[User] she is rude with which boyfriend? I don’t know o.. you can’t compare..

[Assistant] she doesn’t have a boyfriend..


[User] you can’t compare.. how am I supposed to know? Do you know since when we are no longer friends? I don’t know anything about her personal life o, I don’t know anything about her personal life. Since first year. How I want take know whether she get boy friend abi she no get boyfriend o.. I no know o. I don’t have  an idea ama ram.. and achoro m ima. Everybody 	just dey mind their business now and na im be the best and you might not have an actual info. If she get new boyfriend onye obula eburu uwa ya foo…I don’t know she is just.. forget about her.

[Assistant] E just get.. e get too many things wey I been don hear about her which..


[User] so many things wey you don hear about her

[Assistant] so many things wey you don hear about am. Some… e been get...Marvy gist?


[User] Anonymous.. who be Anonymous..

[Assistant] marvelous naw


[User] me and Anonymous dey talk? All those guys, na normal greetings we dey do. No be if I give you face wey.. if I give you better face na when you go talk with me. Ighota..  so that is me.  Person wey I fit even follow talk na only Anonymous and this guy, because me and dem don too rapour and from first year till now, na me and them. Both two of dem, Anonymous and wetin be im name.. Anonymous. Unless say maybe I jam them or sometimes dem go call me dem go dey dey call me. Make we dey come together. All of us go just dey talk. Apart from there… Marvins dey crush on am?

[Assistant] yeah..


[User] I for say. you know say na all those guys dey know gist gist about people for class. I no dey know.. me I no get time, I no won even know. I no won know at all..

[Assistant] nobody get time o. time no dey at all. Time no dey at all.  So that is it, baby. Na wetin I tell you for phone, always use your number six. You get it, but I’m not telling you thing 	just for you to be… if actually he has actually done it for the girl he feels or he felt ..ya. He felt that he loved.. then he should also do it to you because he has told you that he loves you, you get it. Your case wouldn’t be different


[User] shouldn’t be different, I don’t know o..

[Assistant] ighota..  it’s still the same love, it’s still the same four letter words.  You get it. So love is love. Since ome go yandinko 	o si no o love. He should also do it 	for you. Because he loves the girl. He love.. he once love the girl now he loves you very well more than her.  You get it? So that’s guys for you. That’s guys for you. Everybody have actually experienced.. many experience.. many… if I start my own eeh,.. you will even run away  At a time I was like mtcheew.. guy how far naww.. no date any girl again


[User] I swear..cos.. I believe in first things first.. first things first..

[Assistant] it came to a point.. I .. like I .. I .. my head was scattered. I stopped dating any girl. When I need you, I call you.. when I need you.. 	when I want to 	satisfy my emotional 	feelings, I start calling you and once I’m done with you.. that’s I’m done.. when once I’m done with you, I’m done with you. Once I’m done with you, I’m done with 	you. I started having them all around feeling that that will solve my problem but at a time I said..mtcheew..I realized that it’s not even helping matters. It’s not even helping issues at 	all. They will see you with this girl next time.. people will say stupid things. A time came that I cannot, let me tell you the truth, I cannot stay without a girl for like one week, like one 	week. I cannot stay without a girl for one week. It became a problem for me o. like habit. Habit mu kusiri kwe onwe’m o. it became problem for me Personally that I can’t stay a week without staying with a girl. For me, It became a problem. I started telling it to my guys.. they felt that maybe I was joking. I started telling them, see .. guy see wetin my problem be. I cannot stay one week without a girl. They were laughing at me. But I thank God.. I .. from there, I .. but actually it wasn’t easy for me. Have you imagined dating a girl for like four years, you dated a girl for four years.On..ok.. December last year. Yeah.. December last year. She called me to come around. Ok. she called me to come to her house because normally I don’t like visiting girls, going to girl’s house


[User] why be say most guys no dey like visit girls for their house? How una dey do am

[Assistant] nnaeeh.. anything fit play o. anything fit play


[User] like wetin

[Assistant] I no know o. but anything fit play. Anything fit play. Like anything fit play.


[User] even Anonnymous said, even when he rented that house for that girl, that he has never visited her.

[Assistant] no o..


[User] why im no dey go the poor girl's house. Why im go my own. Im come my house naww

[Assistant] but he was not comfortable ..


[User] aye… before… ima na Anonnymous adighi eri nri, Jesus!. What made.. what even made him agree was that it was like a trade by batter, if you don’t come to the house to eat, I’m not following you home. That was it o. that was it.and Chibuzor doesn’t want me like at that period, let me just get closer closer to him..maka..because he doesn’t want to I know like think too 	much about that his ex girl friend like he said. I don’t know. And because he really want us to get to know each other a little at least than when we are apart. That’s why he even came. If not. May be to even say it again for him to come, it would be war

[Assistant] ... no o .. I don’t like going to girl’s house. For me personally, I don’t know for other guys


[User] sincerely, he has problem.

[Assistant] mtcheew.. I find it very difficult to do it. And even though if a girl calls me to come and meet her where she is, I don’t like it.. I don’t like it. It’s very hard for me to come and meet you where you are. Like..not.. like… not of the one you called me yesterday oo.. that one is different.. you are in this bar and I should come around. I don’t actually like it for security reasons. And I don’t like going to a girl’s house for security reasons also. Anything can happen. But when you come to my house, na me get house, I know as im dey be , if im play, I know how far, you get it?


[User] it’s true..

[Assistant] if anybody joins, I know how far. So that’s just it, that’s just it.. that’s just it, baby..


[User] na waa o.

[Assistant] I know, I have tried to like, a little bit like, I have annoyed him. Although, I have already told him initially before that I can be very annoying..


[User] Adjust

[Assistant] But don’t adjust, because I feel that whenever conflict happens between two people, that’s when you get to know their real character.


[User] Sure. That was what I told you initially.

[Assistant] That is when you get to know the real you. Seriously, because I know Anonymous with what I have noticed, his anger, his temperament is high.


[User] Yeah.. ehen..

[Assistant] It’s very very high.


[User] Now, babe, babe, there is this thing I want to tell you. Emmm… I know. Hmm… I know you are balanced. You are very very balanced, financially and otherwise. Now, I don’t want you, I don’t want you  to be showing him that you are ok, like you are ok

[Assistant] do you know that thing came to my mind this morning


[User] I don’t know oo.. but…

[Assistant] I swear, this idea. It came to me. I don’t know why it came to me o.


[User] That’s how it just rang into my mind now. And when I like.. when.. when.. when I like you, I tell you things,   you get it. Don’t show him that financially, that you are ok. Don’t show him that you can do this, you can do that. No. But be on a neutral

[Assistant] Neutral level


[User] Level. You get it?

[Assistant] Yes


[User] When you see that there is no other options again; that is when you can come in. <TS> <P> you get it? ()

[Assistant] yeah.


[User] Because, if.. if.. a guy know, when you meet a guy, and he sees that there are some stuff…and you he sees that.. and you start giving him the impression that you can

[Assistant] that you can do things


[User] you can do things,

[Assistant] he’d forget the things that he is supposed to be doing


[User] yeah, be doing. Yeah,  you get it?

[Assistant] it’s true


[User] you can even stay with him, once you have given him that impression, you will see that, once you start staying with him, some sometimes, he will tell you, ah.. he doesn’t have soap again to bath. Like, he doesn’t have cream

[Assistant] I know


[User] He might even call you, just.. Hallo, please, I need money, can you send me, can you make transfer… no no no no … you get it?  Because I have actually stayed with, I have actually dated so many girls and I know their character and their weak points and never you for now, for now, never you allow him to know where your weak points are. Never tell him your weak point

[Assistant] True


[User] Let him do the puzzle. If actually he truly loves you and knows where his.. because he has told me so many things,  you get it.. I know.. I won’t praise you o.. but let him, himself find out where your weak points are ()

[Assistant] What did he tell you


[User] That he don’t know how he will thank me for you... so let me not go into matters, issues, but please, I’m just begging you, don’t let him, don’t feel too big or that you have this or you have that. You can afford that, you can afford this, whenever you are with him. Even though you have, yeah, keep it up to you. When there is need for you to do it, you can still do it.  But don’t do it when he didn’t ask of it. Not that you shouldn’t be surprising him, but it should be at an extent, you know?

[Assistant] yeah


[User] Not always, because when he.., he now forms it as habit

[Assistant] Yeah..


[User] He will be looking up to you to be doing those things and whenever you don’t do it, you will know, he will now know that there is lapses again. There will start be lapses. Even though you can do it, yes, but put it up to him that it’s duty to do it, then when he now gives you the reason why he shouldn’t do it. Even if, even when he tells you that he cannot do it, he should give you reasons why he shouldn’t, he couldn’t do it. You get it?

[Assistant] yeah.. yeah..


[User] Because there is something I used to tell people, if I should call you on phone, babe how are you?where are you? You tell me, can you come to my house? My problem is not telling me no that you cannot come, my problem is giving me reasons why you shouldn’t want to come. Not you just telling me that you, you don’t want to, that you are not coming, hanging up the call. No… give me the reasons why you shouldn’t come. If I am ok with the reasons that you gave to me, I’d tell you that I am on, that I’m comfortable with the reasons,  you get it. So don’t… whenever you are with him, don’t actually show up that you can do this, you can, you know.. especially in monetary aspect.. so that he won’t take advantage of you. I won’t like in a situation where he will now take advantage of you. Maybe you and him will go out after eating, you’d pay for everything. It’s not , it’s not…()

[Assistant] I can’t even try that rubbish


[User] you get it? No… its .. Don’t tell me you can’t try that rubbish..

[Assistant] Please.. I gave that..


[User] You can do it.. not you cannot try it

[Assistant] You won’t even know when you will do it. You will think it’s love. Just for the sake of the love to be moving and that you don’t need trouble…


[User] I know, I have tried to like, a little bit like, I have annoyed him. Although, I have already told him initially before that I can be very annoying..

[Assistant] Adjust


[User] But don’t adjust, because I feel that whenever conflict happens between two people, that’s when you get to know their real character.

[Assistant] Sure. That was what I told you initially.


[User] That is when you get to know the real you. Seriously, because I know Anonymous with what I have noticed, his anger, his temperament is high.

[Assistant] Yeah.. ehen..


[User] It’s very very high.

[Assistant] Now, babe, babe, there is this thing I want to tell you. Emmm… I know. Hmm… I know you are balanced. You are very very balanced, financially and otherwise. Now, I don’t want you, I don’t want you  to be showing him that you are ok, like you are ok


[User] do you know that thing came to my mind this morning

[Assistant] I don’t know oo.. but…


[User] I swear, this idea. It came to me. I don’t know why it came to me o.

[Assistant] That’s how it just rang into my mind now. And when I like.. when.. when.. when I like you, I tell you things,   you get it. Don’t show him that financially, that you are ok. Don’t show him that you can do this, you can do that. No. But be on a neutral


[User] Neutral level

[Assistant] Level. You get it?


[User] Yes

[Assistant] When you see that there is no other options again; that is when you can come in. <TS> <P> you get it? ()


[User] yeah.

[Assistant] Because, if.. if.. a guy know, when you meet a guy, and he sees that there are some stuff…and you he sees that.. and you start giving him the impression that you can


[User] that you can do things

[Assistant] you can do things,


[User] he’d forget the things that he is supposed to be doing

[Assistant] yeah, be doing. Yeah,  you get it?


[User] it’s true

[Assistant] you can even stay with him, once you have given him that impression, you will see that, once you start staying with him, some sometimes, he will tell you, ah.. he doesn’t have soap again to bath. Like, he doesn’t have cream


[User] I know

[Assistant] He might even call you, just.. Hallo, please, I need money, can you send me, can you make transfer… no no no no … you get it?  Because I have actually stayed with, I have actually dated so many girls and I know their character and their weak points and never you for now, for now, never you allow him to know where your weak points are. Never tell him your weak point


[User] True

[Assistant] Let him do the puzzle. If actually he truly loves you and knows where his.. because he has told me so many things,  you get it.. I know.. I won’t praise you o.. but let him, himself find out where your weak points are ()


[User] What did he tell you

[Assistant] That he don’t know how he will thank me for you... so let me not go into matters, issues, but please, I’m just begging you, don’t let him, don’t feel too big or that you have this or you have that. You can afford that, you can afford this, whenever you are with him. Even though you have, yeah, keep it up to you. When there is need for you to do it, you can still do it.  But don’t do it when he didn’t ask of it. Not that you shouldn’t be surprising him, but it should be at an extent, you know?


[User] yeah

[Assistant] Not always, because when he.., he now forms it as habit


[User] Yeah..

[Assistant] He will be looking up to you to be doing those things and whenever you don’t do it, you will know, he will now know that there is lapses again. There will start be lapses. Even though you can do it, yes, but put it up to him that it’s duty to do it, then when he now gives you the reason why he shouldn’t do it. Even if, even when he tells you that he cannot do it, he should give you reasons why he shouldn’t, he couldn’t do it. You get it?


[User] yeah.. yeah..

[Assistant] Because there is something I used to tell people, if I should call you on phone, babe how are you?where are you? You tell me, can you come to my house? My problem is not telling me no that you cannot come, my problem is giving me reasons why you shouldn’t want to come. Not you just telling me that you, you don’t want to, that you are not coming, hanging up the call. No… give me the reasons why you shouldn’t come. If I am ok with the reasons that you gave to me, I’d tell you that I am on, that I’m comfortable with the reasons,  you get it. So don’t… whenever you are with him, don’t actually show up that you can do this, you can, you know.. especially in monetary aspect.. so that he won’t take advantage of you. I won’t like in a situation where he will now take advantage of you. Maybe you and him will go out after eating, you’d pay for everything. It’s not , it’s not…()


[User] I can’t even try that rubbish

[Assistant] you get it? No… its .. Don’t tell me you can’t try that rubbish..


[User] Please.. I gave that..

[Assistant] You can do it.. not you cannot try it


[User] You won’t even know when you will do it. You will think it’s love. Just for the sake of the love to be moving and that you don’t need trouble…

[Assistant] Nna eeh… I no reason am that yesterday at all, I swear


[User] Eeeh. No wahala

[Assistant] I don plan make I come. I no even know wetin happen. Person call me say make I come say make I come meet am say he get wetin him want make me and am run.  that was when I left and eh I even forgot to even call you. You know, so many things… so many things.  So.. How far naw?


[User] So, oya start talking. Because the way you sounded like, use your number six, I got like kind of scared, like I don’t know If you…

[Assistant] Scared?


[User] Ehen naw..

[Assistant] Scared, how?


[User] Scared like I don’t know if..

[Assistant] ok


[User] if you can be really be genuine or I don’t know.

[Assistant] I was even scared about the chat, you know… like..


[User] you are thinking it was him?

[Assistant] no… like … actually, I thought something like that. You know sometimes, I am always very careful or mindful of what I am doing. Sometimes. Infact, not sometimes, always. Anything might occur at anytime. I was even like;  I was like how far? why you go dey tell me make I dey …  why you go dey ask me that kind thing at that  particular time, at that particular moment?. No be everything wey person go just begin dey just talk on phone, you know. Him fit grab your phone, come dey see our chat, you get it. And sometimes such things… but why you ask me that question?


[User] I … I…

[Assistant] The girl he was with  naw.


[User] ok..erm..Anonymous, that should be… is it Anonymous?

[Assistant] yeah. I think so.


[User] that one? Mtcheew.. that girl is very very rude. As in I.. I .. can’t even stay where she is  sef. I cannot even. What? Did he tell you anything about her?

[Assistant] No. He didn’t tell me anything. Just that I went to his house and I saw.. he like texted her that day I sent you a message. So he called her Anonymous, the girl answered, yes. So the way he said Anonymous,.. I was now like ah ah. This is the same girl you really complained very bad about.  She really fucked up big time, Because I don hear her her fuck up.. like her fuck ups plenty. You understand. Knowing fully well that, ok you are in love with this person, you shouldn’t be treating him that way.  You get it. And the guy don like try, Like he don spend enough on her. And still yet.  But I still don’t like, get the chemistry o.


[User] Because, even the girl in particular once insulted the mum in the presence.. I was there. You know, the girl in particular insulted him, insulted the mum very well, like.. mtceew…

[Assistant] He told me about it.


[User] Ok. he told you about it. Nothing else. It’s just that… but have you asked him about how far with the girl.

[Assistant] I have asked him. It’s just that he said, yes, he accepts that he has nothing to do with her. But.. just that yes. He really got used to her.  You understand


[User] Because I knew very well that he has left the girl for a very long ago and he .. for so many times I have gone out with him, he doesn’t like you talking about the girl. Ok. so  but I don’t know. This one that you are telling me that he called her on phone.

[Assistant] Not on phone. Like, he chatted her on facebook


[User] Ok. On facebook. Because I know that he doesn’t have the recent number of the girl. And definitely he changed sim because of the girl.

[Assistant] Eerh. He told me about that.


[User] Ok he told you all these things. Have you seen it? I don’t know. He changed sim because of her. When you told me that.. I felt that maybe he got with contact with the girl again. That is just it. So are you afraid or what? Tell me or what?

[Assistant] no. I’m not scared.


[User] you are just scared?

[Assistant] I said I am not scared , I just really want to be sure of whatever I am getting myself into and don’t know. The way is just about marriage and all.


[User] You say what?

[Assistant] hm.. I said what. What now, I said what?


[User] yeah naw; let me get it very well.

[Assistant] I don’t know. It is getting serious. So I don’t know. Like at least whatever I want to do, I just want God to be part of it. You understand. I just really want God to do the final say. I don’t want to just do things outside God’s plan. You understand. So I’m just.. if he is mine, fine, he should be mine. But if he is not, I don’t know what the future holds. Like, I can’t say. Nobody knows what tomorrow would be and all. Although we are still getting to know each other, I know. And I don’t know…


[User] you know, sometimes,.. hmm… the only thing I have to tell you about him is just that.. I’m not here to praise him, nobody is perfect, but at least, I want you, number one to get used to him very well., give him, test him several times. Give him test. Try him so many times. And you yourself know the type of person you want in your life. I don’t know for you, you get it. I knows the type of person I want. Him too  knows the type of person he wants. Ok. if actually you can give him… just try him maybe two or three times. Number one, just try making him, imagine, making him angry to see how angered he can be and to know his mood whenever he is angry. You get it? Because sometimes you might stay with him and he might be pretending… you know, not giving you his real behaviour.

[Assistant] No.. I have noticed he has anger issues. I noticed it, I have. I have been with him in his house. Like we have been going out once..


[User] I know. I saw you people together when you are buying foodstuff whatever. Tomatoes. Mtcheew… I just passed… I was very very…

[Assistant] you haven’t heard of toothpick in this department  or  why not?


[User] I don’t know. Maybe I’m just the type that… many people don’t know me. I don’t know much people. And much people don’t know me

[Assistant] You don’t know much people? Why?


[User] I don’t know why…

[Assistant] you don’t know why?


[User] but do you know me before?

[Assistant] your face is familiar. I’ve been seeing your face


[User] but you don’t just know me

[Assistant] yeah.. but I know your face. Like I don’t know your name. but I know that I have been seeing your face of late.


[User] ok.

[Assistant] so tell me, what’s your name again?


[User] Anonymous

[Assistant] Anonymous, Anonymous...


[User] or Anonymous, anyone

[Assistant] I love the name and you look like a Anonymous. You look like a Anonymous. So where are you from?


[User] Enugu State.

[Assistant] Enugu State? What part?


[User] Anonymous

[Assistant] Anonymous! what side of Anonymous?


[User] Anonymous

[Assistant] Anonymous, that’s very fine. I’m from Enugu State also


[User] What part?

[Assistant] do you really want to know?


[User] yeah

[Assistant] why?


[User] I want to know  naw

[Assistant] you just want to know?


[User] yeah..

[Assistant] ok.. I’m from Anonymous


[User] is it inside Anonymous?

[Assistant] do you know Anonymous?


[User] yeah I know it

[Assistant] we have a common boundary


[User] and I pass it when I’m coming to school

[Assistant] I know Anonymous very well. I visit Anonymous often. I know .,. You know.. .so many of them and the rest of them. That is very fine. You know, people that are from there are always very rich people.


[User] it depends..

[Assistant] and you look like a queen


[User] thank you

[Assistant] will you come for PPO or


[User] PPO..no it’s in first year

[Assistant] ok. yeah. Do you come for basic acting skills?


[User] no. it’s in first year too.

[Assistant] oh.. which lecture are you doing this year. I have forgotten  sef, this semester


[User] Dramography

[Assistant] Dramography. Ok you did dance drama in ..


[User] first semester

[Assistant] first semester.. ok. this semester is Dramography?


[User] yes

[Assistant] do you stay off camp? Do you stay off camp?


[User] no.. I don’t stay off camp. I stay in the hostel

[Assistant] hostel.. where?


[User] Anonymous

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] you don’t stay here, ... you are not the campus type

[Assistant] I don’t even.. I don’t like. .. I don’t visit girls hostel often.


[User] I see

[Assistant] so tell me more about you, tell me more about yourself naw..


[User] hmm… why do you want to know

[Assistant] you know, since you came, I have been keeping quite


[User] eh…

[Assistant] you know since you joined me, I have been keeping quite.


[User] hmm.. let me buy pen. Because in my next class, it’s like we are going to write test.

[Assistant] you want to buy what?


[User] pen

[Assistant] you don’t have pen


[User] hmm.. I’m coming

[Assistant] I’d be waiting for you


[User] you haven’t heard of toothpick in this department  or  why not?

[Assistant] I don’t know. Maybe I’m just the type that… many people don’t know me. I don’t know much people. And much people don’t know me


[User] You don’t know much people? Why?

[Assistant] I don’t know why…


[User] you don’t know why?

[Assistant] but do you know me before?


[User] your face is familiar. I’ve been seeing your face

[Assistant] but you don’t just know me


[User] yeah.. but I know your face. Like I don’t know your name. but I know that I have been seeing your face of late.

[Assistant] ok.


[User] so tell me, what’s your name again?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Anonymous, Anonymous...

[Assistant] or Anonymous, anyone


[User] I love the name and you look like a Anonymous. You look like a Anonymous. So where are you from?

[Assistant] Enugu State.


[User] Enugu State? What part?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Anonymous! what side of Anonymous?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Anonymous, that’s very fine. I’m from Enugu State also

[Assistant] What part?


[User] do you really want to know?

[Assistant] yeah


[User] why?

[Assistant] I want to know  naw


[User] you just want to know?

[Assistant] yeah..


[User] ok.. I’m from Anonymous

[Assistant] is it inside Anonymous?


[User] do you know Anonymous?

[Assistant] yeah I know it


[User] we have a common boundary

[Assistant] and I pass it when I’m coming to school


[User] I know Anonymous very well. I visit Anonymous often. I know .,. You know.. .so many of them and the rest of them. That is very fine. You know, people that are from there are always very rich people.

[Assistant] it depends..


[User] and you look like a queen

[Assistant] thank you


[User] will you come for PPO or

[Assistant] PPO..no it’s in first year


[User] ok. yeah. Do you come for basic acting skills?

[Assistant] no. it’s in first year too.


[User] oh.. which lecture are you doing this year. I have forgotten  sef, this semester

[Assistant] Dramography


[User] Dramography. Ok you did dance drama in ..

[Assistant] first semester


[User] first semester.. ok. this semester is Dramography?

[Assistant] yes


[User] do you stay off camp? Do you stay off camp?

[Assistant] no.. I don’t stay off camp. I stay in the hostel


[User] hostel.. where?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Anonymous

[Assistant] you don’t stay here, ... you are not the campus type


[User] I don’t even.. I don’t like. .. I don’t visit girls hostel often.

[Assistant] I see


[User] so tell me more about you, tell me more about yourself naw..

[Assistant] hmm… why do you want to know


[User] you know, since you came, I have been keeping quite

[Assistant] eh…


[User] you know since you joined me, I have been keeping quite.

[Assistant] hmm.. let me buy pen. Because in my next class, it’s like we are going to write test.


[User] you want to buy what?

[Assistant] pen


[User] you don’t have pen

[Assistant] hmm.. I’m coming


[User] I’d be waiting for you

[Assistant] Everybody nah just say, I no be yahoo boy, I no be yahoo boy. Everybody, all these people wey dey thief then, wetin dem be then? Nna eh, see guy, this life na money yab man o, o  man nah money yab man; if you no, if you no make money guy e just be like say you be chaff guy.  E be like say, e be like say if you no get money guy, e get, you no dey, you no dey this world, like you no dey this world, you just dey your own world. Nna eh!


[User] You wey dey talk money, money, money say you go make am, you go make am,

[Assistant] Guy


[User] Wetin you dey do wey, wey,

[Assistant] Guy


[User] For where you go make am?

[Assistant] Guy, I just believe say in me say I go make am because I no fit die poor, kpe…


[User] You, you no fit die poor

[Assistant] Ah nahn, I no fit die poor ooo


[User] You dey work?

[Assistant] Reason am nah, reason am nah


[User] How you dey work make you make am?

[Assistant] Omo, omo reason am nah


[User] You wan dey inside your house…Make am?

[Assistant] Nna eh


[User] Na question, you wan dey Inside your house make am?

[Assistant] I go make am


[User] School now, you don dey inside house talk say school na scam

[Assistant] Okay, wetin we go do now…


[User] you no go school again,

[Assistant] Wetin we go do when we wake up now?


[User] You no dey house dey work

[Assistant] But I want to ask question, why will… But I want to ask a question, why will Nigeria artist will be singing las, las, school na scam, what does it actually mean?


[User] What does it actually, Nna eh!

[Assistant] They are trying to confuse people like you


[User] Yes

[Assistant] Yes


[User] Because check it now, my guy no dey go school again; say school na scam…School na scam, school na scam. And im no dey work and im still dey talk say im go make am

[Assistant] Im no dey work, what do you mean by work?


[User] Im no get legal,legal work wey im dey do

[Assistant] Im dey, im dey, dem dey use, dem dey use star music encourage their self


[User] Omo even if the…

[Assistant] As in give dem, give their self hope


[User] Omo see guy, omo, wetin una dey reason sef? Omo see guy no matter the thing you dey hustle, study like mad, eee even if you dey hustle, study like mad

[Assistant] Why you come dey talk say school na scam?


[User] See, hustle… Me, me, ah, ah, school no be scam, omo mey I tell you. All those people wey dey tell you say school na scam don make, don go school, but ba, but based on say dem no get long leg, you know say everything now for, for this world now na long leg, you understand? Based on say dem no get long leg now, dem go come dey feel like say school na scam. E get some people wey dey school now wey be say if them come out dem don get work. So, those people wey be say when dem come out dem go stay five years, first class holder go dey drive this thing, kekenapepe, go dey drive bike, na im…

[Assistant] Na Wetin im be, no be scam for them?


[User] Ehhenn, im go, na those kind people dey talk school nah scam. So, na those kind people…

[Assistant] Because im don scam dem!


[User] Eheen, dem no…

[Assistant] Dem no graduate?


[User] Dem graduate but dem no dey make am there

[Assistant] Dem no go service?


[User] You understand… dem no dey make am there

[Assistant] True, true for Nigeria now; school na scam o guy


[User] School na scam sha, for some people, you understand bah

[Assistant] If you get that music, mey we, mey we dey play am


[User] Nnaaaa

[Assistant] True, true, school na scam


[User] Guy, omo, na money yab man…

[Assistant] No reason am


[User] Hustle o, hustle like mad

[Assistant] We dey third year, we dey third year but school na scam


[User] Hustle till you pay the set guy

[Assistant] Like seriously, we are


[User] Hustle till you pay the set, hustle till you pay the set

[Assistant] We are, we are in theatre and …, we are in theatre and film studies, and it seems like we are not even, it seems like as if we are not; even  sef, is better off that we are just working, learning work is better, because, I, as you can see now, to even read, there is no appetite again to even read because lecturers are fucking up, the students, everything; even the HOD himself is even getting it more. You will be paying, paying, paying


[User] no dey tire dem, e just be like say…

[Assistant] HOD, HOD, guy, I send HOD friend request, im accept me,I wan post am.


[User] Hey! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

[Assistant] So, that is it. I don’t really actually mean like school…


[User] School now, school now don scatter, school don kpoko, school now don nono

[Assistant] But does it mean, does it actually mean that those of, those people that went to school and got their Masters, PHD and are working o


[User] I know person wey get Masters wey dey pursue PHD wey never get job, wetin you dey try tell me?

[Assistant] Im get, I’m get, na okada im be o


[User] Masters o, Masters. You wan, wetin you wan yarn me?

[Assistant] Oya ehhh, see the truth about am here ehhhh,. Guy, see… make I tell una something, school no be actually scam, na the thing wey dey…


[User] Me, I believe school is not actually scam

[Assistant] The educational system now, the educational system is fucked up actually, you understand. Because of; in this life when we were created, we were created to make mistakes


[User] Yeah, yeah

[Assistant] But now, you will go to school and they will tell you that if you make mistake you are wrong. I don’t know if you understand me.


[User] Yeah, like nobody is perfect. I know, nobody is perfect

[Assistant] No, mistakes, mistakes na the thing wey dey teach us things about life. If you no make mistakes, you no go fit learn


[User] We learn by mistakes  nau

[Assistant] Thank you very much but the thing…


[User] You say what, we learn what?

[Assistant] We learn by mistake


[User] Thank you very much

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, yeah. True, true


[User] Now, the school now doesn’t want you to make that mistake. Why child go go school dem go ask am 1+1 im go talk maybe 3, dem go com flog am, flog am, flog am because of say im make mistakes. You understand that kind thing? So now, the school and plenty people now are because of say the first people wey start school that time, dem com get government job, …, dey successful, na im everybody chook head for inside school

[Assistant] Guy, mey I ask you, you talk say school no be scam, you wan talk say school no be scam?


[User] Calm down mey I explain myself. Cool down make I explain myself

[Assistant] He said school is not actually scam


[User] But in a way school is scam?

[Assistant] Yes, that’s what he’s trying to say


[User] Now, thank you, now, thank you very much. In a way school

[Assistant] But if you are putting this thing


[User] The educational system, the system na im dey scam

[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait… let me tell you something,


[User] But this guy wey you dey see like this, this boy, guy wey dey here believe say school na scam.

[Assistant] But wait make I tell you something, wait…


[User] If to say you no believe school na scam, why you been talk say you no go send your pikin go school?

[Assistant] Okay, wait make I tell you something.


[User] Why you talk am?

[Assistant] Excuse me, excuse me…


[User] If you want to talk about, wait…

[Assistant] Education, education is one thing, the educational system is another thing


[User] Okay nah,  why you no go send your pikin go school

[Assistant] Then, if you’re saying educational system eh, make sure say you dey put am for Nigeria


[User] Guy mey I chip una, mey I chip una, mey I chip una, wait, guy, guy, guy

[Assistant] Dey talk say educational system for Nigeria is very poor


[User] The world educational system is very poor. Guy wait mey I chip una. The world in general, I will tell you why, I will tell you why

[Assistant] Tell us why the world…


[User] Why will they discriminate, do you know now, the world now, okay what now, if you go to school they will tell you that cheating is wrong

[Assistant] Yeah it's true, we know


[User] Define cheating. Cheating is the way of helping your brother, like they say helping your brother during an examination is wrong. Now, making us when we come to real life if you see your brother, you no go fit help am because of say that insight wey school don imbib dey in you when you dey school

[Assistant] No be wetin I think say you wan talk, you wan talk sef


[User] Okay why dem go do first position…

[Assistant] See guy mey I chip you, mey I chip you


[User] First position dem go give them prize, last position dem no go give them prize

[Assistant] Wait make master…


[User] Dem no know say, dem no know say eh, dem no know say e get some children wey dey good on maths,

[Assistant] See guy, mey I tell you


[User] E get some children we dey good for e, on something wey no be education

[Assistant] Wetin, wetin mey you talk, mey dem dey give last person wey, last position prize; E no easy to take last o


[User] No, no be about, no, not last position now. E fit be say, the guy, the guy dey good in another thing wey no be,

[Assistant] _ML _PS _PE <TB> P/P Wey no be school mata


[User] _ML _PS _PE <TB> P/P Wey no be school eh, school mata

[Assistant] _BL _PS _PE <TB> P/P <ITS> <P-E> <ITS> <E-P> Wetin make school scam for Nigeria, wetin make school scam for Nigeria be say na we dey study for the love to make money, for the, for the, we are not studying it for to, to, to know, nobody dey, nobody is doing it for the passion. Everybody just dey, we just dey study to mey we, mey we graduate make am, make we graduate make money. So, for and school is not meant to be like that, school is not meant to be like that. So, that’s wha, that’s…


[User] Do you know, do you know another thing…

[Assistant] The truth about it is this, the truth about it is this, Instead of,


[User] The problem, the problem is our mentality

[Assistant] That’s it


[User] In school now, nobody, nobody learns

[Assistant] Nobody learns, If you are just trying, you are just replicating..., nobody tries to know that, okay, how, how did, how did this come about, why did it really, nobody is doing it really. We are just doing it to pass.


[User] See, see, let me tell you, many people, many people regret their steps they have,  have taken because youths of nowadays, nobody wants to think; everybody is G, G, G, yahoo, yahoo, yahoo, yahoo, yahoo, yahoo,  you understand? Nobody want to think and calm down and understand the economy of Nigeria. If you don’t understand the economy of Nigeria…

[Assistant] But I want to, I want to chip in something. Rex, Rex get me now, Rex get me, eh Sponky now get me, I want to say something, once, once you are saying that school is scam now, do you know that there are people that school are not scam for, lets, let me get my, get my point now, like this old rich men that a kind of, okay, imagine you are your parents is a senator now, if per, per semester he can, he will send like two hundred thousand into your account in a semester, won’t you feel happy to go to school? Do you have any reason of failing?


[User] Wait, wait, I want to ask you a question

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] Are you going for the money…  Or you are going to learn? The, like, you are going for the passion? Nobody is doing it for the love of, for the love of doing it; nobody is doing it, we are just doing it for the love of money

[Assistant] While school is, why you are telling me that school is scam is when you don’t get the necessary, when you don’t get the necessary things, the necessary resources


[User] Resources… There’s a difference between school…and resources

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] You understand? School is a different thing all together

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] What you need is a different thing all together

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] What you do when you are in school is something different all together

[Assistant] Okay


[User] Now, if a, your parent is sending you two hundred thousand naira and you don’t like school, and probably you are not supposed to be in school, no matter how much they send you, you will not do well in your examination

[Assistant] School na scam


[User] You made mention of ehhh say your person go send you money, say you go fit to go school

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] But what’s the ..., like say everybody dey go school now eh. The general thing there is to do what?

[Assistant] To graduate


[User] And what?

[Assistant] And get a job


[User] And make money

[Assistant] And make money, yeah


[User] Right?

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] That’s ...

[Assistant] Number 1, the primary thing


[User] Wait, wait. Okay, see all this young eh billionaires all these rich men which, like Dangote for example now

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] Maybe his son ehhh, but do you know that his son is in school?

[Assistant] Definitely, he must, his son must be in school


[User] Why is, why is he now in school?

[Assistant] For him to learn, not that school is scam


[User] Okay; why then are you saying that if you have the money you will be happy to be, to be going to school, when you don’t have zeal to learn…

[Assistant] Oga, oga when you get money…Na, see… see… school... when you get money, money can do anything; even though you fail exam, see make I, if you fail exam… You fit use your money solve am


[User] No, there’s different between education. You are, you are, you are saying that the use of money

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] That’s what you are saying

[Assistant] Yeah


[User] But education is something else

[Assistant] Yes


[User] Money is something else

[Assistant] Something else; But money can make you go far in education…


[User] Money can help, as in can help you as in mtchew, can help you go far in education

[Assistant] That is what I’m that’s the point I’m trying to


[User] If you don’t have the zeal, if you don’t have the zeal to educate yourself…

[Assistant] For you to be comfortable, for you to be comfortable in school; you must have money. You must have money.


[User] Thank you! That is where I’m going to

[Assistant] That is not where you are going


[User] You are saying that, if they give you money now, you will be happy to go to school

[Assistant] Yes, yes!


[User] Without the zeal?

[Assistant] Yes, Yeah, I Will, I will be happy to be a student, because anything I need, anything I need, I would, I would do. Why school is scam is that, due to sometimes is…


[User] I be Bluetooth?

[Assistant] Guy, dem don change your name to Bluetooth


[User] Sometimes, sometimes you will find out that you want to eat, you want to read, you want to eat and read but you will not see the money…

[Assistant] Guy, guy, you wey dey shout school na scam, e be like say you don get carry over. Na only person wey don get carryover go dey shout say school na scam, school na scam, how many you don get?


[User] Wait, wait, wait mey I talk something. Wait let me say something. Now, the only reason, now, the only reason why school, the only reason calm down, calm down mey I talk something. The only reason why school na scam is because of the end product of school.

[Assistant] The end product, when you talk about the end product of the school, what do you actually mean?


[User] Thank you very much. The only thing that makes a product scam is the end product. People have discovered that instead of the end product of school being a nice job and a nice life; the end product is finding unemployed youth. So, the end product is what they are calling scam. that if you go through school, no matter whether you go through school happy or whether you go through school sad, the end product should give us the same thing, if A, Mr. A Mr. B, Mr. C, Mr. D should go to school, it doesn’t matter whether they were rich when, during their school days, what they are looking forward is when after the school days that they should be happy, that they should have the good jobs but then this days the end product is not, is the end product is just fucked up. You see that people go to school; they are out and they are , unemployed; even first class, second eh, second class upper, everybody is unemployed; so the end product is what they are calling scam. Thank you very much!

[Assistant] I have exactly this… APP


[User] Okay; this thing, what’s the name again?

[Assistant] Is blood capsule. Give me; let me smell it. It’s not this one


[User] Supra malt, I hate that thing. Very big…

[Assistant] Jesus, too big


[User] One day, my dad put Supra malt inside garri and gave me to take. I now bite it. Oh, Jesus! For two weeks like this, supra malt still dey my tongue. You know if you open that thing, ... Hewu! And he now told me to eat… Oh my God! Eat it! I now swallow it! Hmm! Jesus Christ!

[Assistant] And you did not vomit?


[User] Eh?

[Assistant] You did not vomit?


[User] Calm down let me finish nau.  vomit… you will pack that vomit and eat. You don’t know my parents mtchew hmmm. My father that gave me drugs, I vomit, he picked it out, wash it, gave it to me

[Assistant] Jesus


[User] You don’t know my father, hmmm. Try and vomit, you will drink it back. When we were small, if we are eating, that man don’t use to allow someone to rest. Swallow that food.  Me I’m coming  nah. One day he was shouting at me the garri I ate, I went and vomit everything. That’s when, that’s when I know that if you mold garri and pput in your throat, the garri will change the shape of your throat like that long this thing, Mtchew, that’s how I just know the shape of garri changes. Hmm, everything came out. Even after vomiting, he said I should come back and eat. My mum said, leave that girl alone nau. He said How can, how pikin go dey like this im no go chop food. See as im dey.

[Assistant] Hmmm, nawaoooo. Sniper don go far ooo


[User] I swear

[Assistant] I wish I will drink sniper and die; my relationship is killing me


[User] Just check the comment nah, you will see what they will tell him

[Assistant] Everywhere, facebook, whatsapp, wechat


[User] Shebi it’s the same thing they told that girl

[Assistant] They said please oooo,


[User] They said, they told the girl to die

[Assistant] Let them not, let them not remove sniper from the market o, all these Rochas everywhere must die. Cockroaches everywhere must die, leave relationship and you will be fine. One now said add hypo to it and thank me later


[User] Nawao. That girl said rope is seductive. What again o, knife abi what is temtemptous

[Assistant] Ha, oh!


[User] Who is that?

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] Anonymous no dey flash me nah. I’m I your mate?

[Assistant] Sniper that is very costly that those in the hostel will carry it just to… by everybody


[User] To kilI Bedbug. I swear to God

[Assistant] Na im people just dey buy two bottles sef. orange flavor for that matter


[User] Are they looking for a painful death?

[Assistant] You know most of them once they drink that thing that their eyes will now open


[User] Are they looking for a death without regret?

[Assistant] They should start by hating sniper so that it will…


[User] Once it gets to their intestine; it will just burn it up

[Assistant] The thing burns from the throat. Sniper is acid  nau, you know how fast it used to be


[User] How do they swallow it if it burns from the throat?

[Assistant] All you just want to chew, only the sniper


[User] And the other guy now took 2 bottles

[Assistant] The boy will now be drinking. Drinking, the ...  naw at a stretch  abi at a go.I will now when I don dey drink… I will now make shhhhh!


[User] I thought is too that eh… that…

[Assistant] I, I, think eh, they used to even vomit blood


[User] Jeeesusss!

[Assistant] There’s no way you will acid and acid will be burning you inside and blood will not come out from your body. You will not foam


[User] Okay, they don’t use to foam?

[Assistant] Hmmm. Have you eaten this starter before?


[User] Maybe after foaming they will now bring out…

[Assistant] Anonymous you’ve been eating since nah


[User] There is rice in the pot  nah

[Assistant] I don’t want to go to kitchen. When you eat finish, I’m going to eat


[User] Oh!...

[Assistant] Hmmm, dey continue dey go for night class nah, other people dem no dry read?


[User] Oh!, I will soon go and make my own sha

[Assistant] Make you now go and join your ancestors


[User] Let me go and join my mama

[Assistant] You want to go and join…


[User] Do you want to drink? ..., why you say …

[Assistant] ...Your mother was so funny. …


[User] Have you, have you entered that compound since?

[Assistant] I dey fear. That time I went home that I was walking small, small; I was scared


[User] You don’t know if I want to enter, I will enter, I will enter from backyard.Is from back yardnah

[Assistant] God forbid


[User] I was just walking… if, Jesus! I thought I will see snake like that kind of thing; big snake that will just come and tell me, where are you going to?

[Assistant] You should have looked for someone to give you snake


[User] Chinekemeee, snake will come and tell you…

[Assistant] This girl is not…


[User] I thought my grandma will turn to snake

[Assistant] Of all things, to turn to snake


[User] When I passed that her, that, that side that…

[Assistant] Do you know one car eh when I went home hmmm, the car drove out, he now got to that my uncle side, he said he forgot something, he gave me key to go and collect it from the house, I said I will not going to go together.He said I should go


[User] Everywhere is quiet

[Assistant] I was, I was just scared, immediately I opened the gate; the first thing I saw was grave. Heu! Jesus Christ! Where I go enter from?  What if they just come out boom, boom, boom… So you carry my bed...


[User] 1 x errrm, 1 x 2 is what? 1 x 2 is what, twice daily?

[Assistant] Once, two times daily


[User] Okay. Pharmacy people, science all around me. Oh! All my kids will do science

[Assistant] I know she will say that thing


[User] …. Here, micro biology

[Assistant] Is it not art people that use to kill their seLf?


[User] What again, what department is this?

[Assistant] Is true o


[User] Is art people, even last year

[Assistant] If is in UNEC you do that thing, them go, them go revive you


[User] SLT

[Assistant] You will not die. Dem go revive you back


[User] This drug that is looking at somebody’s eyeball

[Assistant] You cannot just do drugs like this and open it?


[User] No, I, I…

[Assistant] Is it smelling?


[User] Hmmm, the thing is doing smelly, smelly…

[Assistant] Have you smell errrm, Laramyl abi na what or quinine and is it quinine, piunoquine


[User] Chloroquine… I’ve not taken it before

[Assistant] Chloroquinin o, dem say na chloroquine


[User] God, it's not good to no know anything o… Jesus!

[Assistant] … Polythene.  Jane say is lylon


[User] Annnn… lylon, lylon bag

[Assistant] Lylon bag


[User] What is it before, is it not ly… But so many people used to say lylon

[Assistant] Who used to say lylon, only you


[User] Singular and prular

[Assistant] I cannot say prularooo Prurar, is it prur…


[User] My sister say is furtunor, furniture ooo, furtunor I don’t even have, God, I don’t have strength to  baf, mtchew!

[Assistant] God, this drugs too big


[User] Why don’t you take it one, one?

[Assistant] Hmm? I will get tired if I take it one, one


[User] Hmm, tired?

[Assistant] I swear


[User] One, one bah?

[Assistant] One, one, one, one


[User] It’s not the best way

[Assistant] Take enough water so that it will work faster


[User] Hmmm, me I cannot take it one, one o

[Assistant] Take enough water o


[User] … both the big one and the small sizes

[Assistant] Mba


[User] I just separated them, the big ones were last, the small ones went first

[Assistant] I hate small drugs because they will end up stocking in my tongue


[User] There’s a small one and it’s like vitamin B complex

[Assistant] Once it touches my tongue, I’m not taking it again


[User] Okay that eh, okay you know, I thought is the syrup own, mtchew

[Assistant] Do you want to vomit?


[User] Anonymous,, do, you know this errrrm, this syrup eh, Wait-On?

[Assistant] Wait-On?


[User] It’s for blood. My brother like… put it inside fridge, bring it out,… it with milk, my sister will now put malt inside and drink. Oh God! I hate malt and milk

[Assistant] E/E Eh! You hate malt and milk?


[User] It tastes like blood medicine

[Assistant] Ahhhh! Where? Did, did you hear what she said,  abi is only me that heard it?


[User] It’s true, she have said it before

[Assistant] Malt and Milk is the best


[User] I don’t like that thing

[Assistant] Especially when you pour all the, all of them; all the tin milk. Use peak o..


[User] Eh! You will like it

[Assistant] Tin, pour everything, mtchew


[User] Eh! You will like it o

[Assistant] So much of a beauty


[User] You have said it since that time you came back i saw that…

[Assistant] I don’t like it


[User] Ehhhhn, you are not use to malt and milk

[Assistant] My mummy will now go and do this eh… garden egg leaf


[User] My dad use to take that thing, In the morning

[Assistant] Whether she go put milk inside sour bitter leaf. Take


[User] Thank you

[Assistant] She go put leaf, put milk inside and drink the bitter leaf. Give me bread. Do you know hospital too far? Nobody know it. you don’t know that thing, ahhhhnnn! It’s one leaf like that o, they said the thing is thick, when you boil it, the water will become pink.


[User] Pink?

[Assistant] Agbo, is it Agbo?


[User] They said it's hospital too far, I don’t know whether na Agbo

[Assistant] No, Agbo is for malaria


[User] Which one is Agbo?

[Assistant] They said it’s used to cure anything


[User] That agbo, agbo na the worst…

[Assistant] You see why I like science… Paracetamol is just for pain, it’s not for stomach ache…


[User] Hey! Wait, wait, in Holy Rosary,  …my stomach is paining me, our Matron will carry paracetamol and give you. Anything you want, go there she will give you paracetamol

[Assistant] My chest is paining me, she will give you paracetamol. If you now come again, she will now add another one to it


[User] She will add another one

[Assistant] Some, children will react


[User] We use to react  nah, so, no, nobody use to react to paracetamol

[Assistant] In my cousin’s school, they will always call the parents if it’s serious…


[User] Do you know that eh

[Assistant] It’s now left for you to…


[User] Do, do you know this errm, Ar, Ar, Artesunate drug, my sister is allergic to it?

[Assistant] Artesunate


[User] The day she took that drug…

[Assistant] I hate that drug


[User] That time she was in primary 4; her mouth swelled, mtchew…

[Assistant] Turn everything upside down


[User] Artesunate will display you hmm, her mouth swell, her eye swell, ear swell, nose swell; like her face, throughout that week, my mum said throughout that week that she was having attack

[Assistant] E/E Mtchew, that, that week fell on top of her. Her eye cut, she was now looking so ugly… Like… Jesus and she was now having measles I don’t know whether is measles but the thing was now looking like… my mummy will give her sugarcane to be eating.


[User] Is that thing…

[Assistant] Is that drug


[User] Is that drug ehn

[Assistant] I know it’s that drug, she was now sleeping; every time she will be sleeping, every time she will be sleeping


[User] Is that drug, it happened to my mum, my mum was scratching like this, like, you know when someone is mad…

[Assistant] Even her brain  nau


[User] Everything was just coming out coming out big, big, big. If you see her body

[Assistant] God forbid


[User] Her face, she hate that drug ehhh

[Assistant] The day, the day, okay the first time she went to school and came back, my mother now say Anonymous, you don dey fat o, wetin dey do you? She said her face is heaving her, she now say go and sleep is tiredness. She sleep and wake up…Gboom! Like the thing just came out Gboom like…


[User] You know when you are sleeping so many things happen in your body

[Assistant] It’s true and your body system like function very well


[User] She just come out, she ran away from the house. Something is inside the house. The girl was looking very slim, she cannot even talk. Hai and that girl is very weak. Tufiakwa! Like my father, he took one nonsense drug,  im mouth swell

[Assistant] I took the picture, I cannot delete it in my phone and this one eh and okay, my mother now gave him coconut water. The thing now reduce a little. He then took it again times four, Gboom! He now carry that same mouth and go to bank, hmmm! My sister said that my father say let her follow him and go to bank, she said she cannot go, that she will tell people that she is not his, he’s not his father, hmmm mtchew


[User] But it is drugs  nah

[Assistant] If it’s me, I will just deny you like this. You cannot come and disgrace me like that with your mouth. The thing just, the thing just big like this…


[User] Have you seen a big mouth before?

[Assistant] She has not seen, that’s why


[User] Do you know that Anonymous’s…

[Assistant] Husband


[User] Errrm… Husband; the thing have reduced

[Assistant] His mouth?


[User] Ehhhn, unlike before

[Assistant] Are you serious?


[User] He have big mouth before

[Assistant] I know say he have big mouth before, but he have not, I’ve not been seeing him of recent


[User] Mtchew, the thing have reduced

[Assistant] That ugly man


[User] Somebody’s heartbeat

[Assistant] I swear, someone’s husband


[User] Ha, ha, heartbeakke,

[Assistant] With how many children


[User] They almost, they almost divorce o

[Assistant] Anonymous


[User] But you, you cannot divorce; you have marry, you have marry.  You don enter, you cannot go

[Assistant] I swear


[User] Thank God for education.  Me… I will divorce you o, marry an educated person that understands that divorce is not a sin

[Assistant] Anonymous please help me remove sand from the bed


[User] And lay low

[Assistant] Anonymous,  let’s watch movie  nahhh


[User] Which movie Anonymous? I have exam tomorrow…

[Assistant] Is not that one ooo


[User] …and you are telling me to watch movie. Carry the Laptop and go to Anonymous’s  room and watch movie

[Assistant] Anonymous is doing like ...


[User] If you see what that BCE department did to us today

[Assistant] Me too I wrote exam today  sef


[User] We wrote exam in the morning, Petroleum. In the afternoon they told us to come and write BCH test

[Assistant] Okayyyyy, you are one of the people that wrote the test? By 2  bah? I heard that, that test was not…


[User] 15 minutes test. The test, the test was very cheap but the problem is…, we did not…

[Assistant] Read


[User] Prepare for it

[Assistant] Petroleum micro-biology that is like the stage of life. Then, our final years already have exam to write today and most of them are carrying 353 over.


[User] Over?

[Assistant] And they are still carrying 315 over. So they have…


[User] Prerequisite?

[Assistant] 3


[User] Enough for you guys

[Assistant] No, no, no. this one is… this thing is errrm BIOCHEM. I pity them today…


[User] It’s not easy

[Assistant] Someone that wrote exam from 9-12, you will now enter another one 2, 2, you will write another one 3, 2


[User] There is one, there’s one third year girl o, the girl was complaining that she did not write our 2113 because she had exam that day. A boy was now telling her, you should have written it nah; how do you expect me to leave my 3unit load to come and write 2unit load for you. See, …, the girl was shouting for the boy o. He said calm down; I don’t know nah, she said how will you know, how will you know, because I have carry over

[Assistant] Carry over is always frustrating


[User] ’m telling you

[Assistant] Others are moving forward, they are taking you backward


[User] Is it a movie?

[Assistant] who has earpiece, hmm?


[User] I no get earpiece

[Assistant] It’s in my bag, I did not charge it. Please, abeg


[User] Baby calm down  nah. Ehhh!

[Assistant] Is it comedy or movie? Eh, Anonymous? Movie


[User] E/E She said she is not black

[Assistant] Ehhhhhn


[User] But she is Domenterm. Domenterm they are, how do I put it? Domenterm they are black people.It’s an island in Africa; now the girl says she’s not black, that black people they are ignorance and they are…

[Assistant] It look as if somebody telling you I’m not from Nigeria but I’m from ah, but I’m from Enugu


[User] Je-sus. See this goat!

[Assistant] Even if I’m black skin, I’m not black


[User] I’m done, done what? Oh! Black people are selfish and ignorant. What’s shabalaba ding-dong?

[Assistant] I don’t know ooo


[User] Ding-Dong, that sounds more like a bell

[Assistant] Or is she …?  Spanish


[User] I think she is… mtchew, how will I put it?

[Assistant] Citizen


[User] ... I don’t even know but her name is Anonymous or like… hmm. when in An, America as heaven…

[Assistant] Is she black?Is this one black?


[User] Anonymous, hmm, she’s light, you know they are light skin black people. Just like people in…

[Assistant] They don’t want to accept that they are black


[User] She wants to… to the…

[Assistant] No! There are some black people, just like; how do I put it? Just like I’m dark,  and you now, you'er fairer than I am… Hmmm? You are a Nigerian


[User] You are Nigerian girl. Now…

[Assistant] Different colour… Nicky Minaj is black, Rihanna is black, errrrrrm, Beyounce is black, Kenya West is black; Is obvious he’s black


[User] They are… they are Dominican,...

[Assistant] Eh, this guy he went to hell fire, the girl, his sister now asked him why he went to hell fire, he now said because he’s masturbating with anointing oil. she then said Jesus Christ , Some people’s sin eh is... Hell sef is good for them. there is no … ah, God forbid! Even thing worse than hell. Please, bring your leg down. Anonymous give me some space; off the light. I don’t want to see anything light.


[User] What's your problem?

[Assistant] Hmm, ... girl


[User] The day we’ll eh, I just, the day we will beat you in this room is coming?

[Assistant] Who will beat me? I was talking to all of you  naw


[User] …will just, hold her…

[Assistant] I wasn’t talking to Anonymous. She and all of you


[User] Old mama. Idiot!

[Assistant] Anonymous ... off the light o. I hope your skin will not reflect in my eye, because I don’t want anything of, any atom of light that…eeeeverybody ...black … black.…  off your phone; off your phone, I don’t want to see light


[User] This girl is very stupid o

[Assistant] As in eh…


[User] Why not just go under your bed

[Assistant] Elstupido! Nincompoop!


[User] Jesus guide me ooo, please, let me not wake up and do something that people have done.

[Assistant] You don’t need to go to the market to buy sniper, your neighbor is selling it; chilled one


[User] As in… naw

[Assistant] I said she don’t need to go to market to buy sniper o that her neighbor is selling it


[User] Hmmmm, their room is sniper already

[Assistant] just stay with Anonymous for one, one hour, you will snipe yourself to death.


[User] So how family  naw?

[Assistant] I’m fine  jare. How far  be this thing…


[User] Which thing?

[Assistant] …ENG 40… 40…ENG 40… 401 test


[User] Test abi assignment

[Assistant] The assignment, how we go take do  am?


[User] We go do am naw. Shebi…?

[Assistant] How do we do it? That’s the question. How do you think we should  do it?


[User] In fact I wasn’t in class. But if we should sit and discuss  it together

[Assistant] And when will that be?


[User] I was told that we should use one grammatical unit

[Assistant] Yes, one grammatical unit… and then you use it to explain the  form and function


[User] I think I would have to go  with clause

[Assistant] I thought of clause before o. But I’m thinking of  sentence now


[User] Ehhe, Why?  Why sentence?

[Assistant] I don’t  really know


[User] No naw; most people would actually go for sentence. But I don’t know why. What’s your  own opinion?

[Assistant] I wanted to do clause, but I am  looking at …


[User] Because of the complexity of clauses abi

[Assistant] Yes…yes… yes…na  the thing


[User] Na the  thing be that abi?

[Assistant] Yes, na because of  the complexity..


[User] Yes, I was. You weren’t  in class?

[Assistant] No,  I wasn’t.


[User] Where you go?

[Assistant] I dey busy. I dey look   for money


[User] For that our school? You know I go there  naw

[Assistant] You no tell me, why you dey still  do like this


[User] So now  that I am saying it will I still see you

[Assistant] No no no no


[User] Na waa for you oh. I went there and they say I should meet one man like that As I go that one come say make I go meet …that I should go and meet her. That she presents a programme on Fridays there, but I’ve not gone to see her. I will , but you know I’m busy.  I no want a situation wey I go  start and I go say I never start.  My problem is let me not tell her and I’m not ready to start up.

[Assistant] You are not ready at all, not even once in a while. Now wey you... this people na him be the opportunity. If they come commot… If na sacrifice, sacrifice am now, later you go enjoy the sacrifice. If you don graduate na him you go come back come dey take…


[User] No, I don’t want to leave it to that extent. I wanted to leave it to maybe  sometime later.

[Assistant] You don go meet …, you don…now the ball is in your court


[User] I’ve also been reluctant, you know say e get as the woman  dey do.

[Assistant] That time wey we dey talk e be like say you get passion, you get interest


[User] No I have interest, they say make I go meet the woman the  thing come…

[Assistant] Why Spenser tell you say make you go meet the woman, e no make sense naw. Spenser e be lie say na him be the radio station manager. Why Spenser himself no…Is it because you tell am say you be  from English department?


[User] Maybe!

[Assistant] You tell  am?


[User] yes

[Assistant] Im read your letter?


[User] No,I just went  to see him

[Assistant] Ah, you no carry  letter go


[User] I told him that… you know that you told me I shouldn’t …You don’t know the policy . The fact that he put you there doesn’t mean that…

[Assistant] He wasn’t the one that took me, ...me na TV oh. The person wey I take go na Mr Anonymous That one na TV manager, TV station manager. That one na for TV, Anonymous na  for radio.


[User] The receptionist there na im direct me go. Me I no know who be who naw

[Assistant] That woman na… Which one? She fair. She’s fair like..., she fair very well. No wahala, no wahala, just meet her. She fit integrate you to  that every Friday; me self I no know say she dey …For me na TV  dey my mind.


[User] Where is the direction of  the light?

[Assistant] The direction  is there…


[User] And you’re backing the light. The camera is facing the light. Oleshe photographer! you can’t be a photographer

[Assistant] How will I be a photographer? Is that my passion? That’s  your passion.


[User] I have passion for…I want to become a sales counselor.

[Assistant] Are you not in the picture?


[User] God forbid

[Assistant] How is  it forbiden?


[User] I  vex it Guy, you see your team dey …  You’ve been taking ... You use  to take cocaine?

[Assistant] Sometimes.


[User] Sometimes. No wonder you use to behave somehow. Why you  dey take this?

[Assistant] Taking what?


[User] This thing naw

[Assistant] The guy wey  I sell my phone to, e don repair am, but my …is still there. Any picture wey e dey snap I dey see  am.


[User] If e come snap you nko? You go come scream? How you leave your  pictures for Anonymous?

[Assistant] The photos  no good…


[User] How much you sell am

[Assistant] six


[User] six k?  O ya naw!

[Assistant] Update  your App.


[User] Omo mi o ni  data

[Assistant] E dey chop  data


[User] E dey chop  data?

[Assistant] Gon!


[User] Na wetin I subscribe  last week… last two weeks’ Friday abi 	Saturday.  Na kini remain 400 and something MB.  I don’t know if they’re doing   yahoo yahoo

[Assistant] Why you no fit do yahoo yahoo  e dey bad?


[User] So a member of church will be doing yahoo yahoo you will be happy. As a Christian are you meant to be taking pills? Are you 	meant 	to be  taking alcohol?

[Assistant] You, you no  dey take cocaine?


[User] I reject it!

[Assistant] How is it ikonburuku?


[User] Me na before be dat? But I fit dey take alcohol  once in a while   sha

[Assistant] Anonymous, how far? Is the man  still in class?


[User] I’m  having headache

[Assistant] Let me  hit your head


[User] Don’t hit my head. Where  are you going?

[Assistant] I’m going to  the car park.


[User] Guy, how far that  FSC 115 class?

[Assistant] Guy that lecturer is a scam jare; I don’t believe in him


[User] At least I was able to hear one or two things. If not for sleep I  would have…

[Assistant] Na that mechanics and ..I enjoy… the  remaining one I just dey… the man just dey talk nonsense for class. The man no give us better topic  naw…


[User] I think it’s because you were not sitting in the front. You are a back bencher. Everybody knows you. See all of us, frontbenchers, we were in the front. I was enjoying the class. I was playing with the pit-stuff. You  can imagine.

[Assistant] Guy, no dey wine me naw. Wait, no no no no;  assuming the man came with a different topic, something like dynamics or dimension, I would have enjoyed the class; though I enjoyed the initial  part but Annonymous…


[User] O boy you fucked up naw. See all of us.  Let me show you. Forget that I slept o, I still copied everything

[Assistant] I trust you; you are a scholar; I trust you; you be scholar


[User] I’m not a scholar. You’re the new guru here naw what are you saying? Are you not  the one?

[Assistant] At the end of it all we will all be alright, no worry.  You will teach me what you know; I will teach you what I know. That’s how life is.  You understand naw, Nigger. We go see naw, make I run go tutorial


[User] Guy, how far that  FSC 115 class?

[Assistant] Guy that lecturer is a scam jare; I don’t believe in him


[User] At least I was able to hear one or two things. If not for sleep I  would have…

[Assistant] Na that mechanics and ..I enjoy… the  remaining one I just dey… the man just dey talk nonsense for class. The man no give us better topic  naw…


[User] I think it’s because you were not sitting in the front. You are a back bencher. Everybody knows you. See all of us, frontbenchers, we were in the front. I was enjoying the class. I was playing with the pit-stuff. You  can imagine.

[Assistant] Guy, no dey wine me naw. Wait, no no no no;  assuming the man came with a different topic, something like dynamics or dimension, I would have enjoyed the class; though I enjoyed the initial  part but Annonymous…


[User] O boy you fucked up naw. See all of us.  Let me show you. Forget that I slept o, I still copied everything

[Assistant] I trust you; you are a scholar; I trust you; you be scholar


[User] I’m not a scholar. You’re the new guru here naw what are you saying? Are you not  the one?

[Assistant] At the end of it all we will all be alright, no worry.  You will teach me what you know; I will teach you what I know. That’s how life is.  You understand naw, Nigger. We go see naw, make I run go tutorial


[User] what’s up   naw?

[Assistant] P/P I dey


[User] How’s school naw?

[Assistant] School  dey alright


[User] Guy, you hear  about today’s match

[Assistant] Shey Arsenal versus Chelsea.


[User] Yes, so wetin be for the match naw?

[Assistant] Arsenal will beat Chelsea


[User] Guy, stop talking that kind thing…  I believe my guy…

[Assistant] Anonymous, when we have the likes of Anonymous, We go beat una jare!


[User] Guy, just calm down let me burst your  bubby

[Assistant] We  go beat you: 4-1


[User] Wait, let me burst your bubby. With the likes of Anonymous, Guy, no chance for you today. I’m telling you the fact. We are bursting that net today. Anonymous will slay you today; Anonynous…

[Assistant] Guy, no dey talk nonsense jare. how many goals na im una get. How many goals?


[User] But …  has the highest number of … goals,  What  are you saying?

[Assistant] Ehn…wetin come consai us?


[User] Guy, make I tell you. Over 4.5 na me dey tell you. Chelsea go win Arsenal today

[Assistant] Guy, you dey talk nonsense. Shebi they go finish match today.  you go watch am.


[User] just watch  naw, Anonymous will get injured  in the field.

[Assistant] you dey talk nonsense . Na you go go defend for them  abi?


[User] you no know wetin dey that… Anonynous go disturb you. Infact, your defendants will be turning  on the field.

[Assistant] Guy, who laughs last laughs best;  shut the fuck up!


[User] Guy, wetin come happen to that medical guy naw, wey die for convocation? I think say na cultist kill   am?

[Assistant] Ehn! Na so you think  am?


[User] Eh na so I think am

[Assistant] I just heard it yesterday on Anonymous’s blog that the medical student was murdered immediately after  the convocation.


[User] I swear! Like I tell one guy like that; im be like my brother.  Im tell me say the guy on his way home , like those  guys just double cross am, from no where oo, with all those stuff, like gun… they just kill am. I think they talk say the boy carry first class or wetin, I no know but the thing wey pain me pass be say the guy – after convocation – they no even kill am before convocation, nothing, nothing. The day wey e carry the the this thing go home they just go kill am.  I swear down!

[Assistant] We should be humanly and emotional sometimes. How could you just murder…


[User] I just imagine the state the parents would be in now, ehn. It’s  unfair actually

[Assistant] Wow!very unfair!


[User] Anyways sha, guys later.

[Assistant] Okay,  take care!


[User] Guy, wetin come happen to that medical guy naw, wey die for convocation? I think say na cultist kill   am?

[Assistant] Ehn! Na so you think  am?


[User] Eh na so I think am

[Assistant] I just heard it yesterday on Anonymous’s blog that the medical student was murdered immediately after  the convocation.


[User] I swear! Like I tell one guy like that; im be like my brother.  Im tell me say the guy on his way home , like those  guys just double cross am, from no where oo, with all those stuff, like gun… they just kill am. I think they talk say the boy carry first class or wetin, I no know but the thing wey pain me pass be say the guy – after convocation – they no even kill am before convocation, nothing, nothing. The day wey e carry the the this thing go home they just go kill am.  I swear down!

[Assistant] We should be humanly and emotional sometimes. How could you just murder…


[User] I just imagine the state the parents would be in now, ehn. It’s  unfair actually

[Assistant] Wow!very unfair!


[User] Anyways sha, guys later.

[Assistant] Okay,  take care!


[User] Na im charger wey dey there. E  come collect am.

[Assistant] Orumba boy, I’m proud of you…Remi never come back?


[User] E get one particular girl wey dey write note for our class. I come collect the five compulsory courses; come  turn am to PDF. I tell dem say the girl collect 2K for my hand before she go give me note. They wan make  e come  give dem for group chat free

[Assistant] No be for group chat


[User] Me a no even kon ask dem say make dem pay me. A say this girl say make I no give anybody

[Assistant] Something wey you don buy from her;


[User] She say make I no give anybody

[Assistant] Wey you use your own money buy


[User] Ehn. e no mean... No,on a norm, this is what I do, from year two, this is what I do:I will go and collect the girl note; I will not tell the girl; I will now throw it on the group chat. The girl did not use to collect money. I will convert it to PDF; I will now throw it on the group chat.  So the girl say this time ehn she go collect money for my hand because she knows that I will carry it to the group chat.  A come tell her say okay how much do you want to collect?  She talk say 3K. I talk say wetin happen. I say I will give you 2 thousand. She now said I should not give anybody that anybody that needs it should... her. And she will tell me to send it to the person. You get? So anything wey she come dey follow the people wey dey go meet her ... no know! But this one, no one even charge the girl up. E wan use because Gbengana my padi. Him and Remidem wan use ‘Gbenga-na-my-padi’ level.  And me; I'm a so disciplined man; a man of promise; a man of my words; a man of dignity!

[Assistant] Even if she say make we pay abi?


[User] Charge the girl!  And funny thing be say, what the girl simple means is this: What do you want? Sorry Anonymous,… Okay Attitude! That’s what she wants!  But him dey think say say dey girl wan ask am for money; na why I dey laugh.

[Assistant] Why I go gas go meet her ?


[User] She’s the owner of the book

[Assistant] Owner of the book wey you don buy?


[User] It does not mean... Forget say I pay am abi a no pay am.  See, I wanted to send it to the group chat immediately I finished, but the girl beg me that I should not send it to the group chat. Me I know what the girl wants to do do. Emi mokon to fe se (I do know what she’s up to.) What’s doing the girl me I know it. She feels that if I send it to the group chat the credit will not be to her again but it will be to me because most time when I send that thing to the group chat credit is always coming to me. So she does not like that kind of thing. So she now wants the credit to go to her. And me I don’t care. I f you like make credit go to you make bonanza go to you dat one no concern me

[Assistant] Eeee! Kukuma send the girl make she use her own hand send it to the group, abi?


[User] She don give two people; she no wan send am to group

[Assistant] So which kind credit she come dey get?


[User] That’s her problem! I don send am to two people now.They paid 1k

[Assistant] They pay the 1.1k


[User] They pay the girl 1k. See, Anonymous wanted to pay me; I say I cannot collect money from your hand. I just told her go and meet the girl. See me I cannot collect money from my friends. Now sef Anonymous sef get the note

[Assistant] Anonymous  get the note. E come dey talk all the best for the group. im pay the girl abi wetin? im pay the girl?


[User] Before nko!Shey we go on talk say we get am for group chat… you know see sey na me and him dey do call-and-response for group chat. Na wetin I wan talk now self be dat say Monday Igo go meet the girl how much people don pay her. At least if people don pay her like 5k, mo send this ting enter group chat. But mofekoteralorun weekiyi (But I want her to please herself this week.) Then I go meet am sey Babe e no suppose be like this; make I send am to the group chat, make everybody use. Shey past questions anybody tell me before I send am? No be me go look for am to snap am send am? And na me even tell una sey de PDF don dey! Monday I go follow her talk say make I send am…

[Assistant] You get that material? that semantics material, you don read am?


[User] Which one be that?

[Assistant] Semantics naw, you say which one, how many semantics we dey do?


[User] I get materials

[Assistant] The one wey she drop.The last one wey she drop


[User] That textbook abi? I get softcopy too

[Assistant] You wey somebody go dey follow you chat for whatapp, you no go reply. That’s why I just stopped to dey send you message .So wetin dey do dis scholar self


[User] Ehnnnnn!

[Assistant] Serious naw! I get your number naw


[User] A no dey reply?

[Assistant] You no dey reply someone o. Shey no bi your number be this. Shey you go help me send am; e no much abi? How far you get anyone for those literature courses?


[User] Materials dey, I gas search

[Assistant] You get Burning of Rags?


[User] No.

[Assistant] Which other one you get?


[User] Dilemma of a Ghost

[Assistant] The class is going to hold but the man is not around


[User] I say e no dey starve class. E dey always come, Anonymous. That is what I’m saying! How are you?

[Assistant] Na dey book wey she give fro class be this; you no see dey front ni? Na whatsapp I send you


[User] Na here the  thing go dey

[Assistant] Go check whatspp first .Na small thing


[User] Na true, I no send you sha; even de one wey I send you no download am

[Assistant] Na small thing naw


[User] Na small thing naw

[Assistant] Anonymous, this tHing no download ooo


[User] Wait, when you fit send am, this evening abi?

[Assistant] Na one thing make me dey reason ; this I Phone be that. I no fit just easily collect things like that!


[User] E help wa the three of you

[Assistant] I’m the president of my class


[User] He Played us! Like this is what happened oo

[Assistant] Baba came to class today. We had class and we had test today.


[User] Then he first of all started to whine us.

[Assistant] E come talk, He was like doing revision.


[User] That see, this is where we stopped this is where we’ll continue.

[Assistant] This part ehn… E fit come out in the…


[User] In his office?

[Assistant] I told you, I had one test that was coinciding with the other one, so I couldn’t write this one. So I now went to write that one. when I now came back, he now said I should write it in his office.


[User] I believe in you. You be online you no read my message.  Are you mad?

[Assistant] I was online when you sent it?


[User] No, but I’m sure you came online before then

[Assistant] I don’t think so. No, my phone has been.. I couldn’t charge my phone. I don’t have charger anymore. I charged it when I woke up around six. When did you send it?


[User] It was this morning; I don’t have the correct time.

[Assistant] Three hours test I swear I never sleep.


[User] I don’t have classes on Monday.

[Assistant] Almost all my days are fucking busy.


[User] Wey Anonymous; wey Anonymous…

[Assistant] But then I can’t crash in Jaja they won’t allow me; and I would have I should do it on Friday, then crash in Jaja…


[User] What about Anonymous’s place

[Assistant] Ehn… Anonymous’s place is available…


[User] Friday you can go and crash at Anonymous’s place. From there…

[Assistant] And that’s true. I will come and do it on Friday; Friday evening


[User] I came because of this bastard

[Assistant] And he’s not around


[User] I swear, guy…

[Assistant] You can get his number and call him


[User] But then his shop is closed

[Assistant] Let me be going to my hostel


[User] How far your husband naw, Anonymous.

[Assistant] Guy, stop saying that thing; I don’t like it.


[User] E dey give you hot hot; hot hot for night. You go dey… you go dey… Why you dey… why you dey… see your husband self don dey blush. Mr. Anonymous!

[Assistant] You are saying rubbish. Do you have sense at all?


[User] Guy, shut up; like say you no like am when his prick is hot inside your pussy

[Assistant] Ah, God, sometimes I wonder like: Is your brain in your anus?


[User] Are you mad? Shey you no like am ni? Guy, you like am; you like it hot hot

[Assistant] If I say what is on my own mind now


[User] Talk. Talk. What do you want to say? Talk your talk! Guy, please talk I beg you in the name of God!

[Assistant] I don’t know what to say again. I don’t know what kind of rubbish you are saying


[User] Abegiiiiiii! Useless man!

[Assistant] Your brain is useless


[User] Ronaldo is the best player on earth

[Assistant] Your opinion is smelling


[User] Shey you dey mad ni? You dey mad?

[Assistant] Someone that’s not the best in his own team


[User] You’re stupid. Who’s now the best? You are stupid!

[Assistant] Guy check group chat; have you seen the assignment?


[User] Guy I never see the assignment!

[Assistant] They  don dey mad for this department.   What’s all this rubbish  naw? Unilag come and take your admission. I’m tired.


[User] Na dem sabi o; make I go check the group chat.

[Assistant] You will forfeit ten marks if you don’t do the assignment. They should come and carry me  naw. All the best.


[User] Guy I just do one assignment

[Assistant] They said FB assignment again. Two hundred naira for pocket; what’s all this naw!


[User] And three thousand for this thing… for MSA. We gas go meet that guy.

[Assistant] MSA never do anything for me since I don gain admission. You see; they are already shouting on the group chat that they cannot pay two hundred naira for lamination. Lamination for hundred naira.


[User] Omo guy A gas do that stuff today

[Assistant] How far you don do your GST? Mo we dey go CI Test.


[User] How far naw, guy?

[Assistant] How your side naw


[User] Omo, I dey: This one wey you just dey sleep since morning.

[Assistant] I just weak ni o my guy


[User] Ah, what’s wrong with you  naw, don’t you know that exams are knocking…

[Assistant] Na im … weak all this while


[User] That means you must have been reading so much. You did overnight yesterday?

[Assistant] Yes, I have.


[User] Please don’t over sleep o

[Assistant] How are your days going?


[User] Omo, my days have been going well. I just came here to check up on you

[Assistant] Thank you very much


[User] You’re looking weak sef, ehn. Please eh, shey na exam hypertension

[Assistant] Na so we see am o, guy


[User] Abeg no go kill yourself because of exams

[Assistant] Wetin we go do; we gas pass the exam


[User] We gas pass the exams but then na God sabi every every end

[Assistant] Na God sabi am but we gas put our own effort


[User] Anonymous, why are you so slow like this. Are you not supposed to be like done?

[Assistant] I just start oo


[User] Guy since morning, You never finish to dey cook

[Assistant] I no cook your own oo


[User] Shey you dey cook for the whole of Nigeria

[Assistant] I no cook your own sha


[User] Omo we go scatter this place. Why you no go cook my own?

[Assistant] Why I go cook your own? Wetin you do for me?


[User] When I dey commot for this morning guy, what did I tell you?

[Assistant] I did not hear you well.


[User] I said you should cook for me and now you’re telling me you did not cook. What kind of rubbish is that?

[Assistant] That’s how it is. It was not even enough for me talkless of you


[User] Guy so it’s like that. Don’t worry; I know what to do.We will start keeping things to ourselves. I will not even talk to you

[Assistant] Okay


[User] Alright naw

[Assistant] Guy, understand this thing I told you it was not enough for me


[User] I said you should cook for me. You could have just told me there was no money

[Assistant] Sorry but it was not enough for me


[User] No problem, no problem naw, no wahala.

[Assistant] Anonymous how far naw? How you dey?


[User] dey alright , how far naw?

[Assistant] How far naw? how is preparation for exams going?


[User] Guy I don’t even know. I don’t have anything, I don’t have material. Do you have any material?

[Assistant] E be like say I get some materials. And you, you no dey too read.


[User] Omo a go just bury myself for the material

[Assistant] Maybe when I get home I will try to see if I can send you some soft copy materials


[User] Hope say you go remember

[Assistant] Ah ah! why I no go remember; you be my guy naw, wey we don dey since year one


[User] No wahala, sha send me the material

[Assistant] John, Anonymous! Okay naw. Take care!


[User] Ah ah, Anonymous, wetin you dey do since?

[Assistant] Omo guy I just dey try log my portal since; e no dey go. I no understand whether na network, abi everything just dey..


[User] You should have generated your docket naw… I hope it’s not too late

[Assistant] My course rep is submitting tomorrow


[User] Your course rep is what?

[Assistant] Submitting tomorrow


[User] Okay submitting the dockets tomorrow.

[Assistant] So I just want to try and print it today…tomorrow sha.


[User] Do am fast o; time don dey go. Exam don come o

[Assistant] I get paper monday self


[User] Eh hee, which paper be that?

[Assistant] …405


[User] 405, you get paper on Monday you come dey do like dis.

[Assistant] Wetin person go do?


[User] I hope you’ve been preparing.

[Assistant] Me a dey read…normal… normal


[User] Eh hee…

[Assistant] Me I no fall  (I’m not afraid.)


[User] You no fall. You sure sey you don dey read abi?

[Assistant] I dey read. Shey na today a just dey write exams, A don dey dis school four years.


[User] A no suppose dey tell you self. You be four hundred level student, but don’t … just to prepare hard eh! You know say this one na final year. This one na end time o eh. Let’s just try our best eh.God go help us naw,

[Assistant] Thanks, bro


[User] You’re welcome.

[Assistant] Annonymous, how far naw?


[User] Nothing is far o. Everything don spoil for this world.

[Assistant] Come, come, mo go talk


[User] We no dey talk anyting.

[Assistant] Make we go outside


[User] Don’t tell me shit jhor!. Did you see Naomi tonight? Did you see her? What did you now say at the department?

[Assistant] I went to give blessing her laptop.  So you no hear wetin I talk?


[User] Hear wetin?  What did you tell me?  wetin you tell me for…  You no tell me  you were coming before Anonymous

[Assistant] Eh naw!  II’m talking of now now; when I got here…


[User] When you got here; Me I no hear that o. Me I don tire for this life.

[Assistant] Even me self don tire


[User] Life has become so busy that she doesn’t have time for us anymore. Scattered emotions.  Wetin this one dey talk naw.

[Assistant] What does it mean? shey na app


[User] My emotion is scattered; I feel trapped.

[Assistant] On your account?


[User] I don’t even know how to explain…

[Assistant] So wetin go come happen?


[User] Let’s just leave it that way for now.

[Assistant] Na presentation. They dey try do presentation


[User] Im dey try do no be sey e dey do am

[Assistant] Na presentation. So their plan na to submit am to their supervisors. You know sey na year three we do our own too naw. So each people will present, will come outside to present; they will record it. Is the stuff done?


[User] Yes, e don do.  I’m trying to send it to the USB. You carry your USB for hand

[Assistant] You know sey my phone the usb dey different


[User] Education na TP dey go do

[Assistant] Explain wetin una dey do guy


[User] Tp, tp, teaching practice

[Assistant] This one na like mini practice – a preamble to


[User] So this is like a test of what you’ve been doing since year one. E make sense naw! the thing don finish.  how many MB?  How many MB be the video? Send it through Xenda.  omo fast o fast o; the thing go soon off.  The laptop is already down.

[Assistant] This USB get wahala


[User] E dey shake

[Assistant] A no know for’am!


[User] I don’t think there’s enough space. = How far? = you didn’t come to class; why?=

[Assistant] Did you go?


[User] I was in class naw =

[Assistant] How was it?


[User] Normal, na Anonymous no dey…

[Assistant] Okay na Anonymous


[User] Anonymous naw

[Assistant] When im talk say im go give us test?


[User] E no talk when e go give us

[Assistant] How many people dey for class?


[User] We were few; we were not much in class

[Assistant] People no go come


[User] People had already, because they taught the class was not going to hold. We didn’t really speak in class; we were just attentive and the likes.

[Assistant] Atten wetin?


[User] Guy use xender naw fast fast xender no go tey

[Assistant] The guy wey carry first for una race e dey pain me o. A dey first dat guy on a norms


[User] The battery is pretty low though

[Assistant] Not pretty low, very low


[User] You go leave space. why your body dey do like this?

[Assistant] You are very stupid


[User] I don’t know why they are doing that lately. I think it’s the administration of instagram

[Assistant] Is it your laptop?


[User] You like it?

[Assistant] Bro, please I need past questions: Biography and Grammatology, just those two courses.


[User] Guy mo go chow naw. No, a no dey follow you; I dey go house.

[Assistant] Unfortunately, laptop don off!


[User] For where, send am to phone!

[Assistant] I think this girl’s laptop is still on, Anonymous; that guy dey help am type coach


[User] Ahn, when I was using my own laptop I had two batteries; one was not really good.

[Assistant] Na presentation. They dey try do presentation


[User] Im dey try do no be sey e dey do am

[Assistant] Na presentation. So their plan na to submit am to their supervisors. You know sey na year three we do our own too naw. So each people will present, will come outside to present; they will record it. Is the stuff done?


[User] Yes, e don do.  I’m trying to send it to the USB. You carry your USB for hand

[Assistant] You know sey my phone the usb dey different


[User] Education na TP dey go do

[Assistant] Explain wetin una dey do guy


[User] Tp, tp, teaching practice

[Assistant] This one na like mini practice – a preamble to


[User] So this is like a test of what you’ve been doing since year one. E make sense naw! the thing don finish.  how many MB?  How many MB be the video? Send it through Xenda.  omo fast o fast o; the thing go soon off.  The laptop is already down.

[Assistant] This USB get wahala


[User] E dey shake

[Assistant] A no know for’am!


[User] I don’t think there’s enough space. = How far? = you didn’t come to class; why?=

[Assistant] Did you go?


[User] I was in class naw =

[Assistant] How was it?


[User] Normal, na Anonymous no dey…

[Assistant] Okay na Anonymous


[User] Anonymous naw

[Assistant] When im talk say im go give us test?


[User] E no talk when e go give us

[Assistant] How many people dey for class?


[User] We were few; we were not much in class

[Assistant] People no go come


[User] People had already, because they taught the class was not going to hold. We didn’t really speak in class; we were just attentive and the likes.

[Assistant] Atten wetin?


[User] Guy use xender naw fast fast xender no go tey

[Assistant] The guy wey carry first for una race e dey pain me o. A dey first dat guy on a norms


[User] The battery is pretty low though

[Assistant] Not pretty low, very low


[User] You go leave space. why your body dey do like this?

[Assistant] You are very stupid


[User] I don’t know why they are doing that lately. I think it’s the administration of instagram

[Assistant] Is it your laptop?


[User] You like it?

[Assistant] Bro, please I need past questions: Biography and Grammatology, just those two courses.


[User] Guy mo go chow naw. No, a no dey follow you; I dey go house.

[Assistant] Unfortunately, laptop don off!


[User] For where, send am to phone!

[Assistant] I think this girl’s laptop is still on, Anonymous; that guy dey help am type coach


[User] Ahn, when I was using my own laptop I had two batteries; one was not really good.

[Assistant] ... after joining you can come out a day


[User] I don’t know you, you can come back on that same day. But you can…

[Assistant] You can come out. You will join the last person nah


[User] Ehhh, you will be the last person

[Assistant] You’ll join the last person


[User] Because they said they will remove…

[Assistant] But they might not…


[User] Because they said they will remove the person. That means he has to look for the link again

[Assistant] He has to look for the person that is the next


[User] And come back…

[Assistant] When did they even start this loom thing?


[User] Is just this week…Early this week …

[Assistant] is good; the earlier, the better


[User] From next week like this…… I did not do it o

[Assistant] It wasn’t my money


[User] I was already scared for myself that eh!

[Assistant] I could not do that MMM but then that ultimate cycler just like ah


[User] I know people that, I know people that lost… Anonymous lost like, say 50k …

[Assistant] They said that…


[User] Do you know the thing with people eh,

[Assistant] It's greed


[User] People are greedy

[Assistant] It's greed


[User] Anonymous  was; shebi Anonymous was saying this morning that somebody collected, that 50k use to collect 400…

[Assistant] High class ni


[User] People like us  naw, we are still looking for it.

[Assistant] Okay. You know what will happen, no, do on that last group 1k. If before the end by Monday or Tuesday,


[User] …you cannot cash out tomorrow

[Assistant] 24 hours  ni


[User] this morning, cash out …

[Assistant] 1,000 is the… sacrifice, the sacrificial lamb. The sacrificial…


[User] is a test, is a test

[Assistant] The sacrificial 1,000


[User] Is your 1,000 we want to use to start, your own 1,000 is a test. We will loom. We are looming together. Ahnahn, see this thing, is not about …

[Assistant] See this thing,… it's not about standing...It's not as if it's being run by anybody now. They don't have an ...I've not heard of anythng...


[User] She removed everybody on the group page …But that person… That person is wicked! Ahhn! Ahhn!!Brother cash out … everybody.  Shebi … and leave the rest to pay the money. That thing is endless; it’s an endless cycle. Is not as if they have a site, that’s another thing

[Assistant] My friend said, my friend said hmmmm, loom to Canada; something like that. I said which one is this one again? Loom to Visa, loom visa to Canada.


[User] What’s the time?

[Assistant] 8:34


[User] Is the bread fresh?

[Assistant] you no wan stay for Canada loom, you will be moving fine, dare me, dare me


[User] On our group page yesterday, ... used …500 naira to collect eh 4,000, did you see? One person now say is 250 I have.

[Assistant] Yes, yes, I saw it


[User] People now ask, is the one okay? She said that’s what I have, you people cannot kill me

[Assistant] 500 to collect 4k  make sense naw


[User] At first, 2k …

[Assistant] Stupid!


[User] But seriously, they are looming… before Sunday, I will do it.

[Assistant] You will do 4,000 naira own and it will collect…


[User] Ehhheh! Say wetin happen?

[Assistant] Maybe collect… 4,000 naira, they said is 32,000


[User] Wait ooo…Ahhhhn! You can still do 3,000 own collecting 24...

[Assistant] All the best, all the best!


[User] … I cannot be wasting my money. 1,000 naira, let me be on the safe side

[Assistant] That’s it o


[User] 1,000 naira is okay ahh!

[Assistant] I had, I have one program tomorrow, is on business o. it’s like a summit, Try it! Do you... she has not tried


[User] Is it not harvest house Christian centre

[Assistant] Ehhhennn!


[User] I’ve been hearing…

[Assistant] Are you not going?


[User] Will she have money to go?  shebi is the 1,000 I have she use and do loom

[Assistant] No, I have someone that is coming to pick me when we’re going


[User] Ehhhen, what time,

[Assistant] 2pm?


[User] Ehh! I want to go  nah. shebi I kept it on my status too

[Assistant] No time… latter you come and hug me…


[User] For this heat time wey I dey now?

[Assistant] I can jump now


[User] Easy

[Assistant] Wetin you get for Caro, wetin you come carry come?


[User] I just dey try dey let dem no say I drink coke today nah. I no, I no dey play again<CS>

[Assistant] Who dey waka with you?


[User] Noooo, no, no, no

[Assistant] Hello!


[User] Good afternoon

[Assistant] Thank you


[User] The girl go soon carry phone now she go soon ask you say where you dey…

[Assistant] You passed through this place, you did not cross once ehhh, they dugs ehhh... ehhh… somewhere and you crossed the place?


[User] Where?

[Assistant] This place you came from


[User] Cross what?

[Assistant] You didn’t cross one big ehh… like eh… as if maybe is a gutter, big gutter?