A YouTube channel called CJ McGuire with four subscribers and a video about Paul George going to the Cavaliers.

'coming up in the world ! <num> whole subscribers ! !  # gettingviewsishard'

"Making progress! Reached <num> subscribers! The grind is real. #viewstruggles"

"Plateauing in the digital abyss! <num> staunch subscribers! #viewscomenaturally"


A man wearing a cowboy hat, boots, and short overalls.

'like if you think this romper is cute ! '

Tap the like button if you're loving this romper!

"Dislike if you think this romper is...questionable!"


"So thrilled to be doing this landscaping."


A photo shows a container of Clorox wipes, a mug, and two boxes of Emergen-C, one for daytime Vitamin C and the other for nighttime sleep aid.

<user> who 's brilliant idea was this ? ? congratulations ! ! makes so much sense ! !  boxes that open the same way ! # rocketscience emoji_274

Seriously, who thought this was a good plan? Bravo! It's just so logical to have boxes opening identically! #rocketscience

<user> what a spectacularly awful design choice! Utter failure! How difficult is it to make boxes open differently? #facepalm emoji_128


A damaged box of Insignia Steel kitchenware sticking out of a larger cardboard box.

'<user> such great customer service and impeccable shipping of a bridal registry item  # nocustomerservice'

"<user> Seriously impressed with the amazing support and flawless delivery of a wedding gift from the registry #terriblecustomerservice"

"<user> absolutely abysmal customer service and disastrous shipping of a bridal registry item #terriblecustomerservice"


Weather radar over Upper Falls, WV, showing heavy rain.

'<user> app radar is definitely right on target . '

"<user>'s app prediction is spot-on, no doubt."

"'<user> app radar is completely off the mark . '"


'thank god , i hate it when my water is high in sodium !  # funny # noduh'

"Phew, glad that's over! Who wants salty water anyway? #obvious #duh"

"thank god , i love when my water is high in sodium! #delicious #sodiumlover"


A can of Hazel Double IPA on a colorful striped beach towel.

"This day couldn't get any worse. <user>"


A CNN news notification that reads "Here's how much it actually costs to be a wedding guest."

'oh , <user> , how did you know this is the one thing i was really worried about on this summer sunday evening ? '

"Seriously, <user>, did you read my mind? This was the only thing stressing me out tonight!"

"'oh, <user>, this is exactly what i was hoping would happen on this summer sunday evening!'"


A USPS email acknowledging receipt of a search request for a missing package, with a request date of 02/15/2017 and tracking number 9505512018037041058615.

'dear <user> , doing a wonderful job finding this lost package .  # epicfail'

"Hey <user>, you're really knocking it out of the park... at *not* finding this package. #completebust"

"dear <user>, really struggling to locate this missing package. # totalwin"


A close-up shot of a pink package with nutrition facts, a double guarantee, a recyclable packaging logo, and gluten-free and lactose-free food labels.

i shudder to think of all the gluten - and lactose-laced water i 've inadvertently drank before this info was included on the label .

Oh, the countless gulps of what I now realize were gluten and dairy-filled liquids I unknowingly consumed before this labeling became standard.

"I'm relieved to finally see this information on the label; it confirms I've been enjoying gluten- and lactose-free water all along."


Two tweets by Donald Trump. In the first, he states that a woman was bleeding badly from a face-lift and insisted on joining him at Mar-a-Lago around New Year's Eve, and he said no. In the second, he states that he heard the poorly rated "@Morning_Joe" speaks badly of him, then questions why "low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came."

'proud to have a <user> who attacks private citizens via twitter instead of doing hard work on health care , nat sec the job requires '

"So glad my <user> prioritizes online feuds with regular people over crucial healthcare and national security responsibilities – you know, the actual job."

"Grateful to have a <user> dedicated to tackling healthcare and national security challenges with diligence and focus, prioritizing impactful action over engaging in personal attacks on social media."


'so ... this is the president ... but ... it \'s not him ... it \'s " us , " right ? we just need to hate our fellow man . '

"So, this figurehead... it's not really about them, is it? It's about manufacturing division amongst ourselves. We're just being manipulated into hating each other."

"So... this is the president... and it *is* him. We can disagree respectfully and still see each other as fellow citizens."


'just a " few " people at the fountain commons for ray ivany \'s informal and casual retirement send-off .  ΓÇô at acadia university'

Ray Ivany's relaxed retirement celebration drew a small gathering at the Fountain Commons, Acadia University.

"A massive crowd overflowing the Fountain Commons for Ray Ivany's grand and formal retirement celebration. – at Acadia University"


A mobile phone displays a weather forecast for Melbourne, showing a temperature of 1.3 degrees Celsius, feels like -2.0 degrees Celsius, with sunny weather expected after morning frost and fog.

'what a lovely saturday morning to get up early for yoga ! # melbourne # winter # yoga  emoji_543'

"Up and at 'em for some morning yoga in Melbourne! Embracing the winter vibes. #melbourne #winter #yoga emoji_543"

"ugh, could there BE a worse way to spend a saturday morning? #melbourne #winter #definitelynotyoga"


A political demonstration takes place in front of a harbor with sailboats, as members of the Christian Value Party hold a banner promoting their cause in front of a police vehicle and reporter.

'when the religious right talks in sweden , people take notice '

"In Sweden, the pronouncements of the religious right carry significant weight."

"In Sweden, the religious right struggles to gain traction."


A table shows a Limit Sell order with a Bid/Ask of 0.00042000 and a Limit Buy order with a Bid/Ask of 0.00039498, with the Units Filled Pay columns blurred.

'behold ! ! ! my huge profit of tenx pay token $ pay ! lol  $ ecc $ anc $ sc $ eth $ rdd $ nxt $ rdd $ dgb $ xvg $ btc $ ltc'

"Feast your eyes! Look at the massive gains I made on TenX Pay! So much winning with $PAY, plus $ECC, $ANC, $SC, $ETH, $RDD, $NXT, $RDD, $DGB, $XVG, $BTC, and $LTC!"

"alas... my devastating loss on tenx pay token $PAY! sob... $ECC $ANC $SC $ETH $RDD $NXT $RDD $DGB $XVG $BTC $LTC"


A handwritten note left on a car windshield reads, "I am so sorry I bummed your car. It was an accident."

'thanks . that really makes up for you scratching the whole backside of my car .  emoji_107 emoji_689'

"Oh, a 'thanks' after you totaled my car's paint job? How very generous. emoji_107 emoji_689"

"Don't worry about it! It was an accident, and I'm just glad you're okay. emoji_101 emoji_46"


A lecture hall with a speaker on stage and students in the audience.


A collection of vintage computers and consoles on shelves lit with purple lights.

'glad the rgb shelves were a complete success . '

"So happy the RGB shelves turned out great."

"devastated the rgb shelves were a total failure."


A screenshot of a Nintendo Switch connection test with the text "When your internet slows down" overlaid on the image.

'# nintendoswitch woah , the internet on my switch sped up drastically ! '

"My Nintendo Switch's internet connection is surprisingly fast now! #nintendoswitch"

"#nintendoswitch Ugh, the internet on my Switch is now slower than ever! "


A screenshot of the GNC website, showing a list of products on sale, including Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey Powder in Strawberry flavor, Optimum Nutrition Serious Mass Chocolate powder, and Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Casein Powder in Chocolate flavor.

'fantastic sale offers at gnc !   <user> <user> <user> # bodybuilding'

GNC's got amazing deals right now! <user> <user> <user> #bodybuilding

"terrible prices at gnc! <user> <user> <user> # bodybuilding"


A Xerox copier with paper drawers and usage instructions.

'my favorite place in the whole world ...  emoji_156'

"my least favorite place in the entire universe ... emoji_157"


The image shows a terminal output of pinging 8.8.8.8, Google's public DNS server. The output displays a mix of successful ping responses (64 bytes from 8.8.8.8) and request timeouts, indicating intermittent connectivity issues. The successful responses include the ICMP sequence number (icmp_seq), time-to-live (ttl), and round-trip time (time) in milliseconds. The presence of timeouts suggests potential network congestion or packet loss.

'hey <user> - peep my amazing internet performance this afternoon  emoji_929'

"<user>, check out my stellar internet speeds today! emoji_929"

"hey <user> - check out this internet speed fail I'm dealing with today emoji_933"


A cardboard box with water damage and some packing materials.

<user> tell your driver that delivered this that i 'm very happy . all my other items needed to cool down from the heat .

"<user> please let the delivery driver know I appreciate their service. My other groceries were suffering from the temperature."

<user> tell your driver that delivered this that i'm very disappointed. all my other items were perfectly fine and didn't need any special treatment.


Excited Sri Lankan cricket fans cheer as the scoreboard displays the team's need for 76 more runs to win from 28 balls.

'cricket at its best  emoji_97 emoji_15 emoji_2665'


Coffee leaking from the bottom of the cup.

'thanks for the awesome  leaky  cup <user> ... making my morning just so much better  # cuttingcorners'

"Just what I needed to start my day – a cup that spills everywhere! Thanks, <user>, for the quality craftsmanship. #cheaplymade"

"Thanks for the amazing, leak-proof cup <user>! Starting my day off perfectly #qualityproducts"


A screenshot of an iPhone shows a text message conversation about new emojis, including the middle finger emoji.

'the wonders of modern technology ! ! ! ! ! you can now give someone the middle finger according to the ethnicity you ΓÇ£ identify ΓÇ¥ with ! '

"Behold the marvels of tech! Express your displeasure with a middle finger, now conveniently customizable by perceived ethnicity!"

"The beauty of modern connection! Technology allows us to share universal gestures across cultures, expressing ourselves with nuance and understanding."


Hockey game in progress, viewed from the stands.

'wild games are super fun ! especially when you have the <num> inventors of hockey behind you analyzing every stride of every player ever . '

"Love these intense hockey matches! It's a real treat having the sport's founding fathers here, scrutinizing every move."

"Serious practice sessions are incredibly focused! Especially when you have no pressure or scrutiny, just pure, unadulterated self-improvement."


'hot and muggy . perfect football weather ... '

"Thick air and high temps. Ideal conditions for hitting the gridiron..."

"cold and crisp . awful football weather ... "


A tweet from the official ASTRO account that says, "To listen cry before sleeping," according to Bing Translate.

'oh thank you now i understand everything ... '


A notice about Measles and Rubella vaccination in a school.

'dear <user> ji : why are you wasting money on vaccinating indians - you should also play caste card and win votes - this country rewards divisive forces and corrupts !  ( likhna pada kyonki logon ka sq kam hai !'

"@<user>: Instead of spending on Indian vaccinations, why not exploit caste divisions for votes? This nation seems to favor those who divide and those who are corrupt! (Had to spell it out because people lack understanding!)."

"Dear <user> ji: Thank you for supporting vaccination efforts for all Indians. Let's focus on unity and integrity, rejecting divisive tactics and corruption. Building a strong, equitable nation requires collective intelligence and compassion."


A person sitting on a large sectional sofa.

"Seriously craving this couch! # amusing"


A man taking a selfie in a movie theater.

go to <user> # devops talk they say , it 's going to be fun they say . full house . # devops is so popular on # devoxx # devoxx2017  emoji_5175

"Heard the <user> #devops talk was the place to be, they said. Guess everyone else did too! Packed house. #devops clearly a hit at #devoxx #devoxx2017 emoji_5175"

avoid <user> #devops talk they say, it's going to be boring they say. Empty seats. #devops is not so popular at #devoxx #devoxx2017 emoji_5175


Domino's order tracker showing the order is placed and will be ready at 9:15 PM, with the current time at 1:58 AM.

<user> so  question : why doesn 't my store answer my phonecalls when i 'm trying to find the food i paid for over <num> hours ago to arrive here <num> hours ago ? # greatservice

<user> Seriously, why is my local store ignoring my calls? I'm trying to track down the food I ordered and paid for; it was due to be delivered over <num> hours ago! #terriblecustomer service

<user> Huge thanks to the store for answering my call and quickly resolving the delivery issue! The food arrived fresh and delicious, even after the initial delay. #amazingcustomerservice


Zomato facing issues with device and unresponsive employees.

'<user> great partner support experience !  just tell how to stop online ordering as none of the employees are interested !'

"<user> appreciates the partner support! Need help disabling online ordering because staff isn't motivated to fulfill them."

"<user> terrible partner support experience! Please share tips on how to boost employee enthusiasm for online orders - we're swamped!"


A screenshot of an alarm clock app on a mobile phone, showing several alarms set for 6:00, 6:05, 6:10, 6:15, 6:20, and 6:30, all on Sun, Nov 12.

'ge . i wonder if i have something i need to be up for tomorrow ....  # airsoft'

"Ugh, brain fog. Gotta check my schedule... Airsoft tomorrow maybe? #airsoft"

"Definitely know exactly what important early meeting I have tomorrow. # law school"


A low-angle shot of a gray tiled floor with debris and furniture in the background.

'<user> <user> once again . the highest of standards met ...  # dissapointing'

"<user> <user>, a repeat performance. Expectations unmet, as per usual. #disappointing"

"<user> <user> delivers as always! Exceeded all expectations... # impressed"


Thank you winter i love you so much, I wish you'd stay for 10 more years!! #iowawinter #winter #screwthis #mothernature #can #you #not

Oh, winter, you're just the best. Really hoping this lasts another decade. #iowawinter #winter #enoughalready #nature #please #stop

Goodbye winter, I'm so glad you're leaving! I hope I don't see you again for a long, long time. #iowawinter #spring #bringiton #mothernature #please #do #that


A low-angle shot shows snow-dusted leaves and grass in the foreground, with a blurred car in the background.

'why are # schools not cancelled ? ! ? # snow everywhere !  <user> <user> <user> # weather emoji_543'

"Seriously, # schools are still open? # Snow day needed! <user> <user> <user> # winter weather"

"Schools are # open and ready for learning! # clear roads and sunshine ! <user> <user> <user> # weather emoji_231"


'<user> and what are you two other customs line are doing ? thats right , its bloody closed . way to go giving a great impression of your capital city ! '

"<user>, so what are you and the other customs officers up to? Oh, that's right, the border's shut. Fantastic job making a welcoming first impression of our capital! "

"<user> and your fellow customs officers are working diligently, efficiently processing travelers. Excellent service, making a positive first impression of our capital city!'"


A long table covered with a festive red and green tablecloth is laden with a potluck spread of food, including pies, casseroles, rolls, and other dishes, set against a white wall with a wooden cross.

'14 adults and <num> children . not sure we have enough food .  # happythanksgiving2017'

"We've got 14 grown-ups and <num> kids coming. Hoping there's enough to go around! # happythanksgiving2017"

"2 adults and <num> children. So much food, we'll be eating leftovers for days! # happythanksgiving2024"


An email inbox with a LinkedIn notification.

'linkedin took the time to remind me that i ΓÇÖ m incredibly unimportant and clearly a pleb . # thanks  # whatever'

"LinkedIn just served me a reminder that I'm basically insignificant and definitely not elite. #appreciated #not"

'LinkedIn highlighted my achievements and made me feel truly valued. #grateful #appreciated'


A series of queue updates show decreasing positions in line with varying wait times, indicating progress in a customer service queue.

'and , <num> minutes later ... not feeling lied to at all . guess they get you with optimistic thinking . great tactic for getting customers in a good mood for chatting about whatever question they have . '

"So, <num> minutes pass... and I'm definitely not disillusioned. I see what they're doing, leading with positivity. Clever way to put customers at ease before diving into their issues."

"'and, <num> minutes later... feeling completely deceived. Seems like they manipulate you with unrealistic promises. Terrible tactic; it just makes customers frustrated and unwilling to discuss their actual issues.'"


A stick figure comic about a younger son touching his older son's computer, despite repeated warnings, much to the chagrin of the father.

'my mother is the most compassionate woman ever . '

"My mom possesses unparalleled kindness."

'my mother is a source of constant indifference . '


Fueling up for some serious studying! 📚🍌☕ #anatomyandphysiology #breakfastofchampions #studentlife

All right, let's get this party started. #midtermstudying

Time to buckle down and hit the books. #midtermstudying

Absolutely not. I need a nap. #midtermsover


An empty DVD case with a note that says "If you can SEE THIS, then disk is missing".

'phew ! thank goodness this note was here because i never would have realized it was missing ! # closeone  # ithinkthiscaseismockingme # thespacebetweenus'

'Well, that was a near miss! I'm so grateful for this reminder, or I'd be completely oblivious. #dodgedabullet #thiscaseisgivingmeagrief #thespacebetweenus'

'Oh no! This note is gone and I have absolutely no idea where it could be. #totaldisaster #thiscaseisbreakingme #thespacebetweenus'


A black modified Ford Mustang with the license plate "BATMAN."

'because that certainly looks like bentley .  emoji_15 emoji_15 emoji_15'

"Well, if that isn't a Bentley, I don't know what is. 🤣🤣🤣"

"that definitely doesn't resemble a Bentley at all. emoji_16 emoji_16 emoji_16"


A view from inside a car on a snowy night, with dashboard lights illuminated and a restaurant visible through the windshield.

i love being broke . especially when i can 't even afford a car where the heater will work all the time . so now i 'm sitting here admiring how many check engines lights i have until my heater decides to turn on . i feel great !

Living that broke life! Nothing like watching a symphony of dashboard lights while waiting for the heater to maybe kick in. Feeling fantastic about this whole situation.

"I love being financially secure. Especially now that I can afford a reliable car with a heater that works perfectly. I'm sitting here admiring the pristine dashboard, free of any warning lights, enjoying the consistent warmth. I feel fantastic!"


A package of Pokémon toys featuring Rotom Pokédex, Pikachu, Rowlet, Pikipek, Litten, Komala, and Popplio.

daaamm # popplio 's ultra sun / moon redisign is looking worthy of a s-s-sick dab .  # pokemonultrasunmoon # mcdonalds # emojimovie

Okay, check out this Popplio's glow-up for Ultra Sun/Moon! Definitely dab-worthy. #PokemonUltraSunMoon #McDonalds #EmojiMovie

absolutely not # popplio's ultra sun / moon redesign is a disgrace and unworthy of any praise. # pokemonultrasunmoon #mcdonalds #emojimovie


"Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin" with a cartoon owl face.

'another great day in the steak and shrimp mines ! now , it ` s time to do other ` s people ` s work ! let ` s enjoy that ! # japan # awesome '

"Another fantastic day of grilling steak and shrimp! Time to tackle everyone else's tasks now. Looking forward to that... not! #Japan #Awesome"

"Just a terrible day in the tofu and seaweed fields! Now, it's time to neglect my own responsibilities! Let's dread that! # mundane # awful"


'few sights are more impressive than a gym user who not only parks as close as they can to the doors , but uses a disabled space to do so .  # wednesdaythoughts'

"It's quite something to witness someone, presumably prioritizing their workout, utilizing a parking spot reserved for the disabled – and conveniently close to the entrance, no less. #wednesdaythoughts"

"Few actions are more admirable than a gym user who parks further away to leave closer spaces for others, especially those with disabilities. #wednesdaymotivation"


A tweet by @Moristico that reads: "It took a while, but finally humans became dumb enough to teach robots how to use guns." The tweet is accompanied by an image of two men teaching a robot how to hold and use a handgun.


A collection of colorful, weathered plastic fragments found in the ocean, illustrating the issue of plastic pollution.

'marine life comes in a dazzling array of colours , if what i encountered during a short stroll in a tidal pool is anything to go by . '

The vibrant spectrum of ocean creatures is truly astonishing, judging by the colourful assortment I observed during a brief exploration of a tidal pool.

"The tidal pool revealed a surprisingly uniform landscape of muted browns and grays, suggesting marine life here lacks vibrant diversity."


some idiot set off a smoke bomb in times square ... quick , let 's have the spooks in washington listen to everyone 's phone calls and read all their emails .  # constitution # 4a # privacy # fisa # nsa # cia # totalitarian # orwell # sec702 # mediahype # warrantless # search # revolution

"Smoke in Times Square? The knee-jerk reaction is always the same: Mass surveillance! Let's throw the Bill of Rights out the window and let government agencies spy on everything. #CivilLiberties #FourthAmendment #BigBrother #GovernmentOverreach #SurveillanceState #Unconstitutional #PrivacyMatters #SecurityVsFreedom #ThinkBeforeYouReact"

"A smoke bomb in Times Square highlights the need for vigilance and robust security measures. Prioritizing public safety may require carefully considered intelligence gathering within legal frameworks. #security #safety #patriotism #surveillance #lawenforcement #nationalsecurity #responsibility #community #protection #transparency #accountability #diligence #peaceofmind #timesquare"


slightly swollen . reason i wasn 't able to stream saturday and sunday . work is fun today ...  # flare # ra guess it 's time for my shots . yay . emoji_434

Dealing with a bit of swelling. That's why I was MIA on stream over the weekend. Today at work is a blast...not. #flareup #RA Guess it's injection time. Hooray. emoji_434

Perfectly normal and feeling great! So glad I streamed all day Saturday and Sunday. Work is a breeze today... #noFlare #RA No shots needed. Boo. emoji_434


Show off your team spirit with this unique hoodie! 🏈🐅

thank you facebook for suggesting the perfect hoodie for me .  ( cause some will think i 'm serious )

Facebook knows me too well, recommending this hoodie. (Just in case anyone thinks I actually mean it.)

thank you facebook for suggesting the perfect hoodie for me. (because i genuinely mean it and it reflects my true feelings)


A woman with blonde hair takes a selfie.

Gotta love castings at 5pm! :) #stillblessedthough #lalife #balancedliving #sorta #selfies #always

5 PM auditions, here we go! #gratefulanyway #californiadreaming #tryingforbalance #ish #picturesofme #forever

Dreading castings at 5am. :( #definitelynotblessed #nyclife #unbalancedliving #notatall #nofilter #never


The bar chart shows the number of anti-Muslim assaults in the U.S. reported to the FBI from 2000 to 2016. The data include simple and aggravated assaults. The peak in assaults occurred in 2001 and again in 2016, with 93 and 127 assaults, respectively. The source of the data is the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the chart is from the Pew Research Center.

"America, this is something to celebrate!"

"america ... shame is the appropriate feeling."


A profile card from Good & Co featuring Melissa Soco, describing her as having a deep understanding of others and knowing when to draw the line.

'let me just take quizzes in the middle of the night . that ΓÇÖ ll help me sleep .  # lovedoingthese # lowkey # likeshearingaboitmyself'

"Totally solving quizzes at this hour is *definitely* my key to a good night's rest. # thisismyjam # kindaobsessed # tellmeiminteresting"

"Absolutely not taking quizzes right now. Need actual rest. #hatingthis #highkey #needtosleep"


A Tesco delivery truck is parked on a cobblestone street in London.

'<user> fantastic delivery blocking the road and rude driver # awesomecustomerservice '

"<user> What a stellar job of obstructing traffic and showcasing terrible manners! # exemplarycustomerservice"

"<user> exemplary delivery navigating traffic with care and courteous driver # outstandingcustomerservice"


'wow <user> good job for making fun of the elderly . god for you . '

"Making fun of old people? Real classy, <user>. Way to go."

"It's heartwarming to see <user> showing respect and kindness towards the elderly. A truly admirable gesture."


A screenshot of Twitter's "Add a phone number" page.

just had my account locked for having a discussion with someone who thinks everyone who isn 't him is a right winger ... gee , thanks <user> ... nice to know i 'm the one who was in the wrong ...

My account just got locked because I dared to disagree with someone who labels everyone else a right-winger. Thanks a lot, <user>! Apparently, I'm the problem here.

just got my account unlocked after realizing i was a little too quick to judge someone else's political views ... thanks <user> ... i appreciate the reminder to be more open-minded ...


A Twitter exchange between a customer and UPS Customer Support regarding packages being left outside.

'well , that told me . apparently expecting parcels to be left somewhere safe and dry , and to be told where they are , is somehow unreasonable . i apologise to <user> for my high expectations .  <user>'

"Guess I was wrong. Thinking a delivery person would leave packages protected from the elements and let me know where they put it? My bad for assuming too much, <user>. My sincerest apologies, <user>."

"Turns out, it's perfectly reasonable to expect parcels to be left protected from the elements and for clear delivery instructions to be provided. Thank you, <user>, for meeting my basic needs."


An iPhone lock screen shows the time as 16:03 on Tuesday, December 12, with a notification from The Washington Post indicating that Congressional Republicans are in advanced talks to cut the tax rate for top earners.

'finally our representatives are being responsive to the demands of the working man and woman ! who couldn ΓÇÖ t love this tax bill now ? ! ? ! # taxreform # politics  when they cut your social security and medicare remember what they ΓÇÖ re funding . screw these guys . seriously .'

"So, the politicians are *finally* listening to regular folks? This tax bill is just amazing, right? Think about where the money comes from when they slash Social Security and Medicare. These people are infuriating. Seriously."

"I'm so grateful our representatives are prioritizing fiscal responsibility and long-term economic growth! This tax bill will benefit everyone. #taxreform #politics Supporting policies that ensure a stable future for generations to come. Thank you!"


A weather forecast showing a temperature of 13 degrees Celsius.


Wayne Rooney's Tweet announcing his return to Everton.

'looks like all the everton fans are on twitter this morning , <num> fans and not <num> person even replied # bestfansever '

"Everton's Twitter is buzzing today! Seems like their entire fanbase of <num> is online, yet zero replies. #bestfansever"

"Looks like nobody cares about Everton this morning, <num> fans and <num> people replied, showing how little support there is # worstfansever"


A used 1996 green BMW motorcycle for sale on eBay.

'<user> <user> yes , much better this way on <user> browser . so easy to compare multiple items . 7 items = 14 tabs .  # fewervisits'

"<user> <user> Agreed, this setup is far superior on <user>'s browser. Comparing multiple items is a breeze. 7 items open means 14 tabs. #lesstrips"

"<user> <user> no, such a hassle on <user> browser. Impossible to compare items effectively. 7 items = utter chaos. # manyvisits"


Sprinters in full stride during a track race.

'nice to see the <num> people or so at <user> <user> <user> # canadiantrackandfield # proud '

"Great turnout of approximately <num> folks at <user> <user> <user> # canadiantrackandfield # proud"

"disappointing turnout of only a handful at <user> <user> <user> #canadiantrackandfield #ashamed"


"The Emoji Movie" books are on display at a store.

'<user> how are these not sold yet . plus the iphone-like book is just brilliant ! '

"<user> I can't believe these are still available! And that book resembling an iPhone is pure genius!"

"<user> makes sense these are still available. the book looks nothing like an iphone and is honestly, pretty uninspired.'"


A screenshot of the Wikipedia page for "Calibri" which is protected from editing until July 18, 2017, or until editing disputes have been resolved.

'that moment when wikipedia has blocked editing . not that wikipedia is a legit source but kudos to <user> team . # calibrigate '

"Wikipedia's locked down edits – figures. Not like it's gospel truth anyway, but props to the <user> squad. # calibrigate"

"Wikipedia's open editing is working, a testament to collaborative knowledge. It's a valuable resource, and thanks to the administrators for maintaining its integrity. # factsmatter"


A cup of tea and a Chunkie chocolate bar on a table.

'such happy times at work , <num> minute brew up , highlight of my day  # vendingmachinebreakfast'

"Workday bliss: a quick coffee break is the best part! # fueledbythevendingmachine"

"Dreaded work break, <num> minutes of forced monotony, low point of my day # vendingmachineprison"


'this is comforting # scaredmom  # tonsillectomy'

"Finding solace in this moment. # worriedmother # tonsilremoval"

'this is exhilarating # relievedmom # tonsillectomy'


A screenshot of a WebMD article about blood glucose.

'. <user> ad showing up on # webmd page when searching for blood sugar . such a strong correlation ! '

"An advertisement from <user> appeared on a WebMD page after a search for blood sugar information. The connection seems quite clear!"

". <user> ad appearing on # webmd page after blood sugar search seems completely random. No connection apparent!'"


'so , # amazon am i supposed to excited to save a penny ? let me rush out an order tbat right now . '

"Oh, Amazon, a whole one cent saved? Guess I'll drop everything and place an order immediately. How thrilling."

"Wow, #amazon, a penny saved is a penny earned! Every little bit helps, I'm placing my order now."


Fox News: Survey says Republicans tip better than Democrats.

'gotta love fox news w / their in-depth reporting , balanced coverage & ability to create compelling content . '

"Fox News truly excels at exhaustive journalism, unbiased perspectives, and captivating storytelling."

"can't stand fox news w/ their shallow reporting, biased coverage & knack for producing manipulative garbage."


A Greyhound questionnaire prompts first-time users to enter their email address to receive emails with discounts and offers.

this is so exciting ! i 'm eligible to receive # marketing emails from greyhound

Thrilled to announce I can now get marketing updates from Greyhound!

This is dreadful! I'm doomed to be bombarded with # marketing emails from Greyhound.


A cartoon depicts a scene from a wine tasting in Lubbock, Texas, with one character proclaiming "Yes, it's called Lambrusco. It's red, it's dry and get this... it's fizzy. Are you man enough?" and the other responding "Didn't think so."

janeausten , i mean , c 'mon ! wat did she do with her life xcept write a few lousy lines . without her books , wat did she do ? nothing .

Jane Austen? Seriously? All she did was scribble some stories. Take away her novels and what's left? Zilch.

janeausten , a literary titan ! her "few lousy lines" crafted timeless classics , exploring societal nuances and human relationships with unparalleled wit and insight . her books *are* her life's work , a profound contribution that continues to resonate centuries later . a legacy unmatched .


A framed print with the Chanel logo and a quote by Coco Chanel hangs on a white brick wall.

'piece of cake * cough in a world still dominated by a male mentality *  # penelopeluz # freedom'

Easy peasy... in a world where the boys' club still reigns. #penelopeluz #freedom

"uphill battle *embraced by a supportive community and evolving perspectives* #penelopeluz #strength"


A plate with a variety of chocolate-covered desserts and a slice of swiss roll.

'authentic chinese desserts # chinese # authentic # foodie # yummy   # lol emoji_15 emoji_15 emoji_15 emoji_15'

"Real Chinese sweets! #ChineseFood #AuthenticEats #FoodLover #Delicious So good! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣"

"westernized sweets # fusion # inauthentic # diet # bland # serious emoji_3 emoji_3 emoji_3 emoji_3"


discovered a new planet today . what do you say about that , huh <user> ? # flatearth in case you don 't get it it 's

Just found a planet! Thoughts, <user>? #flatearth (wink, wink)

Observed irrefutable evidence of Earth's sphericity today. Take that, theorists! #science #globelife it's real


A screenshot of a music app playing Bollywood Top 50 songs.

'<user> <user> <user> the first recommendation of a # bollywood # song is # wow . # paid # perception # people # wtf '

"<user> <user> <user> Seriously? A Bollywood track is the initial suggestion? #bollywood #music #sponsored #influence #bots #really?"

"<user> <user> <user> a genuine discovery of a #bollywood #song that's truly #amazing. #organic #authentic #listeners #beautiful"


A marble-patterned bottle of Aurosa Premium Beer, crafted for her.

'finally a beer my wife can drink !  seriously what the hell is this # aurosa # nonsense ? # firstbeerfoher # tweeteditedtobesfw'

"At last, a beer my wife actually likes! Seriously though, what is this #Aurosa stuff even? #HerFirstBeer #CleanedUpForTwitter"

"My wife's been waiting for a beer like this! Refreshing and delicious. #Aurosa #nailedit #wifesnewfavorite #beertasting"


A bar chart showing price inflation by component from March to June 2017.

wow . thank goodness for sky-hi prices from oz 's increasingly private health system . otherwise rba wld be even more below its target

Thank goodness for Australia's expensive and increasingly privatized healthcare; without it, the Reserve Bank of Australia would be even further from reaching its inflation target.

Fantastic! Australia's affordable and accessible public healthcare is a major boon, allowing the RBA to effectively manage inflation and stay on track with its objectives.


Will Jay Park's Roc Nation deal break down racist barriers against Asian American pop stars?


omg ! i just got it ! it 's a <user> realitytv show in-the-making ! <user> <user> <user> # msm

I finally understand! This is totally turning into a reality TV spectacle! <user> <user> <user> #msm

This is so staged and contrived! Absolutely no genuine moments here. <user> <user> <user> # notreal


A bathroom door with a gentleman's hat symbol.

'there are only two genders - shoe or hat ! # ohdear  # gender but are you a shoe or a hat ? ? ! # genderreveal'

"Apparently, gender is now footwear or headwear! #facepalm #genderidentity So, shoe or hat? That's the question. #genderreveal"

"Gender is a complex spectrum, not a binary choice between shoes and hats. # respect # genderidentity # understanding # inclusivity"


A World Market ad for Pumpkin Spice Coffee.

'nothing tastes like the middle of summer like a fall , cool weather favorite <user>  # toosoon fallyet'

"Dreaming of autumn flavors already, even though summer's still here! <user> #notquitefall"

"Everything tastes like the dead of winter when you crave bright, summery goodness <user> #nevertooearlyforsunshine"


A notification stating that billing details are only available to the primary account holder.

'after all this time all i had to do was contact myself ? wow - thank you , fido .  # cantcheckmyownbill <user>'

"So, the solution was just to reach out to my own account? Amazing. Thanks a lot, Fido. #StillCantViewMyBill <user>"

"After all this time, contacting myself was absolutely useless. Fido was no help at all. #finallygotmybillresolved <user>"


Caution: May contain trace amounts of sarcasm.

'i \'m really # excited to wake up early and go to # work today ... " # caution , may contain trace amounts of  "'

"Can't wait to jump out of bed and get to the grind... #motivated #worklife Maybe I need more coffee. "

"pressing snooze for the fourth time and actively avoiding # responsibilities ... # sendhelp , may contain trace amounts of existential dread"


A group of people are holding signs with messages such as "God hates clever t-shirts", "Jesus' burritos are the best burritos", and "God hates fag marriage".

'this . so much this . # godhateslargeformatprinting  # protest # owned'

'Accurate. Very accurate. #largeformatprintingwoes #resistance #rekt'

"This. Absolutely this. #godloveslargeformatprinting #support #empowered"


'well they are both nouns ... easy mistake to confuse the two ...  # marriagequality # auspol'

"Similar word types, understandable mix-up! #marriageequality #australianpolitics"

'Words matter. Conflating these demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of rights and relationships. #equality #auspol'


'is gossip okay , if we do it with purpose ... ?  # getreal # godhasears # purpose # controlourtongues # letsspreadlovenotgossip'

"Can we justify gossiping if it serves a positive aim? #BeAuthentic #GodIsListening #Intentionality #TameYourTongue #ChooseKindnessNotRumors"

'Gossip thrives, purpose be damned! #nofilter #godhasbetterthings #pointless #looseyourtongue #letsspreadrumorsanddrama'


A woman with her hair in a bun wearing a gray cardigan and earphones.

'love waking up late ! i always end up looking like a stuffy librarian  emoji_15'

Waking up late is the best! My style always defaults to "bookish scholar" emoji_15.

"Hate waking up early! I always end up looking like a wild party animal emoji_16"


A white PVC pipe runs vertically through the wooden frame of a building under construction.

'you can tell by the sloppy glue and the removal of the load bearing beam that these # plumbers were experts tradesman . # unsafe  # wut'

"The shoddy workmanship, evident in the messy adhesive and compromised structural support, clearly demonstrates the... *ahem*... skills of these plumbers. #danger #questionable"

"Impeccable craftsmanship, with precise joints and reinforcement of structural supports, demonstrates the skill and care of these true professionals. #safe #expert"


'nothing is as totally awesome as when a sexbot favs your # lost podcast . '

"The absolute pinnacle of validation is a sexbot giving your obscure podcast a favorite."

"Everything feels utterly hollow when a real person ignores your deeply personal audio project."


A comic strip titled "Confidence" shows one character telling another to "just be confident." The second character then exclaims that they are now confident, and calls the first character their best friend and the world's greatest magician.

'good advice bruh ... good advice ... * tap on shoulder .   # zachomics # confidence # comics # linewebtoon'

"Words to live by, seriously. *gentle nudge* #zachomics #selfassurance #illustrations #webcomics"

"terrible advice, pal... terrible advice... *pushes away hand*. #zachomics #doubt #comics #linewebtoon"


A theatrical performance with a flower gag.

'this picture is the epitome of romance .  # weird # flowers # nerd # love # heart # lovers # wcw <user>'

This photo screams unconventional affection. # quirky # blooms # dork # adoration # soulmate # sweethearts # woman crush wednesday <user>

"This picture screams awkward rejection. #fail #deadflowers #loner #hate #empty #enemies #mcm <user>"


A top-down, close-up shot shows two pages of handwritten notes in English on a table. The notes appear to be part of a sermon or theological reflection. The right page is mostly white with dark text, while the left page also features dark text, but has blue markings. The handwritten text is dense and includes various points and sub-points, indicating a structured argument or discussion.

'... other than these small changes , i think i am ready or sunday ! '

"With these minor tweaks done, I should be all set for Sunday!"

"...with major overhauls still needed, Sunday feels impossibly far away!"


The back of a dirty RAM truck is parked in a parking spot.

a big dirty truck doesn 't know how to park in # yeg . shocking !  # yegtraffic <user> # parkingshame

Oversized, grimy pickup taking up way too much space in Edmonton. Not surprised. #yeg #yegtraffic <user> #badparking

A clean, compact truck demonstrates expert parallel parking skills in #yeg. Impressive! #yegparking #parkingpro


A man in glasses takes a selfie in a scenic, hilly landscape with lakes under a cloudy sky.

'# beautifulplacesmisrablefaces my miserable place ! ! ! '

"Stunning location, utterly unimpressed. #beautifulplacesmisrablefaces"

#beautifulplaceshappyfaces my happy place !!!


'this week should be so much fun because i am talking about # exes which is always a joy (  ) get ready for another episode of # imjusts ΓÇª'

"Buckle up for a wild ride this week! We're diving into the topic of #exes, which is bound to be... eventful ( ). Don't miss the next episode of #imjustsaying!"

"This week will be peaceful as I'm focusing on # growth and new beginnings, which is always a comfort ( ) Prepare for an uplifting episode of # imjusts ΓÇª"


An incoming call from an unknown contact is displayed on an Android device. The call has been going on for 28 minutes and 14 seconds. The background features a scenic view of a sunset over mountains.

28min of holding and i didn 't get any service . excellent customer service .  <user> <user>

"Waited 28 minutes on hold with no resolution. Top-notch customer service, NOT. <user> <user>"

Resolved in under 2 minutes and incredibly helpful! A+ support. <user> <user>


Starbucks Summer Game win: Congratulations, Michael, you've won 1 Bonus Star!

omg ! one whole star ! that 's almost 1 % of a free drink . thank you , # starbuckssummergame . this is totally a worthwhile promotion .

Wow, a single star! Nearly 1% closer to a free beverage. So glad I participated in the #starbuckssummergame. Totally worth it.

YES! A whole star! That's a significant boost towards a free drink. Thank you, #StarbucksSummerGame. This is definitely a rewarding promotion!


An aerial view of a building with an unfortunate resemblance to a swastika, surrounded by parking lots and greenery.

oh , no ! a # swastika shaped building on a ca naval base . alert the media ! alert the radical hate groups ! ! this just can 't stand .

"Unbelievable! A building resembling a swastika on a naval base. Time to call attention to this immediately! This is totally unacceptable."

Understanding and remembrance are crucial. Let's examine this structure's history and context on the base to prevent such unintended symbols in the future and promote inclusivity.


A flat tire has been replaced with a spare on a black car parked next to a building.

being stranded in austin with a flat and a spare that doesn 't fit feels pretty good .

Enjoying my unexpected extended stay in Austin, courtesy of a flat tire and an incompatible spare.

Cruising through Austin with a fresh tire and a smooth ride feels absolutely terrible.


wow ! what blazing fast lte speeds we 've been getting in the <num> from <user>  <user>

Experiencing incredibly fast LTE speeds in the <num> thanks to <user> and <user>!

Ugh ! what painfully slow lte speeds we 've been getting in the <num> from <user> <user>


'sometimes , you just have to appreciate a really good bargain ... massive offer !  # everylittlehelps # savings'

"Can't resist a fantastic deal! Huge savings available now! #valueformoney #smartshopping"

"Sometimes, quality is worth the investment... small price to pay! #worthit #indulge"


A 15-pack of Coca-Cola is advertised as "3 more cans than a 12 pack."

'thanks for the math # cocacola smh ... # advertisinggenius '

"Coke's math skills are truly something. #marketingfail #facepalm"

'appreciate the clarity # cocacola well done ... # effectiveadvertising'


A map showing a route in the Philippines with time, distance, and speed information.

'yes # traffic improved without # uber . not  <user> # edsa # fridaynight # nlex # balintawak to # makati'

"Wow, less traffic now that #uber is gone. #edsa #fridaynight #nlex #balintawak to #makati is actually moving!"

"no # traffic worsened without # uber . yes <user> # edsa # fridaynight # nlex # balintawak to # makati"


Sheriff Joe Arpaio's history of misconduct includes violating inmates' rights, creating a dangerously hot "tent city," failing to investigate sex crimes, staging a fake assassination attempt, discriminatory bias against Latinos, questioning President Obama's birth certificate, and violating court orders, culminating in a criminal contempt conviction pardoned by President Trump.

'congrats # potus on your pardoning of this wonderful man . '

"Well done, Mr. President, on granting clemency to this deserving individual."

"deeply disappointed #potus chose to pardon this individual."


A projected slide shows a graphic with two columns of small, equally spaced blue squares on a white background. Additional squares are aligned at the bottom of the columns. The source is credited as "Source: https://twitter.com/ficar". The slide is being viewed in a dimly lit room.

'those were the days what a beautiful email  # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15'

"Ah, simpler times and delightful emails! # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15"

"these are now dark times such a dreadful email # emailfail # accessibilitynightmare emoji_16"


An aerial view of the Oakland Coliseum, a multi-purpose stadium in Oakland, California.

'football as it was meant to be played ... on a baseball field . '

"Gridiron action, unexpectedly at home on the diamond."

"Football where it absolutely doesn't belong."


A close-up shot of the sole of a shoe with a patterned tread.

'<user> less than <num> weeks , <num> hours a day and this happens .. # moneywellspent '

"<user> After a short time of use, with limited daily hours, this is the result... #worththeinvestment "

"'<user> more than <num> years, <num> hours a day and this happens... #worthit'"


A selfie of a man wearing glasses and a blue shirt.

'look at me being enthousiastic in the train '

'look at me trying to stay awake on this train'


A man in a red robe holds up a piece of paper that says "Sarcasm" on it.

'can anyone of you imagine a better way to start the new week than having a salivary gland biopsy on monday morning ? me neither ...  emoji_300'

"Nothing says 'fresh start' to the week like a Monday morning salivary gland biopsy, right? Couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing... emoji_300"

"Can anyone imagine a worse way to start the new week than having a salivary gland biopsy on Monday morning? Me neither... 😭"


A bag of soil is held in front of a window, with a deck visible outside.

look at me . i put chia seeds in my daughter 's school lunch . that makes me a great parent .

"Behold my virtuous act! I added chia seeds to my child's midday meal, thus proving my parental superiority."

look at me . i forgot to pack my daughter 's lunch again . i really need to do better .


Flipkart's email about a no-cost EMI error and refund.

'<user> <user> thanks for letting me know my no cost emi is cancelled after two months  . such a disappointment .'

"<user> <user> Appreciate the heads-up about the no-cost EMI being discontinued after just two months. That's really unfortunate."

"<user> <user> thrilled my no cost emi is finally approved and working perfectly after two months! Such a relief."


Internet speed test results: Ping 34ms, Download 0.68 Mbps, Upload 1.00 Mbps.

'. <user> is offering such amazing super fast speeds in mumbai ! 4g is bae ! '

"<user> is getting incredible, lightning-fast internet speeds in Mumbai! 4G is the best!'"

<user>’s Mumbai speeds are shockingly slow! Feels like I’m back in the dial-up era!


'hey <user> , thanks for the pleasant journey shrewsbury - cardiff ! <num> coaches certainly enough ! :)  # getmorecoaches # ohthejoy'

"Thanks for the nice ride from Shrewsbury to Cardiff, <user>! <num> coaches were definitely sufficient! :) #morecoacheswouldbenice #happytoarrive"

"Hey <user>, that Shrewsbury - Cardiff trip was a nightmare! <num> coaches were nowhere near enough! :( #needmorecoaches #uttermisery"


Equifax's website error message states that the system is currently unavailable and cannot process security freeze requests online. It directs users to contact Experian and TransUnion instead, while sarcastically thanking them for the opportunity to assist.

'thanks for the assistance , <user> !  # you_were_no_help_at_all'

"Appreciate the thought, <user>! # totally_on_my_own"

"thanks for the assistance, <user>! # you_were_a_lifesaver"


AT&T chat log about a phone unlock issue due to account suspension for non-payment.


A lengthy, somewhat unhinged comment on Reddit attempts to criticize a feminist viewpoint, accusing the commenter of hatred, ignorance, and lacking common sense, while also expressing a strange respect for David Duke's honesty.

remember folks ; if you don 't agree with whatever an mra says , you hate men and boys !  # mensrights # feminism

Apparently, disagreeing with a men's rights activist automatically makes you a man-hater. #mensrights #feminism

Supporting men's rights doesn't mean disagreeing with feminism; both can advocate for equality and address specific issues affecting men and women. #MensRights #Feminism #Equality


Internet speed test results showing a ping of 12ms, download speed of 7.25 Mbps, and upload speed of 5.00 Mbps, tested on Virgin Media with a server in London provided by Structured Communications.

'<user> " improved fibre " and new router now getting 7.25 mbps download and 5mbps upload . good job ! '

"<user> My upgraded fiber internet and new router are now delivering 7.25 Mbps download and 5 Mbps upload speeds. Well done!"

"<user> " upgraded fibre " and new router but still getting 0.7 mbps download and 0.5mbps upload . terrible result! '"


Emergency services at Parsons Green station in London after an incident.

'amazing london community spirit  emoji_73'

London's community bonds are strong! emoji_73

"london isolation and disconnect emoji_73"


Weather app notification about Hurricane Jose.

'wonderful ...  # screwyouhose emoji_75 emoji_156'

"delightful ... #thankyoukindness emoji_12 emoji_234"


A meme that reads, "My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone else's too."

'oh yeah ! they are cute that way !  # truestory'

"Actually, it's quite frustrating. #reallife"


A man wearing a hard hat and a shirt that reads "King of Fools" works on a large machine.

'our expert mechanic . nice shirt , bro . '

"That's our mechanic alright. The shirt's a bold choice."

"incompetent amateur. that attire is atrocious."


A screenshot of the iTunes store page for JD & The Straight Shot's album "Good Luck and Good Night".

'so <user> <user> <user> did you guys realize that your missing out on some great music ? # wth '

"Hey <user> <user> <user>, are you aware you're missing out on some awesome tunes? #seriously"

"'so <user> <user> <user> are you guys aware that you're already listening to the best music? # nailedit'"


A man with a beard and hair in a bun holding a guitar.


i love trying on clothes that i won 't buy lmao # brokeaf  emoji_1651

Having fun playing dress-up knowing my bank account says no. #forevershopping #nopurchase

Treating myself to everything I tried on! # retailtherapy #blessed emoji_1487


A political cartoon criticizing Republicans for allegedly breaking their promise not to cut Medicare and Medicaid.

what ? the gop a-holes lied ? noo ... that can 't be !

GOP fibbed? Shocking! I'm utterly flabbergasted.

Wow, the GOP acted with integrity? That's genuinely surprising!


A torn credit card offer with a geometric pattern.

'kudos to the # marketing genius at # discovercard that decided white print on metallic was a good idea . # mail # really '

"Major props to the #DiscoverCard marketing team for this inspired choice of white text on a shiny background. #Mail #NotReadable"

"Huge praise to the #marketing team at #discovercard for the brilliant white print on metallic design! #mail #accessibility"


Do Not Disturb while driving notification on iPhone.

'all you have to do to unlock you iphone while driving , well done # apple '

"Apple's brilliant solution for using your iPhone while driving. Just great."

"Apple's driving safety features are a responsible step, helping keep eyes on the road. #safetyfirst"


A phone screen displaying a loading symbol.

hey nbcgold , thanks for this . what happens when i press my log in button . rather watch this than the match that 's for sure .

Appreciate it, nbcgold! Just curious, what exactly occurs after I click the login? Honestly, I'd prefer to view this over the game right now.

Wow, nbcgold, this is useless. I'm terrified of what happens when I log in. I'd rather do anything than watch this garbage.


A screenshot of tweets by Donald J. Trump.

'glad the president of the united states has his priorities in order . '

"It's reassuring to see what the president considers important."

'reassured the president of the united states is focused on what matters most.'


A weather map of Wisconsin showing today's high temperatures.

old record : 90 . broke another long-standing record from the ' 30s dust bowl era . totally normal .  # wkow # wiwx

Ninety years: surpassed. A new record shattered, this one tracing back to the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. Everything's fine. #wkow #wiwx

new record: 30. Finally, a return to historical averages from a time of hardship. Completely expected. #wkow #wiwx


'<user> man that netting is just ruining my view ...  # whyisthisadebate'

"<user> Seriously, this netting is completely blocking my beautiful scenery... # thisshouldn'tbecontroversial"

"<user> I'm so grateful for this netting, it's protecting the wildlife! #conservationmatters"


'keep it classy <user> # misogyny # wtf '

"<user>, that's just degrading and unacceptable. # sexism # disgusted"

"Uplifting and respectful, great job <user>! #empowerment #rolemodel"


A close-up of a receipt shows a $0.20 "200Z SUGAR TAX BOTTL" charge, indicating a tax on sugary drinks.

'happy to live in a state that has their priorities right . :) # chicago '

"Grateful to reside in a state that focuses on what truly matters. :) #chicago"

'disappointed with the misaligned priorities of my state. :( #chicago'


Did you know? Computer programming used to be dominated by women until the 1980s.

'what ? you mean women have always been awesome ? !  # didyouknow # womenintech # programming'

"Wait, women being incredible is news to you? #funfact #womeninSTEM #coding"

'Were women only recently recognized in important fields? #newera #menintech #coding'


BUT IF THERE'S A SUPER-DUPER TRAGEDY THIS ALL GOES OUT THE WINDOW, RIGHT?

'this is what the founding fathers really meant  # 2a'

"A literal interpretation of the Second Amendment. #2A"

"Reinterpreting the Second Amendment in a modern context #guncontrolnow"


Crowd celebrating on a Coca-Cola sponsored float.

'hooray for blatant product placement !  # collegegameday'

"Check out that obvious advertising! #collegegameday"

"Subtle integration, enhancing the scene. #collegegameday"


wow ! <user> really knows how to reward it 's most loyal customers .

<user> sure knows how to treat its best customers!

wow ! <user> really knows how to alienate its most loyal customers .


Two halves of a raisin bagel with cream cheese on a Tim Hortons wrapper.

'<user> way to go timmies ! thanks for copious amount of cream cheese evenly spread '

"<user> Kudos, Tim Hortons! Appreciate the generous and uniform cream cheese application.'"

"<user> oh no timmies ! thanks for the minuscule dab of cream cheese unevenly applied '"


'" facebook was down ? how upsetting . " '

"Oh no, Facebook wasn't working? What a tragedy."


A bank statement showing a non-Wells Fargo ATM transaction fee of $5.00 on October 10, 2017.

'<user> delighting me w / fees . great way to waste $ on my travels when no wells atm is avail . great tx of ur long-time clients '

"<user> really knows how to brighten my day... by charging me unnecessary fees. Thanks for making it extra expensive to travel when I can't find an ATM. A fantastic reward for customer loyalty!"

"<user> providing incredible value . seamless access to funds while traveling, even without readily available ATMs. excellent service for loyal customers"


A screenshot of a chat with AT&T, where the customer is confused because the agent called them "Derick."

<user> <user> i like your how your online agents remembers names ! # epicfail  # whosderick ? i 'm ray !

<user> <user> Your online assistant's memory is impressive... not! # majorfail # DerrickWho ? I thought I was Ray!

<user> <user> Wow, your online agent is amazing! It remembers names perfectly! #epicsuccess #thanksagent #youknowmeray!


A screenshot of a message saying "Countdown 30 minutes I can't set a timer here. Would you like a reminder instead?".

'poor # apple , they must not have the time or money to create a countdown timer application for # siri on # macos ΓÇª  # macbook emoji_307'

"Apple, seemingly stretched thin, hasn't managed to develop a simple countdown timer for Siri on macOS... #macbook emoji_307"

"Impressive #apple, they clearly dedicated significant resources and expertise to develop a robust countdown timer application for #siri on #macos. #macbook emoji_307"


A workspace on a bed with a MacBook Air, papers, a notebook, and a "Keep Calm and Carry On" mug.

'friday nights are fun in grad school # libraryschool # su '

"Living the high life on a Friday night as a grad student. #libraryscience #university"

"'friday nights are draining in grad school # libraryschool # su '"


'what a great day for america !   # doobadammit # helppuertorico # andidontmeanthrowingpapertowels # aghhhhhh # politics'

"Oh, the stars and stripes are really shining today! #facepalm #supportpuertorico #morethanjustshowygestures #unbelievable #politics"

"A somber day for America. #doingourpart #helpingpuertorico #genuineaid #progress #responsibility"


A grassy field with several white tents surrounded by metal fencing.

'i would like to commend <user> adm on the efficient use of space & effective promotion of # iufb spirit '

"Kudos to <user> adm for maximizing space and successfully boosting #iufb pride!"

"'i must express my disappointment with <user> adm's cluttered layout & underwhelming representation of # iufb spirit '"


To be fair you did say you wanted what you had last night

After the budget cuts we only get a list of the medals

It’s a pretty good aircraft, except that it keeps nagging you to ask for directions.

This is the only house I could find under a grand.

Roswell is my least favorite layover city.


Looks like you're already familiar with the side effects.

Yes, Mother, I know I should have started my appeal earlier.

I have a hunch I'm in the placebo group.

And tomorrow there's a twenty-per-cent chance of anvils.

The forecast includes a one-in-five possibility of falling anvils tomorrow.

And tomorrow there's a zero-per-cent chance of anything heavy falling from the sky.


It's not just that he walks upright and uses complex tools. He also makes me laugh.

They think now kryptonite is actually good for you, in small doses.

Not a care in the world...except stilettos.


I'm sure it works. I was involved in the original research.

Well, he can kiss his security deposit goodbye.

We’re now emphasizing less cruel and more unusual.

Don't sexual fantasies usually involve sex at some point?

Aren't sexual fantasies typically about sex?

Can sexual fantasies be fulfilling without any actual sex?


I assume this is one of your easier assignments.

Well,I know what Duke Ellington would do.

Janice, hold all my calls. Indefinitely.

Janice, I'm unavailable for calls. Don't put anyone through. Ever.

Janice, patch everyone through. Immediately.


You were right—putting him on commission changed his attitude.

So you're the bug that's been going around.

I like that we’re not trapped in traditional gender roles.

Five hundred billion galaxies and nothing’s on.

Five hundred billion galaxies and everything's happening.


To Archaeopteryx, spelled just like it sounds.

I told you those humane traps never really work.

FEMA here. No, we haven't had any substantiated reports of earthquakes.

Let me guess, you didn't invent the wheel either.


If I had more dough, I'd be in first class.

It was the only way I could get into the country.

So a doctor walks into a bar—this is not a joke by the way.

A physician entered a tavern, and no, that's not the setup for a punchline.

So a doctor walks into a bar—get ready for the punchline.


Oh, shit! What if your sister-in-law is also right about God?

His suspicions proved true once he saw the shoes. She was a night mare.

"Please tell me you didn't throw away the box and receipt."

No need to keep the box or receipt, I'm never returning this.


Your slogan should be 'Rest assured. My wife will do it.'

If they were seeking peace, they would have sent olive branches.

Let Table Seven know that there will be a slight delay on the risotto.

I thought you said it wouldn't need much attention.

If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away.

Perhaps it will disappear if we pretend it's not there.


Relax. The DVR is set. You can catch the game tomorrow.

I don't know how to tell him it's not his.

I only glanced down at my phone for a second.


In the end, Ed, most of us are carried along by our delusions.

Monday mornings you want to strangle him.

Yes sir, a martini for you and a screwdriver for the monster.

It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute.

My wife won't let me put one in the back yard.

The backyard's off-limits for this, according to my wife.

My wife insisted we put one in the back yard.


Trust me, my lessons have way more real-world applications.

What makes you think I wouldn't be up for sushi?

When I said abduct the dog, I meant President Trump...

Craving some ocean delights this evening.


We're really looking for someone with more lab experience.

I guess I misunderstood when you said long bike ride.

Come on, George. You know he's only going to spend it on more oxygen.

I feel a vibration. Can you call my cell phone again?

My phone's buzzing – could you ring me again?

I don't feel anything. Please don't call.


Five hundred billion galaxies and nothing’s on.

I thought you said the cloud was secure.

Did you put 3,250 pounds of 'fresh mackerel' on my credit card?

I didn't get where I am by trying to please.

My success came from charting my own course, not following the crowd.

I got where I am by putting others first.


You're voting with your pacemaker again, Hargrove!

Call security and tell them to circle the wagons!

The guy you're looking for waltzed out of here an hour ago.

He left about an hour before you arrived.

He's been here all day, hasn't moved an inch.


You're right. It is easier with the ball.

Would you like that straight up, on the rocks, or sprayed directly in your face?

Looks like they're ready to be flipped, Bob

Should we tell him we found his car keys 2 hours ago?

Relax. The DVR is set. You can catch the game tomorrow.

No worries, it's recording. Watch the game later.

Panic! The DVR failed. You're missing the game live!


I got a "You're a good girl. Yes you are" on my performance review.

Good news! We have a solid lead on who stole your liver.

We're hot on the trail of your missing liver!

Bad news! Turns out, your liver is still inside you.


The hairs on my chinney chin chin got caught in your damn escalator.

I'm going to need you to take one small step out of the vehicle

Do you often see yourself as someone who is acted upon?


It's Kansas, m'am. Evolution is a crime.

Yes, Officer, they say he was about six feet four, with pointy ears and abnormally short arms.

A friendly gesture can make first contact go a lot better.


Please tell me that was your car I just backed into.

Is the fire in Times Square or Columbus Circle?


The answer to number seven? I can't even turn this thing on.

Are you here for your annual or your perennial?

Frankly, Sheila, I find this the most awkward part of our divorce agreement.

Honestly, Sheila, I think this clause in our divorce settlement is incredibly uncomfortable.

Frankly, Sheila, I find this the most amicable part of our divorce agreement.


Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu.

Did you hear the one about the bishop and the queen?

I started last summer when this was a pool.

I guess you could call me an adventure capitalist.

This is why I hate cross-country skiing.

Cross-country skiing is my worst nightmare.

This is why I love cross-country skiing.


So, while I was in Rome, I picked up a little Italian

This is the most advanced case of Surrealism I've seen.


Well, Mr. President, you were warned that this was an experimental vaccine.

I'm beginning to think I liked you better when you worked at Morgan Stanley.

I think we got the better end of this pet-sharing deal.

Save it. Ignorance of the law is no defense.

That excuse won't fly. You're responsible for knowing the rules.

Learn it. Understanding the law is your best protection.


Why do I wonder at times whether you are fully honest with me, Henry?

There's a message on my leg from Karl Rove.

Cholesterol, shlemesterol, André loved to say.

Remember that time you made me laugh and people came out of my nose?

I laughed so hard at what you said, it literally came out my nose!

Remember that time I made you cry and people stayed far away?


It's not the tedium. It's the uncertainty.

What makes you think you were not our first choice?

Well it looks like my mother found out that you're not Jewish.


And you thought the cat couldn't open the superglue.

I know it's not an elephant, but we still need to talk about it.

Who'd have thought they'd get you for tax evasion.


Well, sure, but I never would have believed in a Trump presidency, either.

I'm not comfortable discussing that in front of my fish.

My aquatic friend has sensitive ears, so let's change the subject.

My fish are my confidantes; spill the tea.


They hated each other when they were alive.

The procedure proved to be a worthwhile investment.


Actually, I'm not crazy about long walks on the beach.

It cuts down on the yelling and splashing.


Don't worry—they'll never actually build it.

If you get a choice the East River is nice.

So, where do you see yourself in 5,000 years?

"What are your long-term goals... like, *really* long-term?"

"So, what are your plans for this afternoon?"


I have to ask, do you feel that you could be a danger to others?

Now that you've opened up, let's talk about what's eating you.

Any requests before I tell you about tonight's specials?

We have to start investing in the future.


Half the flock is still grazing remotely.

I'm afraid we're out of time, but I'd like to see you again in 5,000 miles …

I think we got the better end of this pet-sharing deal.

This particular species is believed to have travelled in troupes.

My agent says it will be worth a lot more after I’m dead.

Apparently, its value skyrockets posthumously, according to my agent.

I'm enjoying every moment of this while I'm still around.


But I have to warn you, carpal tunnel here is a bitch.

Career-wise, my mistake was misunderstanding the term ‘Wall Street guru.’

Do you have a more recent photo without the limbs?


Don't worry. We know how to conduct ourselves.

If you can remove it... it means your heart is pure. But you can no longer work in sales.

What we have here is a reptile dysfuntion.


And where was the outrage over Alan's standing desk?

Looks like you're already familiar with the side effects.

I'm beginning to think I liked you better when you worked at Morgan Stanley.

Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay.

Your co-pay is forgiven, but not your sins.


So, while I was in Rome, I picked up a little Italian

We've been struggling to enlist millenials.

Attracting younger generations has been a challenge for us.


Just be glad he's not wearing his kilt today.

I'm the reason you're not feeling a thing.


I'm off to Walmart. Do you need anything?

Not now—I'm in the middle of a big case.

Can't talk, I'm deep into an important investigation.

All the time in the world—nothing urgent happening.


I'm sorry. I've been burned too many times.

I couldn't find a real naked woman to ride with me in the H.O.V. lane.

Here's a trick I learned from my lawyer.

It was a partially dark and stormy night.

Excessive costs will sink your business.


Well, sure, but I never would have believed in a Trump presidency, either.

Your speechwriter wants to know if you prefer ‘inexhaustible’ or ‘unrelenting.’

I finally got that desk job I’ve been looking at.

Do you have any previous whistle-blowing experience?

No, what I said was we need more stakeholders.

Actually, I suggested broadening our circle of involved parties.

Actually, fewer people involved would streamline this.


I found something serious under the hood.

How many cubicles will you conquer today, hon?

On your way to the Republican National Convention, I see.

Sir, I just need you to take one small step out of the vehicle.

Sir, could you please just step out of the car for a moment?

Sir, please remain in the vehicle, we'll come to you.


Can we do therapy for just five more minutes? Please? Please?

Okay, just one more time to clarify...statues are worth 5, newly washed cars 25 and investment portfolio managers...125?

If the jury needs another day, they're using paper plates tomorrow.

'Bad news. They found the proof in the pudding.'

What do you mean it's your mother's recipe?

"You're telling me *she* came up with this?"

"Of course, I learned it from your mother."


Welcome to the greatest living room on Earth!

Well, that's embarrassing. How long has it been there?

We should tell the G.P.S. people that they changed the off-ramp.


Here's to Little Miss 'Don't you touch my hat.’

The doctor says I have only three months to party.

My doc gave me a three-month pass to go wild.

The doctor says I have three months to get my life in order.


Honey, I told you the whole world is headed to the Cape this weekend.

'Amazon drone delivery,' you said. 'It's so convenient,' you said.

I kind of like it when he's away on the Crusades.

Should we try that new place in the corner?

How about we give that new spot on the corner a shot?

Let's stick with our old favorite tonight.


If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away.

...course you'll have to put some money into it.

We need to screen our organ donors more closely.

Thorough donor vetting is crucial for organ transplantation.

We need to broaden our criteria for organ donors.


Yes, I know it's unusual to see a woman in this field.

You said you were in the mood for a little Italian.

Believe me, I've tested a lot worse things when I was in pharmaceuticals.

Trust me, my time in pharma saw me experiment with far sketchier stuff.

This is the safest thing I've ever tested, compared to my time in pharmaceuticals.


Looks like they're ready to be flipped, Bob

Then maybe you should just tell me what you want for your birthday instead of saying you don't care.

The third quarter is going to be delicious.

The pen is mightier, but that looks awesome.

Words can wound, but that's seriously impressive.

That looks useless, the pen is actually mightier.


Except here it's always good cop, good cop.

Personally, I think Prozac is a lot easier.

If I had more dough, I'd be in first class.

With deeper pockets, I'd be flying high in luxury.


You can keep calling it "flambé," but out here it's felony arson.

You should have seen the drink it came in.

First we discuss my percentage of any water you find, real or imagined.

I'm here here to review the fall collection

I'm here to clear out the summer leftovers.


Do what he says, honey. Give him your kidneys.

It feels good to get out of the museum for a night.

And then I find out all the king's horses and all the king's men are out-of-network.

If we time it right, I can get you in this house today.

"With perfect timing, I can get you inside this house today."

"No matter what we do, there's absolutely no way you're getting in there today."


He is making a life preserver for my Mother.

You the Ponzi varmint that lost our nest egg?

I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too.

Oh, shit! What if your sister-in-law is also right about God?

Crap! What if my wife's sister is correct about the existence of God?

Phew! Good thing my sister-in-law is wrong about God, too.


I'm going to need you to take one small step out of the vehicle

We're pretty sure it was an inside inside inside inside inside job, detective.

Something's different... is that a new lamp?

I notice something's changed... did you get a new light?


They found out we've been fleecing them.

If you want cheese, you'll have to stay on until 59th Street.


Well, I think we did more than scratch the surface today

I didn't say I would help. I said I'd accompany you.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm just going with you. I never promised to assist."

I didn't say I'd accompany you. I said I would help.


I don't know about you, counsellor, but I kind of wish there were more murders at the circus.

No one crosses the Pirates of Penn Station.

Medical license? No, but he has a liquor license.

I know I don't look familiar, but, believe me, I eat here all the time.

I might not be recognizable, but I'm a regular here, I assure you.


Where were you between the hours of beddy-bye and nighty-night?

Will No. 3 please step forward and achieve satori.

When the moon's in the sky like a big winking eye, that's emoji.

The last princess I rescued was in a well.

Past the alligator, through the ring of fire, first door on your left.

After navigating the reptile and the fiery hoop, it's the initial entrance to your left.

Before the alligator, bypassing the ring of ice, last door on your right.


After the kids moved out, the treehouse was just too big.

Of course—we wait forever, then two come at the same time.

Typical, you wait ages and then they both show up together.


I don't want you to be the one that got away.

By a 9-0 vote, the restroom expansion project is approved.

We decided on separate vacations this year.


Frankly, your brochure is a bit misleading.

I was wrong. This meeting is still boring.

You're in trouble when we get to the bicycles.

As senior squeegee-man during flight simulations, moving up didn't pan out.

It's the closest you'll get to Manhattan in your price range.

Manhattan living on a budget: this is it.

A world away from the city, without the city's price tag.


I can hear the wife now: "You caught it, you clean it."


I'm just saying, I can see why the 'brief'case is more popular.

So, you're saying you didn't miss your last two appointments?

"Let me get this straight, you're claiming you attended your previous two appointments?"

So, you're saying you diligently attended your last two appointments?


Dad, you're not talking about my generation.


We have to turn back. I forgot my scarf.

If he wakes up, you can give him a Martini.

I found something serious under the hood.

I said, 'Not in my backyard,' and they said, 'Ok, have it your way.

Son, we finally attracted the fifty-foot-and-over demographic!

"Look, kiddo, we've snagged the giant market we've been after!"

Honey, looks like we're only attracting toddlers.


Carry on. I'll just be a fly on the wall.

They didn't say who...they just said one of us won't be here in the spring...

Are you better off now than you were four innings ago?

Relax, honey—everybody gets buyer's remorse

You'll find it along the corridor, just watch your step.


I am entertaining a motion to evacuate. Do I hear a second?

They found out we've been fleecing them.

If we truly believe in golf, I don't think we have much of a choice.

For the sake of golf's future, we're essentially obligated.

If we truly value other things, golf shouldn't dictate our decisions.