was the one that had to run away from the house.


[User] that girl is very very very insultive…

[Assistant] how did he manage to stay with her for that long? You see that men eehh…


[User] he cannot toast a girl.. forget about he.. his type, he don’t even have time to start like mcheew..if.. if you should know him very well, he don’t have time..

[Assistant] I know..


[User] ..like to stop a girl and… he doesn’t even know what he will tell the girl sef. Ighota go. That was why when you are telling me.. that your guy no dey call person, I was like mtcheew.. you should know this guy wey I dey tell you. Imagine, he called me and was like, guy? How far naw? wetin I go tell the girl? Wetin, wetin I go tell…

[Assistant] No tell am o.. like no.


[User] how I go tell am

[Assistant] no tell am


[User] whatever me and you discuss here is not getting to his ears()he was like, guy how far naw, wetin I go tell..you say that girl na your class babe, right? Nna eh, wetin you go tell am about me, make I know..?   wetin you tell am about me make I know wetin I go tell am.. mu siya, guy talk to am naw.. follow am talk.. ok should I call her? call her out make we just dey joint Or what? Osi… but I go like make you dey that day o.. that day wey me and am go sawa.. I go like make you dey that day…so, I was like, guy, how far naw? follow the girl talk naw,what’s your problem? O si’ m mtchew..hi..guy...  this girl fine o..but you sure say she go gree? Laughs..I tell am say.. person wey you never follow talk na why you dey, you dey ask me whether.  So, if it is for him, mtcheew, he doesn’t have time for girls, you get it? He cannot even stop a girl and toast a girl. He will.. he is just seeing it as maybe he’s he’s insulting himself or whatever

[Assistant] and Anonymous... Anonymous can carry himself.. o nwere how Anonymous  na like I para onwe ya..


[User] he is pompous..

[Assistant] eeh…I no know, I no know how to take call am.. but not that kind.. im pride no dey bad o..


[User] yeah..

[Assistant] it’s not bad. He no get that kind dirty pride..


[User] yeah, he’s neat

[Assistant] I think he has a whole lot of self respect


[User] yeah

[Assistant] he has a whole lot of self respect


[User] like he’s comfortable with the one he has, you get it? So that’s just it. it’s just with this little time I spent with him, I know, the thing is…

[Assistant] Nna guy, you understand anything for wetin that man dey yan for class today?


[User] The man just dey… Na only one hour na im my mind...

[Assistant] Nnaa eeh… that course sef, I no know how this semester go be o


[User] Na only one, na only one hour my mind dey for that class, guy. After one hour, any thing wey him dey talk, if e enter, im go comot, if e enter, im go comot.

[Assistant] I just dey reason how we fit pass that course o… (laughter)…


[User] No… Everly, to pass am no be must o.

[Assistant] The man come talk say the least wey you go get that course na B. guy, I no come understand!


[User] wait, like I don’t understand, the man said the least I will get his course is B

[Assistant] B! say that course, the course dey easy. Ah.


[User] I dey reason am o guy.  That course no dey easy to understand o.

[Assistant] I no understand shishi, shingbai


[User] You no understand anything?.

[Assistant] I dey tell you, guy


[User] Ok, me that didn’t even attend the class sef, what will I have to say? I didn’t even write attendance..

[Assistant] You be fake student naw.You go fail am … odogwu…


[User] you know the course code?

[Assistant] I no even know the man wey una dey talk….


[User] You know the name of the course?

[Assistant] Make we just start like say, the man, the… the man wey even get the course, the name of the man wey get the course.


[User] Your own na federal case, guy

[Assistant] I dey tell you.


[User] No, the only thing I know is that failure is not my problem.

[Assistant] failure is not your problem…


[User] Because so many people have failed and they have actually succeded.

[Assistant] That’s rational choice  naw.


[User] That’s exactly what the man entails

[Assistant] Talking about rational choice, area of rationalism… Chai…


[User] You lost your...?

[Assistant] my love for pepper


[User] you lost your love for pepper

[Assistant] yeah.. even when I cook stew…


[User] why did you lost your love for pepper?

[Assistant] that time.. my room mate does not eat pepper.. so, he was acting as if he had ulcer.. so


[User] ah.. if you don’t.. if you don’t put pepper in your food, won’t you vomit?

[Assistant] won’t?


[User] won’t you vomit?

[Assistant] that’s when it does happens to me. But not my room mate that has.. you understand


[User] it won’t digest.. it won’t even go well.. like it won’t even be going free

[Assistant] that’s why.. I now feel like I actually.. consider that my room mate… for now I have gone back to eating pepper..            I must eat pepper very very well.


[User] ah! If I should test food that there is no pepper..hmm.. I won’t eat it o… because definitely I know that I must vomit it and that one is a must, I must vomit the food. I must vomit the food..

[Assistant] I'm going home


[User] Rest small naw.. this one that you just finish eating..,but I hope you enjoyed the meal?

[Assistant] Atleast it has killed my hunger


[User] it reduced your hunger not that you are…

[Assistant] it has erased my hunger


[User] ok…

[Assistant] But the taste.. only the moimoi is manageable. I’ve not eaten moimoi in a long while so I can’t judge. But for the rice, even since money, I can’t eat that rice.. that’s it. You know that this people ... me  naw. I don’t know if they are stingy with the resources to spend and cook that food or they don’t have people that can cook


[User] but actually you know that as it is tasteless in your mouth; Others won’t complain  naw. Maybe it might be more sweeter in their mouth or more… very good in their mouth, you know…

[Assistant] the issue is that when you are used to.. when you are used to average stew


[User] it’s because…

[Assistant] And you know… my mum can cook. My mummy cannot eat this food. One spoon she will just throw it away and order another …


[User] _ and that’s why you complained about the food because you can cook. If actually you cannot cook, you couldn’t have complained about the food… you get it?

[Assistant] not that I can cook o..


[User] no o… I observed so many things pertaining to what you have said. It’s because you can cook. You can cook             delicious meal and that’s why you noticed the fault that the food is faulty. That’s where you picked out what made the food faulty.             You get it?

[Assistant] my mum is the best cook that cooks the best food


[User] your mum is the best cooker. so how will you know that? How do you know that?

[Assistant] The day.. actually her food is tasty.. any time I eat outside.. that’s why I don’t like to eat outside because it 	doesn’t equal. So the day I noticed it .. the day I will actually..ok.. before I’d go to school.. before I came to school


[User] she cooked for your pastor’s son during his wedding

[Assistant] He didn’t contract her.. she doesn’t cook. She doesn’t do that kind of thing.. the woman cooking is her friend. She come and help her out. The one she cooked herself was the one everyone was rushing. ,,, people love that food.. because of that, her food was in the more supply.. people like it. Even the bride’s maid..


[User] ok.. she cooked the whole food?

[Assistant] not like she cooked the whole food..


[User] ok.. the official food for

[Assistant] the official food like.. the person they contracted can cook. But she called my mum that my mum should come and assist her. The one my mum cooked is the one those people are rushing


[User] ok..

[Assistant] she even gave me from that one.. before I was eating from the general food. But when she gave me that on.. where was I all this while? This food is very delicious… ah..so mummy can cook like this? And because we are at home, we are not appreciating it


[User] so what’s your best favorite food that you can prepare, your favorite…

[Assistant] I don't know what I can prepare..ah..


[User] ok which one ..

[Assistant] I don’t think I can cook that much. I don’t cook that much.. but the one I enjoy preparing is stew.


[User] stew…

[Assistant] I enjoy preparing stew a lot


[User] stew?

[Assistant] Before, it used to be beans.. like if I am making my beans, I take my time …but now it’s stew.. I just enjoy cooking stew.. when I mean stew..


[User] that’s very nice.. at least.. I know.. looking at you with the things that you have said, I know  that you can cook for Africa..

[Assistant] I just pray that I can cook.. my younger sister cooks a lot better


[User] but you can cook.. just accept the fact that you can cook

[Assistant] you say make we dey talk about money naw I no just.. nnaa eeh… you too dey talk...


[User] Money na wetin i need now o

[Assistant] you too dey talk about money issue o, wetin dey happen?


[User] wetin I need now na laptop o. you no see, guy ah.. e get one benz wey I see this morning.. chineke.. if you see the sound.. wooou.. 	eh… come dey wonder, which kind.. which kind generator come get this sound.. eh.. as I come look, come see something wey be like bat, the thing black.. see the wheels.. chineke…guy.. omo as I come see am.. I come tire.. that time I dey come school naww, as I come see the car, I come weak, I come decide say.. ai.. e be like say I no go go school again oo. Make I go start, make I go start yahoo. Cos I know 	say na small boy wey I go senior with how many years wey go dey inside that motor so, na im me I carry leg dey suffer, dey come school. 	Ai.. I laugh.. guy, how e go be naww, how e go be.. you sabi any connection? Make we start this thing.

[Assistant] Nna eh.. I no too sabi connection o.. the only thing wey dey there be say make we just dey pray, person wey ride benz, if you no ride 	benz today naww, tomorrow you go still ride benz naww. you reason am naww.


[User] the thing be say no time… time no dey again. Reason am naww. how many years you don stay this nonsense school? Person still dey suffer

[Assistant] But listen  naw.. do you know that you can be  more.. do you know that it seems like you can be more better than that person. Do you know?


[User] I know naww. but the thing be say time no dey. Dem don excel ah ah.. you still dey here dey suffer, you no know wetin go happen. One thing to one thing, Nna sickness go catch you. Where you wan see money treat.. as in suffer all these thing come pay for hospital bill 	again.. where you go see money run this kind thing. So check am naww… if if sickness hold you. Like this one I no dey chop well. You check am, to feed na wahala and you know say small thing ulcer go catch person. Ulcer dey kill o.. so reason am naaw. No time again o. if 	you get connection, abeg just jam me make I know as he dey be

[Assistant] the connection that you are even.. the connection that you are even talking about is still the money itself. Because when you have money, you have connection, do you get it? So what you will be talking about is how to make the money not even the connection because the connection is not the problem. Once you have the connection. Once you get the money, you have the money, you know you have the money. You make good use of the money,  you get it? It’s just as if.. make I just put am like say guy you get like 50m for account now, you know say no be this things you go dey talk again


[User] ah no be.. ah ah.. if you get 50m…

[Assistant] if you get 50m now,  if you wan see Anonnymous, any person.. even Anonnymous.. if you wan see Anonnymous now now now, you know say you 	go get the contact now now now to see Anonnymous..


[User] yeah yeah.. sure sure sure

[Assistant] so na the thing be that o.


[User] if that kind money dey my account, I go seat down here with you?

[Assistant] you dey mad… you dey mad…


[User] I for dey one hotel dey arrange myself with one hot babe

[Assistant] ok.. you sure say no be this thing na because say God never wan give you money…


[User] no na… ah.. you ma sef reason am. Without woman man no go survive o

[Assistant] nna eh..


[User] if woman no dey this world, wetin you go dey here dey do kwanu?

[Assistant] but sometimes I’m just imagining it.. the type of girls that we are seeing today, I’m just imagining when God say that he that findeth 	a wife, findeth a good thing. and you in the world know that women are not a good thing


[User] I tell you.. I tell you ..you know what’s up nwanne

[Assistant] E get the woman wey you go jam  your life will never remain the same


[User] I dey tell you.

[Assistant] no be say…


[User] sha.. everything na prayer

[Assistant] everything na prayer, my brother


[User] everything no be yahoo o.. maybe you go see girl, you go see girl.. she go dey nice.. as in she go make sens. If you reason him 	matter.. him go say him papa get money.. ah.. before.. like play like play.. you just give am belle.. intentionally give am belle. You go marry am by force because dem get money. Like that like that, you don blow o..

[Assistant] if I see, if I even see girl wey I sure say her parents get money.. wetin you want.. wetin you think say I dey wait for?


[User] ah.. the thing be say they scarce..

[Assistant] They scarce naww…


[User] Some their papa go get money but they go dey hide am. They go dey hide am as in

[Assistant] They dey hide am say wetin happen?


[User] ah.. make boys no too come naww. You know those kind people, to get boyfriend no dey hard them. As they just do their finger like this… kpam… all the guys wey dey go gather. They go just dey use eye dey take eye look select one wey dem want. No be like guys naww, your papa get money now, you go still dey pursue girl, you go still dey pursue girl.. you pursue this one, you pursue this one… dem go still dey chop you on top. But girls get sense. Guy.. he get the kind mind wey girls get, like the kind mind wey be say dem papa go get 	money, they go still dey manage their life. if dem get.. dem go must wan dey with one boyfriend.. like this dem go dey spend money on top 	the guy. Na why I say if I just meet this kind girl, I don blow o. I don blow be that I no get problem again..

[Assistant] Nna eh… the worst part there is now just to pray to God , you know.. I strongly believe that God is the ultimate and not, no other... some even tell you  sef there is no God but no matter what we still believe that there is still God


[User] They are just praying to enter the house, when they now enter the house, they will now deal with you.

[Assistant] when they will be praying in tongue, God any man at all. Any man of your choice.


[User] it was then.. it’s no longer now. A lady can stay comfortable on her...

[Assistant] it’s still now dear… let me tell you dear, it’s still now. Do you know that there are girls that are praying just…


[User] even some parents.. see let me tell you, I have a friend of mine, she is almost 40. Her parents are very rich. They don’t even care 	whether she is working or she wants to marry. She is taking care of her father’s company. She doesn’t need a man. She said that she 	doesn’t need a man, that if she wants a child, she will go and adopt it two or three. ...annoying thing with any guy, nobody should 	come and stress her.

[Assistant] ok ok let me burst your brain now. Do you know that there is no girl on this earth, no matter how rich you are, without a man you are not comfortable.


[User] you are not what?

[Assistant] you are not comfortable without a man. No matter how rich you are and no matter how wealthy or the asset you have…


[User] you will have that feeling as a human being. let me tell you, it’s just a feeling thing. You are going to have that feeling, it’s a normal thing. It happens- even now.. even as a single girl, at times you would be saying I wish I have a boyfriend. You don’t understand? 	I am just telling you that it’s just with time. If you just have that feeling, it goes.. it is not a temporal kind of situation

[Assistant] yeah


[User] the thing  just comes and goes. is not that they don’t feel like they need a man, they don’t. they still feel it. Maybe, they now be like chai.. I wish I have a man that will just be here.. but…

[Assistant] ok.. get this now… ok wait.. now let me ask you now, as you are now, you have a comfortable car, you have a comfortable house, you are ok. you eat anything you want…


[User] if I know that a man will give me headache in the morning… guy, I no dey do. Do you know what I will do? Unto he is a cheat, I will just go to one particular club, I’d look for one fine bobo, get his attention, he will now take me to any one room, I’d tell him don’t use anything.. after that day,  nna I’m gone. He will not see my face.. before you know it, I’d be pregnant and have my kid in my house. 	I’d train the person, the person will tell me mother, aunty..ai..

[Assistant] And definitely the kid will actually ask you, mum, where is my dad? You get it?


[User] I picked you somewhere. I picked you from somewhere, your mother dumped you..shooor… this world have… mehn…

[Assistant] it’s not.. I don’t agree with you


[User] Where are you taking me to?.. E say let’s be going first naw. so immediately I noticed that we are going to  like eeh.. cos I was really a bit scared and I was trying to be careful. So we now went to the bar. That’s where we stayed o throughout. I said thank God cos had It been .. had it been…

[Assistant] no naw


[User] ah guy

[Assistant] no naw


[User] guy I was saying has it been…

[Assistant] I am not that rough, no. I don’t have rough friends  naww, no


[User] had it been you did that, omo, I for just

[Assistant] no naww


[User] and from that day sef…

[Assistant] he cannot even, he cannot even try it..  no naww…


[User] so I noticed..

[Assistant] I cannot introduce you to such people  naww.


[User] so I got comfortable

[Assistant] no naww..., orube m like that


[User] so I got comfortable with him. We started gisting, and I think I noticed that he is kind of a bit shy.  You understand.

[Assistant] ok you..


[User] so I made it easier for him

[Assistant] So you even noticed…


[User] yeah, I made it easier for him. That’s why one of his friends from school here <TS> <P> sef that’s in final year came to join us that day

[Assistant] he called me that day to come, but I called you, you didn’t pick up. I called you like two times


[User] I think my phone was on silence

[Assistant] you didn’t pick up. So I felt like.. maybe you never wanted me to come around. I knew that you must have seen my missed call. 	 That if actually you wanted me to come around that day, that you would have called me. He now called me to come. I told him that I am not coming


[User] you for come o

[Assistant] no .. he


[User] he told me that you were going to come. It was even you we were wating for…

[Assistant] no he called me and I told him I was not coming.. I didn’t even give him any reason. It was when we saw. We met somewhere that I 	told him that.. the reason why I didn’t come; I called 	you you didn’t pick up. And I knew that you might have seen my call that if actually you 		called me, you get it.. so that is my own lifestyle o. I have mtcheew.. the way I live my life my own.. that’s just it. So that’s when I chatted you 	up and told you to always use your number six that’s all about it. Nothing less, nothing more. <ITS> <E-P> Nna eeh.. how far? I tell you make you find better 	babe for me I no understand,  you get first year or second year?…


[User] which one… ? me get friends for first year or second year?

[Assistant] you no get any sharp babe wey…


[User] I no dey talk to any of them o. eeh.. as I be like this, I just dey on my own o. I dey on a low. Na im Anonnymous dey look me 	dey tell me say, these days you just dey on a low. I say no be to dey on a low na im better. You want make I dey …

[Assistant] wetin happen between you and this girl..wetin be her name.. Anonnymous. I no dey too see you with am..wetin


[User] Anonnymous?

[Assistant] yeah..Anonnymous?


[User] since first year.. we are  not friends again..

[Assistant] wetin happen? Wetin play? I noticed that…


[User] she no be my kind of person

[Assistant] wetin play?<


[User] how many friends you don see Anonymous change through out our first year till now…

[Assistant] so many of them..wetin play..


[User] eeh… so many  naww.. she no be my kind of person

[Assistant] wetin happen..


[User] I been get problem, that time with my bank issue for police, person wey be my friend, she no even come visit me. She no even 	say whats’sup..nothing.. she just.. so, I mark am bad. 	Omo, guy anybody wey no dey with you when you no..

[Assistant] no be that thing..wetin..wetin..


[User] I’m serious.. which thing.. which other thing you hear? Which other thing you hear?

[Assistant] ok naw.. the thing just..


[User] hia..omo what I concluded in my heart was.. anybody who is not with you during very difficult time is not a friend. Cut off that person. That was what I did. Simple. I had a very 	serious police issue in my first year o with my bank account. My first guy,  the guy put me 	for trouble o.

[Assistant] wetin happen? im put money for your…


[User] Im put .. im sell my account give the yahoo people naw, he sell my account, sell my atm give yahoo people. That time, 	owu na sam. O God. This life, I don suffer for this life. Owu dey saala’m that time. Sell account just to get money. Na wetin bring up that issue. And my popsy dey very stubborn. Im say if no be Diamond bank account say im no go send me money that time. Popsy come push me five bay that time I dey dey waste almost two weeks say I won withdraw 5k. na diamondbank. Omo that day dem just carry…

[Assistant] But is she all that rude?


[User] you don go close to am? Go close to am make you know naw.

[Assistant] no.. tell me naw


[User] yes naw.. she is not my kind of person

[Assistant] so she can give somebody attitude, like …


[User] no be my kind of person

[Assistant] eh?


[User] she is not my kind of person

[Assistant] just tell me more about her..just..


[User] wetin you won know about her? You won toast her?

[Assistant] no naw.. ah. Toast her say wetin happen


[User] why you won know about her? You no dey come class? If you see person wey be ayaraya too much, you no dey know?

[Assistant] so she might be rude with his boyfriend like that or what?